my fiance legit just told me,
“When I get really down on myself, I just think about Nicolas Cage. If that guy can be an actor, I can do anything.”
Mitch: “our new place needs to have a nice big closet for your stuff”
Yup. Definitely marrying the right man.
-“….who even says that…?”
“Target. ‘Mossimo junior knickers’…It’s almost offensive. Like it almost makes me feel uncomfortable saying it…”
“You didn’t hear that? It sounded like a fucking mech suit just powered up outside.” -Josh
i asked my fiance to cuddle with me. he said no. someone please hold me. i need it right now…
Hairy Pooter and Prisoner of AssCabin.
Mitch: *looking through Instagram* “who’s ‘Bootyman12’…….?”
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