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Damn it, Canadian guy who was a swimming instructor at some point, why do you always go swimming on the same days as I want to? I can never make myself go swimming when you’re there because you will try to teach me how to improve my front crawl or ask me questions and try to talk to me and I don’t want to talk to anyone I just want to swim!
And I was really looking forward to my swim tonight, as well, and you were there and my heart sank because I knew that if I got in the pool you would ask me questions about my friends’ whereabouts and I don’t need any more reminders that my prime swimming buddy has moved out of town for uni and won’t be accompanying me any more!
Fucking ARRRRGH!!! I am in such a bad mood now and I didn’t even go through any of this and YES I know that he might not do this and YES I know that if I just keep swimming, just keep swimming, he won’t get a chance to bug me but at some point I will need to take a breather or I might accidentally inhale a load of water and need to stop at the end of the pool and in that moment he will appear and be all friendly and helpful! YES I AM BEING VERY ANTI-SOCIAL but I don’t care I just wanted to swim.
I just wanted to swim. Everyone else at the pool keeps to themselves. I just wanted to swim. ;_____;
- me: I don't want help.
- everyone: But you need it.
- me: But I don't WANT it.
- everyone: We just want what's best for you.
- me: Can you just shut up and let me do this on my own? I don't want help. I don't want help at all. I hate being helped because then I am helpless and then I have to find a way to pay you all back and I don't want to waste my time and your time because I'm a fucked up human. And I have hope that things will get better. Hope.
- everyone: ...
I hate when I accidentally let someone know more about me than they already known. Then they would always try to help me. The more they try to help the more let them in until I realize that i was letting them help me. Then things get out of hand. I’m scared. Don’t come near me anymore. I’m backing off. I don’t want to go any deeper than it already is.