I’ve been feeling really lonely lately,. Imagine that…in a house full of people. Tried to reach out to a friend but it felt awkward, forced; and normally we just “click.” So ended up staying up very late searching for a pendulum for a clock. I know right.
And it carried over into today. I was up after only 4 hrs sleep. We didn’t do anything to celebrate, which usually doesn’t bother me, it’s just a Hallmark Holiday, so I wished my mom and MIL a HMD and left it at that.
One of my student’s mom passed this morning, so let myself have a good cry over that. I just spoke with her last week. Gah. Then I ran errands and cleaned the house as usual. Worked on the shop. Had a couple Margarita’s.
I’m thinking maybe taking such a hard shot to the esteem like I took last week is morphing into a lil depression. That ought to help the situation.
OR it’s the fact I go back to doctor tomorrow too…
I just dropped the Nugget off at a 3-hour winter camp at the kids gym where my SIL works and I’m having a panic attack because she’s not with me. Or because I’m not with her. Or because I’ve never just “dropped her off.”
She’ll be fine. She’ll have fun.
She doesn’t need me.
(I think that one hurts the most.)
I don't like feeling/seeming/looking/being weak.
Am I? I don’t know. It applies to a lot of aspects of myself. There are some aspects right now where I don’t know if I am.
Now that I think of it, I guess I feel weak right now. I mean I’m up taking the time to type this out, and it is on my mind. Maybe. I am.