You’re kinda my idol so I was hoping you could help me out with some advice. I am fat (5’8, 200lbs) and am having the worst time with self love & acceptance. Lately I feel like I can’t dress my body. I feel like just a blob of mass. To add to this, I feel like I can’t get anything right ever with my hair or makeup routine and my friends continually make passive aggressive comments about my looks. Do you have any advice that might help me through this terrible slump?

First off, I am so terribly sorry you are feeling this way. I have been through it myself and it’s really, really hard. Here’s ten pieces of advice that I hope helps!

1. Stop weighing yourself, the idea of giving these numbers, these weights/heights/measurements is not necessary.  Unless you want to get pants hemmed or something. And in that case, let the seamstress deal with it. 

2. Losing weight is not important - feeling healthy is. When I was going through a similar phase I found that doing some light exercise really helped my energy levels. Eating healthy food and getting enough sleep also helps me feel really good. When I feel good physically, it makes a huge difference emotionally.

3. Try and look past your physical issues you are having with yourself, and pay attention to your mental health as well. Be honest with yourself. Is there something else going on? Are you anxious? Depressed? I had a really awful anxiety problem so I went to talk to someone and got a lot of coping advice. Once I started learning how to cope with my anxiety, I also started to feel a lot better. 

4. Do something different! If the things you are trying fashion wise are not working, try something else! That’s the exciting part of fashion, it is always changing! Cut your hair off! Colour it! If you don’t have the money, try and do it yourself. It’s amazing what happens to your self confidence when you get a hair cut or hair colour you really like. 

5. If your friends are making passive aggressive remarks on the way you look unfortunately  you need to think about making new friends. Friends don’t do that. Friend’s should NEVER do that! They should be supportive of you, your body, your brain, etc. no matter what you look like, how much you weigh or what your hair is doing. It takes quite a toll on your mental health to constantly feel like you have to justify yourself to your FRIENDS. You don’t. If they don’t like it, that’s too bad for them. Making friends on Tumblr is so rewarding. Crowcrow has helped me a lot by just lending an ear (or eyes, rather) and letting me rant. Having an unbiased person listen to you is something everyone needs.

6. One of the biggest things that helped me get through this phase was to photograph myself. I photographed myself from every angle, every outfit (good or bad, too short or tight) and I posted it. I let people talk about me. Some of the things people have said about me on the internet are the worst I have ever heard. It’s helped me let those types of comments roll of my back. It also introduced me to people that were going through the same thing, people that looked forward to seeing my photos, to seeing me. That kind of support whether it be in “real life” or not is amazing. Tumblr is full of amazing people with nothing but good things to say.

7. Dance. Dance like a mother fucker. Put on some booty bass, twerking, rap, hip hop playlist from Songza and just go for it. It sounds cheesy as fuck…. but man, if you don’t feel sexy while dancing to Major Lazer’s “Bubble Butt” I dunno what to tell you!

8. Keep a journal. Write what you did that day, what mood you’re in… the things that make you happy and unhappy. When you’re having one of those days revisit said journal and take note. It’s really important to learn what kind of habits we have and what to avoid. For example, when I get in one of those anxious moods and I’m feeling down for whatever reason, I go back to a certain page in my journal where I made a list for “Shitty Days” - My list is: Eat pizza, smoke weed (if you don’t do that… light a candle) Have a bath, Read Jeffrey Brown’s “Clumsy”, Masturbate - Make your own “HAPPY LIST!”

9. Make some art. If you don’t do art, who cares. There’s no such thing as “not doing art” Grab a pencil and a piece of paper and draw whatever hilarious comes to mind. One of my favourite things is drawing cats with with human noses. I know, it sounds weird, but it’s really hilarious. Offer to send it to a random pal off Tumblr.

10. Realize that you are a wonderful human being and that how much you weigh, the colour of your hair and what you wear has nothing to do with your self worth. You only have one life, and you should be living it the way you want to. I am a huge believer in making changes, no matter how big or small.  For example, I quit my job today. I can’t technically afford it, I am going to school… but I was unhappy and I had to make a decision and I did. I don’t know how it’s going to work out, if it will work out… but it’s about taking these risks to better yourself as an individual. So I guess this piece of advice would be: If you don’t like something, change it.