Attempt #2 | Self para
Tate walked out of his room pulling on a jacket and started for the front of the building. He needed fresh air. He needed to clear his head. He knew being alone wasn’t safe for him at the moment because all the thoughts he had been having lately weren’t safe. After having been kidnapped by his aunt to go to the family dinner, it was his mother’s birthday, all he could think about was being a disappointment. He wanted to be better, and he was starting to be, for Tipper. The thought of her sent a pang of despair through his chest. You’re still not good enough for her, you never were. She doesn’t love you. Nobody loves you. Why would they? You can’t even kill yourself. You don’t even have the guts. ”Shut up!” Tate screamed into the empty darkness. He was in the courtyard now. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He slammed his fists into his own head, trying to make the voices stop. “I can kill myself.” he whispered harshly. He took a shaky breath and sighed, “I promised her I wouldn’t.” he said, pacing back and forth. He hadn’t felt this unstable in a long time. It made him feel hopeless, abandoned. Where is she now? She’s with Ivy and Currie. She’s just fine without you. You’re only bringing her down. She’ll always be fine without you. She doesn’t need you.
And with that thought he looked frantically around the courtyard for something, anything, he could use. He saw a banner hanging in between two trees. It had been hung with rope. He rushed over to it and started pulling at the banner, until it finally came free. He grabbed the rope and stuffed it in his pocket before rushing over to the park that was less than a mile away. I can’t believe how long you let yourself hurt her. You have ruined her. She doesn’t deserve your shit, Tate. How could you do that. “I love her.” he whispered, “I’m doing this for her, I won’t hurt her anymore.”
He reached the park and walked towards the forested area he and Danni had taken LSD and made a bonfire at. “I’ll miss you Danni.” he whispered before tying a knot around a branch and stepping onto a low one. He put his head through the hole he had made. “I’ll miss everyone at Cornwell.” he shut his eyes tight. “I love you, Tipper.” He whispered before stepping off of the branch to hang from the tree. it lasted only a few seconds before the rope snapped, being unable to hold his weight, and he fell to the ground. He felt himself become weightless before crashing to the ground. All he knew was that he had been swallowed by a vast nothingness, but he was only unconscious. He was still breathing, still alive. What a fucking failure.
Visiting Hours.
Jim sat in the back of his black custom made car, staring ahead to the back of the seat in front of him. His hands were knotted in his lap and his phone lay forgotten in his pocket. He didn’t usually ignore business, however today was different. Today he was visiting his sniper in hospital after days of not seeing him. He felt horrible, thinking that he’d left Sebastian there for so long even while he’d been in surgery but there had been work to be done.
He was expected to be running havoc across London, not sitting in some hospital with his second in command like a lovesick dog.
When they eventually pulled up half an hour and four missed phone calls later, Jim pulled himself out of the car with a masked face. His steps were steady and sure as he walked towards the house of one of his private doctors.
He didn’t trust anyone except for Sebastian, however Doctor Sharp owed him a favour after he’d saved her from losing her medical degree so he knew that she would be reliable. For now.
He didn’t bother ringing the doorbell. He had a copy of each of most important employee’s keys after. Instead he just slipped the key into the lock, listening to the soft click of metal as he opened the door.
The house was almost entirely silent, the only sound was the gentle humming of Doctor Sharp as she cleaned her dishes. Her son was obviously in school, and her husband was having an affair so he was out too.
Closing the door loudly, Jim’s smiled broadly in welcome as he heard the middle aged woman start and run out into the hallway. “Oh, Moriarty.” She said startled, running her wet hands across her apron self consciously. “He’s just downstairs like you asked, sir.”
Jim nodded, his lips curling downwards as his eyes hardened. A warning. They both knew what would happen if she breathed a word of this to anyone, not that she would. Sebastian wasn’t the only one down in her basement after all.
Setting down the stairs, Jim’s hands fell into this pockets as his fingers wrapped securely around his phone. The stairs creaked lightly under his weight, a screech in the otherwise quiet house. The basement was well lit, shinning white medical equipment lined up against the walls and a couple of rows of beds in the centre of the room.
Sebastian was lying to the far right, hooked up to several machines One of which to measure his heartbeat, which Jim noted with relief was steady and healthy. The elder man on the other hand looked anything but healthy, his usually glowing tanned skin was an ashen grey. His light blue eyes were hidden by eyelids scrunched up in pain.
With a sorrowful gasp, Jim tore himself away from the doorway and made his way over towards his sleeping sniper. Reaching out cautiously he moved a stray strand of hair from the elder man’s face. Sebastian tended to look almost peaceful in sleep. He didn’t look peaceful at that moment, and Jim knew it was all his fault.
