there are two types of people in this world

those who smoke pot and those who need to

Sometimes I forget weed is illegal.

Everyone’s like, “I want to be a doctor or a lawyer.”

And I sit there thinking, “All I want to do is smoke blunts and sleep all day.” 

dro problems.

Dad: Can you close the lid to your pot jar, damn!
Me: It’s not even open.

okay so they make standard sized condoms and extra large condoms. now my 8th grade sex ed teacher stretched a standard sized condom all the way up her arm, so i know that anyone i sleep with will fit in a standard sized condom. however guys get really cocky after you sleep with them so i keep both sizes in my nightstand. and i always pull out the magnums and i’m like “oh, this won’t fit.”  just so we cut that ego from the beginning. 

Stoner problems

When you can’t fit all the weed you want to in your blunt.

  • every dealer: trust me it's dank

Not sure if I wanna get high now or tomorrow

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my dealer was dry last night, so i picked up from my back-up. i just got a text from my regular dealer saying “you guys still need?” and i lied to him and said yes and now i think i’m going to go bankrupt because i don’t want my drug dealer to know i cheated on him.

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