BITCHES WHO ARE NOT DINOSAURS
THIS BITCH IS A PTEROSAUR. THIS BITCH IS A FLYING REPTILE WHO LIVED DURING THE TIME OF THE DINOSAURS.
THIS BITCH IS A PLESIOSAUR. THIS BITCH IS A MARINE REPTILE WHO LIVED DURING THE TIME OF THE DINOSAURS.
THIS BITCH IS DIMETRODON. THIS BITCH IS A MAMMALIAN ANCESTOR WHO LIVED BEFORE THE DINOSAURS.
THIS BITCH IS BRONTOSAURUS. THIS BITCH IS NON-EXISTENT.
Prehistoric Creatures According To Cayce
“Is that a fucking radish?”
“tHAT’S A PENIS”.
“And the next contender for Silent Hill: Prehistoric Horrors.”
“And here we have a finely woven hat.”
“IS THAT A FUCKING POKEMON?”
“Were these the condoms of the prehistoric world?”
“I bet you a pizza this was God’s fursona, or scalesona.”
“Remember that finely woven hat? God took it and changed it fit his emo phase.”
“Does this thing have a mouth? What a fucking bitch he thinks he’s too good to suck dick with the commoners.”
“This looks like it had a nose job and the person who did the nose job gave it shrimps instead of nostrils.”
“Basically a vampire vagina seapancake.”
“And last but not least…RING RING RING RING RING, BANANA EEL.”
I used to wait all week for Saturday to roll-around. It wasn’t the free-time that I craved, considering that my work load wasn’t exactly all that heavy when I was in kindergarden. What was so elating about Saturdays was that my father and I would escape the monotony of the house and go out to buy slurpees at the 7-11 (something that would have literally killed my mother, had she known; she was very concerned with food ingredients). We would take the slurpees to a park across the street and drink them while we sat on the swings. But, that wasn’t the best part. The real pinnacle of my day was going to the library, afterwards. My dad and I would split up. He would head for the history archives and I would head for the children’s section. Like any child, I loved books in generals, especially ones with pictures; but, there was one shelf that I favored more than the others: the dinosaur collection. Countless hours I spent entranced in the detailed images of prehistoric monsters who once roamed the earth. They danced across the pages in brilliant color. I wanted to know more about them, their mannerisms, their lives. My favorite books were the ones about ancient marine life. I liked to imagine myself swimming in the ocean, then turning and finding myself face to face with…