Looking for trans*, bi/pansexual, genderqueer, queer, intersex, or poly folks!
So here’s the deal. If you’re trans*, bi/pansexual, intersex, poly, genderqueer or queer, and you like to write? Send me a message.
If you’re new and don’t have a portfolio? Send me a message, and we’ll try and work a deal out.
I can’t pay a lot, but I can offer better than the less than a penny word rates going right now, and you’re essentially getting paid to talk about things you’d be talking about on tumblr, et all anyway (and having a wider audience.)
Please signal boost, as I am really trying to only use queer writers for this, and give folks a chance for their voices to be heard.
“...if your partner loves and respects you and wants to do right by your relationship, then you don't need to place controls on his behavior; his behavior will reflect the fact that he wants to do right by you, and does so because he chooses to, not because you make him. As Shelly wrote elsewhere, behavior is an emergent phenomenon. You don't actually control your partner's heart by controlling his behavior. If your partner's heart is not really with your relationship, making rules won't protect your relationship; if your partner's heart is with your relationship, making rules to protect the relationship is unnecessary.”—more than two/ polyamory/ jealousy: practice
“I can’t even get angry with people who say polyamory is incompatible with true love. They’re just empirically wrong, like someone who remarks confidently that hippos have six legs. They’re not evil or even deluded. They just obviously haven’t seen any hippos. You don’t really want to argue with them so much as take them to a zoo, after which you are confident they will realize their mistake.”—Polyamory Is Boring | Slate Star Codex
“One of my goals in thinking about redefining the way we view relationships is to try to treat the people I date more like I treat my friends—try to be respectful and thoughtful and hav boundaries and reasonable expectations—and to try to treat my friends more like my dates—to give them special attention, honor my commitments to them, be consistent, and invest deeply in our futures together. In the queer communities I’m in valuing friendship is a really big deal, often coming out of the fact that lots of us don’t have family support, and build deep supportive structures with other queers. We are interested in resisting the heteronormative family structure in which people are expected to form a dyad, marry, have kids, and get all their needs met within that family structure.”—
Dean Spade - For Lovers and Fighters
There are so many great thoughts in this piece. You should check it out if you’ve got a few minutes to spare.
What Polyamory is NOT
Polyamory is not cheating, nobody is lying to anyone. If someone lies and the group finds out, well … lying is generally frowned upon in all contexts. That’s why fraud is such a serious thing.
Polyamory is not a license to hit on someone and then be offended when you’re rejected. It doesn’t mean that person doesn’t have standards or principles. They might not even be in an open group, which means you have to meet the personal approval of each member.
Polyamory is not a liberty to invade someone’s space and expect their body, their sex, or their attention. They don’t owe you a single thing.
Polyamory is not just about group sex. If it was, it would only last for the night. It’s a combination of romance and friendship and all the complications that come from caring really deeply for someone.
Polyamory is not polygamy of the crazy Salt Lake City Utah variety. It shouldn’t be religiously motivated or out to control anyone. It should be by negotiating with all parties involved.
Polyamory is not easy. You know all the problems that arise when dating normally? Multiply and compound those by however many partners you know, or just think back to your ex’s. It’s a lot like that, except without the bitterness and the book isn’t permanently shut.
Polyamory is not permission to go behind someone’s back and do things and expect it to be okay if it’s against another person’s personal creed.
Most of all, polyamory is about LOVE. It’s all there in the word.
What It's Like Trying To Explain Poly to a New Person You're Dating.
So, imagine you have the coolest thing ever.
A magical bag that holds an infinite amount of cookies.
And you want nothing more than to share the contents of this bag with lots of people that you like.
And then when you go to offer it to someone they’re like “Wah…didn’t you just share your cookies with Jim?”
And you’re like “Yeah, but I got all these cookies here still! And I want to share with you! There’s enough for everyone.”
And he’s like “I don’t know, I think I’d get too jealous seeing you share your cookies with everyone else.”
Even though you have an infinite amount of cookies.
You can give him all the cookies he wants, and give Jim all the cookies he wants too.
And it’s really frustrating when people don’t want your cookies, just because they want Jim’s cookies too. Or Jim to just not get any cookies. Even though Jim, Sally, and Joe can all have cookies, and there still be no less cookies in the bag.