“Messy”

I don’t need your condemnation

Yeah, I drink too much, I know

I work night shifts and stay in all day

I’m probably better off alone

So spare the pity glances

I know it’s all for show

‘Cause the one thing that they never say

is the thing I know they know

that I’m a mess

I’m such a mess

but I’m learning to deal all on my own

You don’t talk about your past much

But I know something hurt you deep

When I’m wide awake at 3 am

I feel you shaking in your sleep

And I never thought I’d say this,

But I think you might be it

‘Cause despite our crazy problems, well

together, we just fit

and I think you understand me

and I kind of get you, too

Cause you’re a mess,

but I’m a mess

and this mess is somehow bearable with you.

Look, I know that this is scary

And I know you wanna run

But take a look at all this life we’ve built

And please don’t tell me that it’s done.

So you tell me that I saved you

And apparently, that’s true

But did you ever think about the fact

you might have saved me, too?

I don’t want your crappy “Thank you’s”

Just stop saying it’s the end

If I knew you’d leave like he did

I’d have never let you in

Just put down the stupid bag, Sam

Just put down the stupid bag, Sam

Cause I’m a mess,

And you’re a mess

But I think sometimes life’s just messy

And I wanna live that messiness with you

So please stay, so we can try to see this through

Abi Edwards - That Year

Abi Edwards - That Year
So, yeah, I had a bit of an ‘Imagine’ moment, and woke up with this tune in my head… then it turned into a song. Different style to what I usually do, not sure if I’ve pulled it off.
Sam’s POV. That year he spent alone must’ve been tough…

I’ve got no one, I don’t know where to go
Dean, I tried, but I’m so alone

Dean, I’m sorry it couldn’t go the way we planned, yeah,
I mean, I know you’re stuck in purgatory and I’m so sorry I didn’t carry on, no
But you left me all alone, you’re with Cas, and I have got no home
I mean, what am I supposed to do without you? I’m so lost I just can’t do this, no

I thought if I just stopped running, stop caring if I died
I could get up, get out, never said I didn’t try to do this alone
But it’s just too much and it’s just too hard,
Without you Dean, and without dad
To fight when I got nothing to fight for

I should’ve saved you, I should’ve saved you
If I’d have known you were coming back to me,
 I would’ve never abandoned my family

I prayed to God to return you to me
But then I moved on, moved on from your memory
I built a life without you there
Never before had I been so scared
Without you

I had no one, I had nowhere to go
But now you’re back, Dean