Shout out to the Straight Allies (the real ones)
I’ve got some questions though.
Do you know what the Compton Cafe Riots were?
Do you know what happened at Stonewall? What?
Why are LGBTQ politics important to you?
What do you think is the most important issue facing LGBTQ people?
What makes you an ally/how are you involved?
Do you know what intersecting identities are?
Do you take on the burden of explaining oppression to the oppressor so the oppressed doesn’t have to?
Do you support LGBTQ people in their struggle, or do you actively fight/speak on their behalf?
Are you familiar with LGBTQ history/politics/theory?
Do you know what it means to be queer?
Are you familiar with queer history/politics/theory?
Do you recognize your own privilege?
If a queer person says you said/did something homophobic, but you KNOW you didn’t, do you defend yourself or apologize and hear the individual out?
If an LGBTQ person said they didn’t want you as their allying/you weren’t doing something right, would you be offended/not want to be an ally anymore? Or would you understand the sentiment and continue working on being a good ally?
Are you constantly engaging in self-reflection/self awareness to prevent yourself from doing and saying oppressive things?
Do you avoid using homophobic language in public?
Do you avoid using homophobic language around gay people?
Do you avoid using homophobic language at all times?
Do you call people out when they are engaging in homophobic behaviors/ideologies/languages?
Do you avoid using oppressive language at all times?
Do you call people out on their oppressive behaviors/ideologies/comments/jokes?
How do you feel about the PIC?
Where do you stand on prison abolition and why?
Who do mainstream LGBTQ politics help and how?
Who do mainstream LGBTQ politics harm and how?
Still sure you’re an ally?
My thoughts on "Gay Marriage" (from a radical, queer, genderqueer)
So. My thoughts on gay marriage/same-sex marriage/marriage. To start, I’m definitely for equality of all people, and of course I believe that all queer people, LGBTQ people, asexual people, intersex people, etc., deserve the same rights. But, I do not believe that the way the “Gay Marriage” debate is the way to go about it.
Why not, you ask? Gay marriage is great and LGBTQ couples deserve equal protection under the law!
THEY TOTALLY DO. But I believe there is an insidious idea behind this- that it is forcing LGBTQ people to assimilate into the most palatable form that straight people can think of us as: in monogamous relationships. There are tons of jokes out there about how it’s “OK” for gays to get married because then they will be as miserable as straight people.
Yay? I definitely believe that LGBTQ people deserve the same rights to have partners and protections under the law but their are plenty of people with in the LGBTQ community who do not want to be in monogamous marriages, and we shouldn’t forget their voice. Rather, I think it would be better to reframe the argument over protections under the law for all people and relationships. After all, there are people who do not want to be in relationships at all. There are people who are poly, like myself, and are shut out of the ‘Gay Marriage’ debate as well. Even the very name ‘Gay Marriage’ shuts out a majority of the community.
Secondly, while this debate is an important one to have, we shouldn’t forget about the many other pressing concerns within the LGBTQ community. For example, LGBTQ youth homelessness is a huge issue which does not get nearly enough press. And how about violence against trans* people? When you have to worry about being able to use a public bathroom, we still have huge amounts of work to do.
Polyamory Zine Call Out (Juggling the Rainbow)
ZINE CALL-OUT: Juggling the Rainbow # 3 (Sharing this on behalf of a friend)
Dear friends near and far,
It IS time again to start collecting stories for JTR # 3. Here is the call-out to contemplate, to forward to others around the globe, your circle of friends and lovers; and to respond to (of course):
As usual, there is no specific focus but “personal writings on non-monogamous relationships” (the idea is not so much to share academic/theoretical/ too philosophical work - I want the real-live-experience ;-).
Whatever angle you want to take, story to tell, medium suits your story best (poem, comic, interview, article, stencil, collage …) is up to you. If you need some inspirations to get you started, here is a list of loose themes or questions I collected:
- Why do I chose an alternative to monogamy?
- Jealousy and boundaries (negotiations)
- Poly - queer - race-ism – culture - gender
- Coming out as non-monogamous (perception/judgement/reaction of outsiders)
- Poly /alternatives & children
- Relationships, mental health and recovery
- Conflicts between mono needs and poly desires (between partners)
- Do multiple relationships effect my friendships?
- What practical stuff / tips can I give to others (eg. living/together, safer sex, time management)?
- How was/is the “opening up” process within an existing relationship?
Please contact me on
email@example.com (These zines can be downloaded from QZAP)
Deadline for submissions is 20th of January 2013. (Put this in your wall planner ;-)
Please let me know what NAME / synonym you wish to publish your piece under!!
Articles that have been published elsewhere and fit in with the zine’s focus (personal story), are absolutely welcome.
I can’t wait to receive your stories and create another beautiful zine together. with queer love & anticipation!
this is where i lose more followers.
i’ve been complaining for a long time about how ridiculous i find femmecon to be, but yesterday i actually felt myself starting to get mad. because the queer community is, by far, the most mobilized around conferences which center around dress / individualism & there’s such little internal critique within online queer spaces, so of course radfems decided to pick up the slack & talk about how feminiziation - not fucking “femmephobia” ugh - is an extension of patriarchal oppression. because none of the social justice heros in our communities were fucking doing it. because even queer communities fucking hate women. we (anti-essentialist gay / queer folks on the internet esp from progressive backgrounds) sorta allowed it to get to this point by not talking about material realities and concerns for fear of gender exclusivity or not using the correct language. and of course, radfems took advantage of our silence to manipulate material realities talk to spread transphobic messages of anatomical determinism. it’s just really fucking sad to me, and i think it’s really fucking dangerous how divisive we have allowed the split between “radical queer” and “radical feminist” to become. neither “side” seems capable of validating what others are going through, listening empathetical, treating others as they want to be treated but also addressing that patriarchy is a major force which teaches us how to navigate certain social interactions, contort our bodies & structure our personal narratives. can my new address be over a hill, under a rock?
“I have also often found myself frustrated with so-called radical queers or perverts that somehow find it acceptable to demand that everyone else recognize and respect their sexuality and sexual choices, while at the same time assuming all straight people are narrow, and dismissing the desires of others by using condescending and disrespectful terms like âvanilla sexâ to describe interactions that donât live up to their standards of whatâs kinky enough to warrant their approval... I guess what I am basically getting at is I wish we could listen to each other more. I wish we could drop our guards and our swords and our guilt and our shame and talk to each other.”—
A really solid friend of mine shared this with me the other day and as she commented on this she said “straight could easily be replaced with monogamous” and I couldn’t agree more. Too often I feel like folks are so negative about chosen relationship practices. I just think that if monogamy works for me and I practice it in a way that is kind, compassionate, and ‘healthy’ (which means something different to every person, I’m sure) then folks should simply be happy for me or at the very least, be indifferent. I’m just so tired of hearing things like “Let’s hate on monogamy” or “Ew, don’t say the M word!”
Let’s practice letting love into our hearts instead of spending so much time and energy on “hating on” things.
My COW chalkings:
Recorded here because THE FUCKING RAIN WASHED THEM ALL AWAY AS SOON AS I FINISHED:
In front of our health & counseling center: Hey Worth/CAPS, what do you know about TRANS* HEALTH?
On the pavement in Parrish Circle: FUCK THE BINARY
Between Parrish & Kohlberg: LGB_? Where is my “community”?
In front of Martin (the bio building): Bio- What is prof diversity?
Near Trotter: This is my home. -Queer senior nervous about the future
Next to some GaGa lyrics someone chalked: GaGa is transphobic!
Near McCabe: My fave gay couple is Jonathan and King David
Path to McCabe: I <3 Grrls with Stubble & Boys with Clits
Near Kohlberg: Jesus and Judas Were Fucking
Near Trotter: Profs can be trans*phobic too
Also Near Trotter: Q. Community, take care of your survivors
Also Near Trotter: I <3 Femme Boys + Girls + People
Science Center Outdoor Chalkboard (Trolololololo): Dykes <3 Dicks Too! / strap it on!
"OMG remember to wear red tomorrow/change your profile picture to support gay marriage and be a good ally!" No, how about, instead, you strive to achieve constant self awareness/reflection and to be conscious of/combat oppression every single day. How about adopting transformative politics, becoming a REAL ally, and focusing on REAL issues.
You’re changing your profile picture and wearing red tomorrow so gay people can get married? Wow, how noble of you, Mighty Ally; we are forever indebted to you. Meanwhile, radical queers and their allies are utilizing transformative politics, social critical theory, and coalition to fight for important things, like increasing the life chances for marginalized/vulnerable groups, ending the PIC via abolition of prison systems, addressing colonial histories, combating racism, challenging social constructions/denaturalizing “norms”, exposing and combating state violence/institutionalized oppression, exposing the appropriation and privilege of mainstream gay and lesbian individuals and the simultaneous erasure of/violence against “deviant” queers, etc. Yeah, the HRC and mainstream gay and lesbian rights movements have got the right idea. Change your picture and wear a red shirt; it will make such a tremendous difference in the lives of SO MANY queer people inhabiting so many points of intersecting identities! Oh. Wait. I mean it will benefit “good”/”normal” (mostly white/upper middle class) gays and lesbians. Definitely changes the life chances/conditions for those marginalized groups. Right up there with individual rights politics/hate crimes legislation/etc. Oh wait.
Change your picture and let gay people spend millions on weddings. Feel hip/cool/fashionable for supporting gay rights; feel like you’re such an ally and just did so much/are so helpful. I think I’ll work to reduce that privilege/wealth disparity you’re supporting instead. In blue. Because I look good in blue.