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Just a few features of my anxiety
- Me: *gets on bus* omg everyone is watching me and judging me and they're going to laugh when the bus starts and im not sitting down, omg dont put your ticket in the wrong way or everyone will judge you and laugh at you.
- Me: *goes to pay for shopping* omg what if I dont have enough money? *counts money out 20 times* what if I look stupid, or say the wrong thing? am I standing in the right spot even? What if someone else wants to get past and im in the way, omg.
- Me: *says hey to someone online* omg, they arent replying, holy shit why am I so annoying? what if they tell their friends how annoying and lame I am? Why am I like this, holy shit.
- Me: *meets someone new* What if they dont like me and dont want me to be around, I shouldnt have met them, im going to be a burden, they're probably critisizing me right now, why am I the way I am?
some of the ridiculous things which make me unreasonably anxious and nervous:
- Answering the phone
- Looking people in the eye
- Going to a shop counter to make a purchase
- Eating in front of people
- Looking in the mirror in a public place
- Entering a busy room alone
- Talking in front of people
- Public transport
- Having my photo taken
- What people think social anxiety is: being shy.
- What social anxiety really is: having anxiety attacks doing the grocery shopping, not being able to eat in front of others because you're scared people will stare at you or you'll make a mess, feeling like you're about to faint and throw up doing public speaking, constantly worrying about what others think of you, checking to make sure you look okay all the time so people have nothing to make fun of you for, sitting in class not saying a word because you don't want people to notice or look at you, god forbid anything you say is incorrect because you'll just want to die, someone looking at you and feeling so self conscious you want to run away, not having many friends because you'll never let anyone get close to you, and just wanting to run into a dark place forever where people can't look or judge you and you never have to talk to anyone ever again.