It takes a village to silence street harassment

feministing.com

This is a great article. I wanted to add an incident…

Last week, I was walking out to my car, minding my own business and thinking about the English class I had recently finished only minutes before. About a block from my car, I heard a someone yell directly behind me, from the road to my left, “She’s a ho. Sleep with her, dude. I did.” Glancing over my shoulder, I caught a solid image of a young, smug man, apparently satisfied with ruining someone else’s life, in the process of sticking his head back in the passenger side window of a car.

Slightly unnerved by his comments, although I knew the words were not directed at me, I stopped to look behind me. I was curious as to how many women were on that very same sidewalk with me. By the time the last of his words were hurled across the sidewalk at us, I realized he’d passed numerous women on the side of the street walking to their own cars. My heart went out to the young woman the comment was actually directed at. The thought crossed my mind that maybe she wasn’t even on the street with us, maybe the comment was only directed to a buddy of his. I really don’t know. I am assuming she was on that street with us and that the two of them together, prompted the mans verbal attack from the car. Either way it was uncalled for, disrespectful, and rude.

The incident stuck with me as I approached my car, a block later. It’s sad that we live in a society where he feels his masculinity must be “proved” through the slut shaming of a young woman in public. In his mind, he becomes more of a man in the eyes of his peers while he reduces women to objects and sluts.

I feel there needs to be more of a conversation on how to stop street harassment. Personally speaking, I’m not one to yell back at a passing car, calling them out on their errors in thinking. In my day, we weren’t taught that kind of behavior and I admire those who can do it successfully, without getting hurt. But regardless of whether or not women yell back at passing cars who harass them, I don’t think stopping street harassment will end with only women speaking out against it.

I think it takes all of us, men included. Men must tell other men to stop. Like the article says, “The work of undoing a culture of street harassment, and the work of eliminating rape culture more broadly, requires more male voices.” We need males to stand up and say that this kind of behavior is uncalled for. Masculinity is never proven through the destruction of others.

Stop Street Harassment

stopstreetharassment.org

Make that just stop harassment.

My experiences with street harassment.

I was thirteen years old the first time I was harassed on the street.

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By age 12, 22% of girls experience street harassment. By the time they’re 19, it’s 87%

alternet.org

this morning some creep was making kissy faces at me on the passenger side of his buddy’s car. IT WAS DISGUSTING, fucking moron. ruined my drive, honestly. UGH. 

this isn’t an “oh it’s so hard to be a pretty/beautiful woman in this world (cue hair flip)” type of problem, it’s a “this happens to me because I’M A WOMAN” problem. fucking hate. 

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How to talk to a harasser:

  • Always use strong body language: Look the harasser in the eyes; speak in a strong, clear voice. Using your voice, facial expressions, and body language together, without mixed signals, show assertiveness and strength.
  • Project confidence and calm. Even if you do not feel that way, it is important to appear calm, serious, and confident.
  • Do not apologize, make an excuse, or ask a question. You do not need to say sorry for how you feel or what you want. Be firm. Instead of saying, “Excuse me … ” I’m sorry, but … ” or “Please … “, say directly, “Stop doing X.”
  • Do not get into a dialogue with the harasser, try to reason with them, or answer their questions. You do not need to respond to diversions, questions, threats, blaming, or guilt-tripping. Stay on your own agenda. Stick to your point. Repeat your statement or leave.
  • Do not swear or lose your temper: This type of reaction is the most likely to make the harasser respond with anger and violence and it also can make you seem like the one who is crazy or wrong when the harassment happens among a group of people, but no one sees what the harasser did to you.
  • Decide when you’re done. Success is how you define it. If you said what you needed to say and you’re ready to leave, do so.
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Do Something!

No action is too small to make a difference in working to end the problem of street harassment. Here are some suggestions for what you can do in the moment and after/before the harassment occurs. Share your ideas in the comments section.

In the moment:

  1. Respond: If you feel safe enough to do so, assertively respond to the harassers calmly, firmly, and without insults or personal attacks to let them know that their actions are unwelcome, unacceptable, and wrong. Here is advice from Martha Langelan on dealing with drive-by harassers.
    1. If speaking feels too scary, you can also hand the harasser information about harassment. Here are some examples from Appetite for Equal Rights, Street Harassment Project, graduate student Sarah VanDenbergh, and Stop Street Harassment (Show Respect 1 | 2, Wait a Minute 1 | 2, Picking up Women 1 | 2).
  2. Step In: Intervene when someone else is being harassed to help them out of the situation and let the harasser know that their actions are not condoned by others. Men engaging in this tactic can be particularly powerful since men (majority of street harassers) look to other men for approval. Check out this great bystander campaign from the University of New Hampshire.
  3. Report to Employer: If the harassers work for an identifiable company, call or write the company to let them know that their employees are harassing people on the job and why that is unacceptable. (Here are three examples submitted to this blog about how women successfully did this. Even threatening to report harassers to their company can make a difference.)
  4. Report to Police or Transit Workers: Take actions that will create real consequences for the harasser, such as reporting the person to a police officer or other person of authority, like a bus driver or subway employee. [Here is a statute in New York against serial acts of public lewdness and in Independence, MO, it’s illegalfor drivers to harass pedestrians or cyclists]
  5. Report with your Phone: If you have a smart phone and are in the U.S., download theHollaBack phone app and report your street harasser and if you are in Egypt, use HarassMap to report harassers via SMS texting.

Before or after being harassed:

  1. Share your Stories in Person: Talk about your street harassment experiences with family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. A lot of people don’t realize how often it happens and how upsetting it is. Maybe if more people knew, it would happen less.
  2. Share your Stories Online: Post your street harassment story or tactic suggestions on a website or blog to raise awareness about the problem and/or to offer advice to others. Start your own regional anti-street harassment website.
  3. Tweet your Stories: Tweet street harassment stories on Twitter. Add @catcalled #hbnyc or #streetharassment to your post and it will be added to @Catcalled, @ihollaback, or @StopStHarassmnt’s respective thread of harassment stories. Keep your own log of harassment experiences the way @streetharassmnt does.
  4. Post Information Offline: Put up anti-street harassment fliers,posters or signs (click on link for street signs) or hand out anti-street harassment fliers. Here’s another example of a street harassment poster.
  5. Write about It: Write and submit an article or op-ed about street harassment to a magazine or newspaper. An op-ed that journalistElizabeth Mendez Berry wrote in the fall of 2010 led to the first ever city council hearing on street harassment in New York City!
  6. Map It: Start mapping where you are harassed (google earth offers a free tool to do so with a tutorial) or contribute your story to someone who has a map to help visually show its volume. If there are patterns about where it occurs, then you can ask the police or a local business to help intervene in that area.
  7. Mentor Boys and Girls: If you are in a position of mentoring (as a family member, teacher, or friend) educate boys not to speak with disrespect to women and empower girls to stand up for themselves and challenge disrespectful behavior.
  8. Be a Male Ally: Men, we need you as allies! Read about how men can help stop street harassment. I also recommend reading Brian Martin’s “Men: Help stop public harassment,” Jackson Katz’s The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help, and Todd Denny’s Unexpected Allies: Men Who Stop Rape.
  9. Support Orgs & Initiatives: Volunteer time or donate money to fund anti-street harassment organizations, workshops, or community projects.

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