“Before I ran for district attorney, two Republicans invited my husband and me to lunch, and I knew a party switch was exactly what they wanted. So, I told Chuck, ``We'll be polite, enjoy a free lunch, and then say good-bye.'' But we talked about issues -- they never used the words Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal. We talked about many issues, like welfare, is it the way of life or hand up? Talked about size of government, how much should it tax families and small businesses? And when we left that lunch, we got in the car and I looked over at Chuck and said, "I'll be damned, we're Republicans." ”

—Susana Martinez (New Mexico Governor’s Convention Speech)

The RNC Starts In Under One Hour!

If you have no idea who anyone speaking tonight is, have no fear: I just wrote a way more extensive who’s who of these people than I ever wanted to.

Also, we are streaming the convention live on Lawsonry, as well as adding our hilarious commentary. So head over there at 7, join me, and preferably bring booze.

I do not care about what Clint Eastwood has to say about politics

I do not care that some random senator from Florida has parents from Cuba

I do not care about Romney’s family history

I realize there is high unemployment

I get that the middle class is suffering

Is anyone going to explain a plan to fix anything?

No? But its all Obamas fault though. I’m glad that was made clear.

What was the point of this entire convention?

Introducer of Mitt Romney at the convention (Marc Rubio): "if we do what our parents have done for us, our country will be the best it's ever been."
Einstein: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."