How did you feel when you first entered the cage Lucifer? What is it like? Is it pure fire, ice.. Or is it, something different. Something that deprived your senses and distraction from the environment in which you were placed, your most defining trait, light, no more. Is that your idea of pure hell? ((Oh my god I am so terrible I should just jump into the pit DX))
You want to know what the cage was like? Fine. I hope you know of which you asked, human.
Fire? I wish. Perhaps, fire might have hurt less. The rest of Hell is certainly fiery, however, one isn’t given that luxury at the bottom of the pit. No, the cage at the bottom of Hell is beyond freezing. Earth’s never seen a temperature so cold. Why do you suppose I burn icy? I didn’t always burn this way. Being locked up in that cage changes a being, in more ways than one.
It is quite literally a cage at the bottom of Hell. Special metal angel-proof bars and all. It’s quite tiny. I couldn’t even stretch my wings out. Do you know how painful it is to not be able to stretch out one’s wings? Imagine not being able to stretch out your arms, for millenniums. Really sensitive arms, mind you. You can’t begin to fathom how uncomfortable that was.
It’s dark. Completely dark. You think you’ve seen darkness, but you haven’t. There’s no light anywhere around. Even I, as bright as I burn, couldn’t see my own wing in front of any of my faces. You can’t see anything. You may think “Oh, complete darkness, that’s not so bad. I sleep in that all the time.” No, you’re wrong, you hairless ape. You can’t even imagine the complete and total darkness that I was left in for thousands of years. I never thought I’d miss something as simple as sight.
Most of all, it’s lonely. The rest of Hell is crowded, demons and human souls everywhere. There’s talking and screaming and laughing. In the cage? There’s none of that. It’s dead silence, the rest of Hell shut out. The only noises I heard regularly were the sounds of my own screams, sobs, and speaking. Sure, Azazel, was able to reach me after slaughtering all those nuns, but do you know how few and far between those conversations were? It took a lot of work and bloodshed every time my children wanted to say a few words. Needless to say, I didn’t hear from them very often. So, I was left alone; in dead silence.
The cage was cold, tiny, dark, silent, and lonely.
I was trapped in there for millenniums. Put there by own brother, who I once adored and who raised me from the time I was a tiny fledgling, on my Father’s orders. I trusted him. I screamed as he sealed the door. I begged and pleaded and grovelled. I was willing to do anything to get him not to slam that door in my face and leave me there to rot.
What did he do? He said “Sorry Lucifer, but you chose this. You’re a monster and need to be locked away. I have orders from Father and I’m not disobeying him. I’m a good and loyal son, not a rebellious freak like you.”
Then, he slammed the door in my face as I continued to scream for him and shed tears.
I spent the next several centuries like that; screaming for my siblings, for my Father. I screamed that I loved them and missed them. I screamed their names. I screamed that I was sorry but I just couldn’t love these flawed humans. I screamed that Father had asked too much of me, and if I were let out, I would try to be better.
I screamed until I lost my voice, then I started all over again.
I wailed. I sobbed. I cried until my wings were soaked from brushing away my own tears.
I was alone, cold, and scared. I didn’t know if I would ever get out. Michael nor Father ever gave me a “release date”. They left me in there indefinitely. I reminded Father that I loved him, Michael too, and I begged them to let me out. I prayed so hard, only to hear nothing back. I prayed to everyone in my family constantly and I never heard a single word in response. I didn’t know if they were even still alive.
There was no distraction. No entertainment. Just me.
You know those depictions of me with damaged wings? Yeah, I did that. Sometimes, I sat there and just plucked every feather out, one by one. Anything to take my mind off of where I was. Any kind of pain to make me forget the pain of being abandoned by my family.
I missed them all so much. Gabriel, Metatron, Michael, Raphael, even Father.
I just wanted to see my little brother grow up. I wanted to hold Gabriel again and have him look up at me with those big, mischievous yet loving, eyes. I wanted to continue teaching him, and let him know that I still loved him. Just a letter. I wanted to just send a letter, letting him know that I hadn’t forgotten him and I missed him every single moment. But no, Hell doesn’t have a mail delivery service to Heaven. I often wondered what kind of archangel he grew up to be, I only hoped that Heaven had been kinder to him.
I wanted to see Metatron. Just to watch him work, or hear him laugh. Just to have him ruffle my hair(which I had previously hated). I couldn’t though. I missed my older brother dearly.
Raphael. I just wanted to hear his voice, to play games. I wanted to have races again to see who could fly the fastest. I wanted to dare each other, who could get Michael to yell first. I wanted to take him to Earth and watch him play with the animals, or play hide in seek in the garden in Heaven with him.
Even, Michael. I wanted to be able to touch my oldest brother again. He raised me, took care of me in so many ways. He taught me everything. He was the one I looked up to and loved the most. Even to hear him scold me again, as he did when I was a fledgling, would’ve been so warmly welcomed. Anything to know my oldest brother hadn’t really given up on me and didn’t really hate me. I just needed a spark of hope that our relationship wasn’t over. I needed to know my closest brother still loved me. I never got that.
Father. They say Hell is the absence of God, they’re not wrong. His grace is nowhere to be found. His voice isn’t heard. Heaven was once full of his presence, so warm and loving and peaceful. There wasn’t a hint of that in Hell. I just wanted my Father to wrap me in his arms again and tell me things were okay. I wanted to know that he wasn’t so angry with me that I couldn’t be forgiven. More than anything, I needed to know my Father still loved me and would come back and let me out. I wanted to know that I’d be welcomed back home someday and things could be pleasant and peaceful again. I never got that either.
Oh, and there’s the sulfur smell in the cage. That’s awful. Little in comparison to the other sufferings, but still unpleasant.
There you go, human; exactly what you asked for.
Have a nice day,
Sebastian groaned, rubbing his tired eyes. His hair was sticking out in all directions. He stepped into the small kitchen, clad in a pair of pajama pants. His Dads had woken him up a few minutes ago, telling him they were hunting a ghost in town. “A few hours tops,” Sam had said. “There’s money on the table and a phone if you need anything.”
Sebastian was about to open the fridge when he froze. There was a powerful presence very close by. More powerful than archangels he’d come across. Slowly he turned, green eyes wide as they settled on the new presence in the room. Whoever the creature was, he was full of darkness. And he was much more powerful than any angel or demon that had hunted him.
Hello there! Your blog is amazing, it's good to see a fellow Balcifer shipper, and I just have to say this, your fics, are fucking amazing. Really well written, and they give me a laugh on a bad day with the humor you work into them.
sorry, i flailed a bit. i actually fell out of my chair
thank you so much!!