“Dean is not sure how he ended up kissing Castiel against the bunker wall. All he knows is that the shock of seeing him like this, dirty and vulnerable and close to collapsing, has made something short-circuit in his brain, and the next thing he’s aware of are Cas’ tears as they wet his lips. Dean draws back, confused and a bit hurt, but so, so relieved to see these blue eyes again. He’d like to say something, is probably supposed to say something, but nothing comes to mind, so he just waits, watching different emotions flicker over Cas’ face. There’s a tiny scar on his neck, Dean notices belatedly.When Cas finally speaks, his voice is rough and filled with pain. “Now. Now you kiss me. Now that I am this.” It’s not a question. “By this, I take it you mean human.” Dean knows that he is close to crying himself, and tells himself it is just the relief over seeing him again, finally. Cas’ eyes leave his, settling somewhere on his shoulder, before he rasps: “Yes. Human.” Dean takes a step back. Cas sounds not only bitter, but resentful. He wants to scream. He wants to say: “This is not my fault. You did not listen to me. You did not trust me. You did not…”, but all that comes out after a while is: “Get inside, you need a shower.” Cas looks back at him then, eyes big and hopeless, and Dean just knows that if he still could, now would have been the time where he’d have disappeared with a soft flutter of wings. There has been a moment between them like this, in the past. Dean remembers it clearly – blue eyes full of an emotion their owner couldn’t handle. If he had done what he wanted to do back then, maybe all of this would never have happened. Maybe Dean Winchester is guilty once again, guilty of letting him leave, of not calling him back, of not telling him. Dean leans in again, resting his lips on Cas' forehead. He tries to pretend that he does not hear the sobs, just murmurs words of comfort against his skin, or at least he hopes that that is what comes out of his mouth. After what feels like hours, Cas finally moves. “Will you let me stay here?” he asks, as if sure that the answer is going to be “No.” Dean sighs only because laughing would be inappropriate and misleading. “You will stay here. Now get in.”—
Anonymous ficlet I received via askbox.
You’re allowed to cry.