Slaughtered by ṣalawāt | Sukina Pilgrim, Poetic Pilgrimage.

Some would say I’ve lost my mind.

As I sit here contemplating suicide.

My soul is singing because love is brimming inside

But my nafs is clinging to its identity

In my mind.

This world of ‘me’ is annoying me.

In fact I’m annoying me.

So I’m in talks with my soul and my body

To call a truce

And make a noose out of my ḏikr beads.

Hang me from the nearest tree

So that the Ḥamd that lives in me for He is free

Being with bodies makes me feel lonely

So I’ve come to the conclusion

That the only solution

Is no me –

Just flesh blood veins and meat

Hanging from a tree

My suicide note will read:

Allâhumma salli ‘alâ sayyidinâ Muhammadini-l

 fâtihi limâ ughliq, wa-l khâtimi

limâ sabaq, nâsiri-l haqqi bi-l haqq, wa-l hâdi

 ilâ sirâtika-l mustaqîm,

wa ‘alâ âlihi haqqa qadrihi wa miqdârihi-l azîm.

Death by Muḥammad’s Dīn

Allāh make me Muḥammadi

Muḥammad Means

Praiseworthy

And the only reason why Allāh created me

Is to sing His praise like a canary

Every other utterance

Is shirk

To me.

I want to jump into the deepest sea

Be left for dead on the oceans bed

But please don’t look for me

Look for He who will roll

The heavens up like a scroll

When He’s ready.

And give me eternal life

When He’s ready.

By way of Aḥmad ﷺ

So patiently

I push ṣalawāt between my tongue and teeth

Until the ṣalawāt becomes me

And I join the unseen

And all you see

Is a reflection of the Muḥammadan reality.

Where I used to be.

Insha’Allāh

Amīn.