like a baby's ass.

I know this isn’t a review blog (which sucks for me because I could be getting paid for praising the skies for these products I love) but I figure that hearing a chick who hates buying bullshit beauty products unless they seriously up my fierce factor might be more convincing than a chick who was given free stuff to rave about.

So a little while back I wrote about how I have decided to marry olive oil extra virgin olive oil since it was treating my face so well. We are still happily together- but I wanted to share with you the product which is making my entire body feel just as scrumdiddlyumptious. This motherfucker right here:

(click that dumb ass bottle) It’s Neutrogena body oil and it’s meant to go on your damp skin after a shower. The reason I like it is because it doesn’t feel like slathering dollar store lube all over my body like some moisturizers can feel like and it’s far more glamorous a process than shaking the bottle of cocoa butter lotion and having it fart out onto your hand and then take a damn hour to rub it all in. No- with this body oil you feel like Cleopatra or some shit when you rub it on yourself. It’s very watery but it really spreads out easily, meaning you don’t need much to get a lot. What I like to do is retire to my bedroom, light some candles, put on a Kenny G tape and then oil my entire body up. I let shit get real sexy. I rub the ash right out of those elbows, I spend way longer than necessary on my boobs and butt and probably have a “ME GUSTA” face while doing so, I hit up the neck, arms, legs, feet and because I’m a pastel goth rebel I wipe my hands off by massaging the rest into the ends of my hair, which are almost always in need of extra moisture. And I make sure not to use too much or else my body will feel like a giant strand of Uncle Jesse’s hair. But in about 20 minutes it all soaks in completely and the skin just feels so soft and heavenly and pretty that you just want to throw on high heels and a trench coat and drive to your lover’s house for some surprise sexual intercourse. 

It’s also pretty reasonably priced, especially considering you don’t use a lot each time. I’m not sure if it would produce such awesome results for people with certain skin conditions, but if you have dry skin (or just want super smooth, nourished skin) it’s worth a try. And I’m serious about setting the mood when you do it- shit can get intense. 

Also I’m sorry for the creepy header.