“Let me be clear: I don't believe that previously non-raping audience members are going to take to the streets in a rape mob after hearing one rape joke. That's an absurd and insulting mischaracterization. But I do believe that comedy's current permissiveness around cavalier, cruel, victim-targeting rape jokes contributes to (that's contributes—not causes) a culture of young men who don't understand what it means to take this stuff seriously. And how did they try and prove me wrong? How did they try to demonstrate that comedy, in general, doesn't have issues with women? By threatening to rape and kill me, telling me I'm just bitter because I'm too fat to get raped, and suggesting that the debate would have been better if it had just been Jim raping me. This isn't just coming from anonymous trolls. Local comics — whom I know and work with — have told me to shut the fuck up. One hopes I'll fall down a flight of stairs. (He later apologized—to my boyfriend, not me.)”
—LINDY WEST, writing on Jezebel, “If Comedy Has No Lady Problem, Then Why Am I Getting So Many Rape Threats?”
what the men said to me before it happened (TW)
You have nothing. We will make you whole.
Put away your keys; they won’t protect you. This parking lot is dark for one reason and one reason only. Listen: our hands will light everything up.
Didn’t you know? Your body always comes with strings attached. We’re here to take advantage of them.
Give me a kiss. Come on, use some tongue. Get us warmed up.
I will pull you out of your skin like an anchor.
Why the heavy heart? You knew this was guaranteed. It’s all part of the insurance policy that a woman is born with.
Be still. Be quiet enough that we can hear the cicadas rubbing against one another, and we won’t have to cover your mouth.
You’re struggling. Listen, even our hearts weigh ten times as much as yours. If your heart is a station wagon, our hearts are Mack trucks. We will run you over and then come back again for a second helping.
I can almost taste you.
Afterwards, you’ll replay this moment over and over again in your head so often you’ll forget the difference between what we did to you and your favorite song set on repeat.
You look like someone who likes it rough.
What, you thought you’d find love? Honey, this is love. We just have a different way of showing it.
Tonight is the best night for doing this since there’s no moon, no stars. The darkness will cover everything up. It will erase us like ghosts.
The blood will only make you stronger. You already bleed every month anyway; more blood will change nothing.
Shh. Be still. Don’t pretend you didn’t know this would happen some day.
We don’t have any excuses.
We don’t need any.
“We’re fifteen minutes into a conversation About patriarchy And the messages in the media And the way young girls are taught to rather starve than be fat And the way young women walk on egg shells when the walk in question Is after 9 pm On a Tuesday To her mothers house We talk about how it feels to be female How It feels to be violated Objectified Devalued Tossed aside We talk about female infanticide And we talk about the wage gap And the way men sit on the bus And we talk about issues mostly relevant To us But then I say “and as white feminists” And her flag goes up Because she’d rather talk about the persecution of her bust Than the way that Wage gap aside She still makes more than black guys Because rape culture doesn’t mean shit to her When its acknowledging that Women of Color Get the short end of the already shitty stick and when it’s asserted that a black woman saying she was raped is treated with the same dignity as that one kid who cried wolf she claims exclusion but she says shes not racist even though no body said she was There mere idea of a feminism That doesn’t involve Women who Look like her Exist like her Suffer like her Is too scary a thought And suddenly For a brief second in a haze of Racist Exclusionary Whitewashed bullshit She knows what it feels like to be A feminist and a black woman ”
—Another poem I wrote for a zine I’m working on, this one is calling: Margaret Sanger isn’t For Everybody
- when i walk home by myself any time of day, i am scared that someone is going to violate me
- when i walk home with people any time of day, i am scared
- when i go for a run and see a guy walking a few blocks away, i am scared
- when i walk to my car, i look around it to make sure no one is going to jump out from another car and kidnap me
- when i am home alone, i am afraid someone is going to break in and murder me
- when i go on a date with someone, i am scared they might violate me because i don’t want to do something with them
- when i am with my boyfriend or a guy friend, i am afraid they might suddenly decide to touch me without my permission or consent
- so when i walk on the street and see someone following me, what the fuck do you think i’m going to think about it
- i’m thinking i’m gonna die. i’m gonna get raped.
- not “oh it’s harmless fun”
- it’s not flattering to be honked at; it just reminds me that i live in a world where i will be blamed if i get hurt
- that’s why “connect the hots” is a problem
- it was not blown out of proportion
- it’s wrong
It Happened to Me: I Was Raped at Disney World And Nobody Cared
m.xojane.comThree weeks into the program, I was raped by one of my co-workers.
…
I made an appointment to see one of the counselors in Disney’s Employee Assistance Program. I tried to be optimistic.Of course they’ll listen to me. It’s Disney, a company built on childhood innocence and happiness. Wouldn’t they want to fire an accused rapist immediately? (Spoiler Alert: No.)
I recounted everything that happened that night while the counselor stayed silent and seemed at least mildly sympathetic. When I told her we had been drinking, her face changed from “concerned” to “you made a mistake.” Still, I told her, I said “no” the entire time and he never listened.
The first thing she said to me was “Well, now you know not to be hanging around boys in the middle of the night. You know what they want.”
Take a few seconds and re-read that. Now let’s unpack it.
A certified counselor was insinuating that it was my fault that my coworker decided to rape me — as if I should have known better than to interact with any man after dark. Not only that, but she was advising me to approach every interaction with a man as if he is a potential rapist, including every man that works at Disney World. If I react to a man with anything less than hostility after sundown, whatever happens is my fault.
I told her that “no” means “no” whether it’s day or night. That was apparently too radical an idea for her, as she said nothing in reply. She continued to make excuses for my rapist. She asked where he was from and I told her, “France.” She remarked that “cultural differences” were probably part of the problem, telling me that the French have a “different view of love” than we Americans do.
It was at that point that I completely let go of any hope that this woman would help me.
Still, I told her that I was worried for the girls he was hitting on and didn’t know what to do. She apparently took that to mean I was jealous that I wasn’t getting his attention, because she told me to show up at the next party looking hot and make him jealous.
“You’re a pretty girl. I’m sure you get all the boys.”
I was stunned.Why on earth would I want to make my rapist feel jealous? That sounds like it would make my rapist angry and want to assert his dominance over me and the situation in a sexual way. And if I followed that advice and he raped me again, they would probably just tell me I should have known better than to dress so sexy around him. I stayed silent and took a card with our next appointment written down. I never showed up, and instead filed a complaint against her.
Over the next few days, I had a breakdown that led to me telling my parents what happened in a frantic, panic attack-induced phone call at three in the morning. They encouraged me to tell the company what happened and said they would fly me home the moment I said I wanted to leave. I ultimately decided to stay another week to report the assault and get all my things together.
It was good that I gave myself a week to get the situation straightened out, because it was impossible to find out where to report a sexual assault within the company. There was no information about how to report a sexual assault in the college program, nor any resources for who to contact.
I tried calling every department that sounded like they might deal with sexual assault, but ended up in an endless loop of transferred calls until I finally gave up. I went to the front desk of my apartment complex in search of an answer. The look on the guy’s face when I arrived and asked “Hi, do you know where I go to report a rape?” told me he had absolutely no idea. He gave me the number for department I already called. Eventually I had to ask one of my managers, and thankfully she knew who to contact.
I made an appointment to meet with Cheri in Employee Relations. When I got to her office, I wrote down my statement recounting everything that happened the night of the assault and waited to be called in. Unfortunately, she handled the situation even worse than the counselor had.
“You were drinking?”
Yes, I’m over twenty-one. That is legal.
“Why didn’t you scream? If his roommates were home, they would have heard you.”
Thank you for your brilliant insight. I haven’t beaten myself up enough for that already.
“Why didn’t you push him off you? You said he wasn’t that big.”
I froze. The rape took me a little by surprise.
“Why did it take you this long to report the assault? Are you sure you’re not reporting this as a rape because you wanted him to be your boyfriend and he said no?”
… Fuck you.
“Now what I don’t understand is why you didn’t call the police first.”
Because of literally everything you’re saying to me right now.
Those were the things I thought, because I was crying too hard to answer her in the moment. I was told they would still carry out an investigation, but I had little hope anything would come of it. I left her office and immediately booked my flight home.
About a week after I got home, I received a letter that said my complaint had been “noted” in the counselor’s file. I decided to make a follow-up call to Employee Relations and get an update on my investigation. I was told my case was closed, but that they were not able to tell me what actions they had taken. I immediately contacted one of my co-workers asking if he had recently seen my rapist at work. He told me, “I saw him yesterday. He was fine.”
I’m still floored by how unsupportive Disney was during every step of that process. This is a company with tens of thousands of people working for them just in Orlando, including thousands of college-aged adults living on their premises with very little supervision.
There is no information on how to report a sexual assault and seemingly no one competent enough to handle the situation when someone figures out how. To be honest, I feel more violated by the way Disney treated me than I feel from being raped, and I’m worried for every other person that has been in my situation.
These past nine months have been incredibly difficult; “Disney” is not an easy name to escape, along with constant reminders of the time I spent there. However after all this time, I’ve managed to turn all of the bullshit in this situation into an immense amount of self-confidence and self-love that I have never felt before.
It’s difficult to ask every person that reads this article to stop supporting a company that is so pervasive in pop culture (though be my guest, as they say). Nevertheless, I have a feeling that with enough publicity over how poorly their company handles sexual assault accusations, Disney might actually do something proactive about it. So if you would, share this article wherever your online presence may be. We’ll see what happens.
14-Year-Old Rape Victim: "I Can’t Walk Outside Without Someone Calling Me a Whore or Slut”
(Think Progress) - Several high-profile cases of sexual assault have shown the consequences of rape culture: From Rehtaeh Parsons’ suicide to the Steubenville rape trial, these girls were re-victimized by the harassment and public shaming that followed the sexual assault.
Now, a 14-year-old in Elwood, Indiana who is eight months pregnant faces ongoing harassment simply because her neighborhood sees her as a very young pregnant girl. But a reporter at the Indianapolis Star writes that her town does not know the full story of the 17-year-old boy who physically overpowered her after she told him “no.” On Tuesday, he faces sentencing for three counts of child molestation.
At the same time the girl has encountered vicious public shaming from her community, she and her mother Kristy Green have spoken out because they worry her assailant will walk free in juvenile court:
“I can’t walk out the door without someone calling me a whore or slut,” the girl said. “I used to have a lot of friends, or people I thought were my friends, but as soon as this happened I just isolated myself.”
The repeated vandalism incidents at the family’s home — including the words “whore” and “slut” scrawled on the garage doors — were reported to police. But Green said no charges were filed because there were no witnesses to the acts.Her daughter also has been the target of mean-spirited rumors and speculation that her pregnancy is the result of promiscuous behavior.
This ordeal is all too common for victims of sexual assault — a reality that affects not just U.S. teens in school, but also pervades military and sports culture. The Chicago Tribune Editorial Board recently noted that “it’s still news when a rape victim stands in front of the cameras to state what ought to be obvious, which is that she has nothing to be ashamed of.”
But the people in Elwood — lacking the details of the rape due to privacy in the juvenile court system — reverted to alienating the teen for her pregnancy because they assumed she must have been “promiscuous.” That’s true for many teen moms across the country, who are often on the receiving end of this stigma precisely at the time they most need support. Public awareness campaigns attempting to prevent teen pregnancy often put inordinate focus on “slut-shaming” abstinence over comprehensive sexual health resources.
This makes me so sick, it’s disgusting that this kind of behavior is generally tolerated and even defended in our culture.
The same culture that is against comprehensive sex education, access to birth control and abortion is going to shame this girl for being pregnant.
Even had this girl’s pregnancy not been the result of rape, she doesn’t deserve this treatment from the community.
The people doing this to her are gross, horrible people who get off on lording their piety over other people.
They are bullies who are getting off on this girl’s misery. - and they think it’s okay to act like this because of how tolerated it is in our culture, in our media, and in our justice system.
This is gross.
I Love Videogames, So Why Do They Hate Me?
In a perfect world, I wouldn’t be writing this. In a perfect world, none of the events that lead to just how uncomfortable I am would have ever transpired. In a perfect world, maybe I could have just watched E3 and seen some new games announced that would have piqued my interest and made me even a little hopeful for some new content. But this isn’t a perfect world. This is a horrible, disgusting world where I’m presented with rape jokes at the biggest gaming expo of the year.
“You like this!”
“I don’t like this!”
“Just let it happen, it’ll be over soon.”
Those were the lines uttered during Rare’s Killer Instinct demonstration at Microsoft’s Xbox One E3 event. As soon as they were said, I just kinda lost focus on the actual conference and the events. I went to look on twitter, and sure enough, other people had noticed and were commenting on it as well. Everyone seemed to recognise that this was a rape joke. For me, the wind was knocked out of my sails. It was one of those things where I was just left completely shocked, and it took me a while to figure out why.
Over the years, sadly, I’ve grown accustomed to rape jokes in my media. Usually it’s contextualised in fiction, and I can shove it aside with only minor discomfort because “it’s not real this time.” I shouldn’t have to shove that sort of thing aside, but I’ve come to accept it as a fact of life at this point. I imagine many other women have as well.
The conference was different, though. Instead of it being rooted in fiction, this was a real man and a real woman on the stage. These were words being exchanged between two people on the screen in front of me and, for once, I couldn’t shake it off. I couldn’t because it had crossed over from being fiction to existing in the real world again. I was forced to deal with the implications of rape, the effects it’s had on my life, and the effects it has on a societal level. It’s… kinda hard to enjoy the games conference after that.
But then it got kinda worse. Because after a while, the other implications began to sink in. The big one was that this woman, the second one I saw at that conference, was on the other end of a rape joke, which sends two strong messages. The first is that they thought that rape is an acceptable thing to include as a joke. That rape is a joking matter and not a problem endemic to modern society.
The second message it carried was one that hit far more close to my heart. It sent the message that women and rape survivors aren’t welcome in gaming. This is crushing to me and I guess I have to get personal about this because this is part of why I’m so bothered by this.
After my sexual assault, I was… pretty much completely locked up in my room away from the world. I couldn’t deal with anyone or anything at all without having panic attacks or turning into a horrible, blubbering mess. I couldn’t even go so far as to sit with my family at dinner. This went on for the better part of two years. Two years I spent in my room just reading books, watching horrible daytime soap operas, and playing videogames.
I didn’t have a lot of games then, only about 6 or 7 of my own. My dad was kind enough to one day dig the NES out of storage one day and leave it outside my room, which brought the collection to well over 50 games. I played those games for hours, since they offered me a nice escape from where I was at that time in my life. It’s largely thanks to this part of my life that I was ever able to realise that I want to make games. I’d spend time thinking about games critically so that I could figure out what best drew me in and helped me cope with my problems.
I fell a bit out of love with games a couple years later, when they had finally helped me work up the courage to apply for university. I’d still play older, emulated games on my computer during that time though. I even got a used Nintendo 64 which I spent a lot of time playing Rare games on. For all their flaws, I spent hours in Jet Force Gemini and Donkey Kong 64. They’re probably some of the most persistent memories I even have from university.
And I suppose that kinda adds insult to the injury, doesn’t it? That a company I once loved took the stage and made a joke about a really personal thing for me and millions of other women in such a way that I felt so excluded.
I don’t know what the point of all this is. I just need to vent and hope that maybe this helps me cope in the same way games did so long ago.
Sexism is taking over feminism.
Men are raped too. Men are stalked too. Men are assaulted too. Feminism used to be about equality between men and women. Modern feminism is about “womyn” being viewed at a higher social standpoint. They complain that men get paid more. That is not entirely true. See, the majority of dangerous, high paying jobs are occupied by men. I’m not saying that there are no women involved in these jobs, but more than 70% (just estimating) are men. Here jobs include, miners, electricians, construction workers, etc.. Women, in America, excluding sexism as a variable, are in fact equal. Some of these modern day feminists are normal people, who were raped, stalked, assaulted, etc. and are just making a statement. But others (not joking here, some people will know this) CREATE the sexism themselves. They are the sexism ones. One “mom website” excludes men from their website. That isn’t the bad part. That is totally understandable considering it’s a website built for moms. But this website had a dad looking for tips, and the community claimed that “women cannot be sexist”, “sexism is only a man against a women”, “only men can be sexist”. THAT is sexist. There is a difference between traditional feminism, which is what women’s rights activists are, and modern, blown-out-of-proportion, feminism. I support women’s rights, though I’m a guy and I’m not a feminist. But I do not support those sexist women who want to eradicate all men and create a 100% female population (exaggeration). We know you where raped or assaulted or what know, but you can complain or fight. You can sue the guy, (or girl) or send them to jail. Or you can yell at strangers who you claim have “rape” in their eyes. 4/5 rapes are from someone you know. Know the difference between sexism and feminism. They are NOT the same things. (ps. If you truly belive that you cannot walk down the street without a risk of being raped, do something. Buy mace, or take self defense lessons, or buy a gun, or stick one of those anti rape things in your hoo-hah. Don’t let anyone touch you that you don’t want to. It’s your body, protect it. Don’t let it happen, stop it before it happens. I get that it’s not easy, but at least try. Let the angry sexism womyn insult me for claiming that they are sexist. I might’ve left things out.
The Myth That Rape Rarely Causes Pregnancy Comes From Nazi Experiments
slate.comI dont understand why Republicans continue to offer up headlines like GOP congressman: Rate of pregnancies from rape is very low. It is terrible politics for them to focus the publics attention on their justification for the fact that they dont support an exception to abortion bans for rape…
I don’t understand why Republicans continue to offer up headlines like “GOP congressman: Rate of pregnancies from rape is ‘very low.’ ” It is terrible politics for them to focus the public’s attention on their justification for the fact that they don’t support an exception to abortion bans for rape victims. The view doesn’t have anything like majority support, and they come off as heartless, ignorant scolds. If I were an anti-abortion activist, I’d want to muzzle these people. But they are irrepressible. At a congressional hearing Wednesday, Rep. Trent Franks, a Republican from Arizona, argued against an exception for rape and incest victims from a ban on abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy. He said, “Before, when my friends on the left side of the aisle here tried to make rape and incest the subject—because, you know, the incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low.” He is of course following in the footsteps of former Rep. Todd Akin of Missouri, who said that women can stave off pregnancy after a “legitimate rape.” (He apologized but that didn’t save him from losing his next election.)
These claims are false, of course, or as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists puts it, “medically inaccurate, offensive, and dangerous.” That is not all that’s wrong with the claims. They originate with Nazi experiments on women in concentration camps. Here’s what I wrote about this last November
“In the aftermath of Akin’s statement, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported on a 1972 essay by an obstetrician named Fred Mecklenburg, who cited a Nazi experiment in which women were told they were on their way to die in the gas chambers—and then were allowed to live, so that doctors could check whether they would still ovulate. Since few did, Mecklenburg claimed that women exposed to the emotional trauma of rape wouldn’t be able to become pregnant, either. (He also argued that rapists are infertile because they masturbate a lot.) The essay was published in a book financed by A.U.L.”
A.U.L. is Americans United for Life, a pro-life advocacy group with increasing clout because of its success in drafting model state laws to restrict abortion. The line from the Nazis to Mecklenburg to Akin and Franks runs through Jack Wilke, a doctor who is the former head of the National Right to Life Committee. He said, “What is certainly one of the most important reasons why a rape victim rarely gets pregnant, and that’s physical trauma.” And he stuck with this when the Los Angeles Times called to ask him about Akin last year. When I asked A.U.L. head Charmaine Yoest about the claim that rape rarely results in pregnancy, she was smarter and called it “a distraction.” Abortion opponents sure do keep bringing it up, though.
