Waiting. Annihilated.
Back to this reality
Crashing down abundantly
Breaking all my spirit
This isnt working out for me
My highs are turning low now
Ive never been able to slow down
I flipped the script
Fucked up a bit
Then tripped the shit
No fucks found.
I’ve
Never been more than i dreamed i could be
Hardwork and callous expected of me
Im tired of trying
And inside im crying.
Look deep in my words
and youll see that im vying
But, Not for attention
Thats hardly inquisitive
The menace of living
Or people i should forgive.
Shit is just too complicated,
Too deep,
Dont under-estimate it
The last thing you want
Is to be completely annihilated
Annihilated.
I wonder what life would be like
without this trivial pursuit
Locked in a box
Six feet under surrounded by roots
These thoughts are my undoing
A depression adaptive to moving
Cause god only knows
When this heart will stop beating
Buts that isnt true
Ive been waiting to meet him…
are we made of dark or light
to live by day or die at night
what turns everything off and on
are we afraid of our shadows or the dawn
dark loves longer we close our eyes for good
why does being bad feel better than it should
but how can you see when all lights go out
where am i going with all my doubt
haiku's May 2012
1.
morning walk
============
drunk and stumbling through
the harsh light of this cold city street
-morning tradition
2.
the sky that hung like a tarp….
===============================
these dark grey clouds
hanging subtly amidst a summer sky
as a broken man dreams
3.
somedays
=========
I can’t tell if I
really care for people or merely
tolerate them
4.
I guess some people
weren’t meant to catch a break
and so life persists
5.
flowers blooming in the hills
like these thoughts of you that sprout
and take hold in my mind
6.
Inequity of words(pt.2)
===================
Often falling short
These words can be but meager things
-anxiety eats me alive
8.
spring night
============
The cool breezes of a
spring night carry memories of
the Lullabies you sang
9.
these songs on the edge of
my mind shimmer and dance before me
-the ghost of a melody
10.
the moon
========
A Cold wind whispered
through the trees in wonder At the
sight of the moon that night
11.
In the cold air of night
The light of the moon shines on me brightly
as Your image haunts me
12.
slave
=====
they use you like a
slave until your body gives out
and returns to the earth
13.
song birds
singing the morning’s
first song
14.
summer sun,
the steady pulse
of cicadas
15.
a friday in may
===============
memories of you
forever standing on the
edge of summer
16.
like shadows that dance…
========================
nightmares that visit
me in my bed pass by like
shadows that dance
17.
tuesday….
=========
another morning
in the dim glow of the monitor
life is unfolding
18.
Middle-earth
============
out there in the
Forgotten lands of our middle earth
-Beauty unsurpassed
19.
this slow sinking life
was nothing more than a melody
in a minor key
20.
I don’t really get
uncomfortable I merely
bask in awkwardness
21.
Resentful glares
from across the room Painted our
souls with a greenish hue
22.
six
===
even my
life becomes dust
someday
23.
the truth of it was
often eclipsed by the lies her soul
regurgitated
24.
solitary…
=========
gathering the fragments
of a life in solitary
paintings hang on the wall…
25.
Of afternoon walks & the like
=============================
Walking barefoot in
the city during the hot sunny days
-the freedom of summer
we’ve never kissed but when we do
it’ll be more than the press of your lips to mine
;
it’ll me showing you all
the nights i’d miss you in my sleep and wake
with drying tracks on my cheeks and my breath
caught in my throat.
i’d let you swallow it all down
along with the breaths you’d
steal from my lips wide open.
Liquor, Blood, and Graphite
I’m not gonna sleep
I’m not gonna eat
I’m not gonna take pills,
Pray, or weep
I’ll write ‘till I bleed
Drink ‘till I die
Angel or Demon, well
I still can’t fly
The herds they ebb
Those flocks of sheep
Heaven or Hell
My soul won’t keep
It’ll rot out
To the core
I’m alone, I’m prone
To hurt ‘n whore
Aimless ‘n sullen
Slumped to a heap
I’m cursed to this world
Hexed to creep
Can’t stay in one place
Can’t slave to no man
No Satan, no God
No master plan
You’re the salt of the earth
I’m just a sore
Sworn to pain
Bound to my own
Blood ‘n gore
Sickness to the sea
‘Nd to my father’s good name
For his violence and wrath
I surely take blame
Don’t ask me ‘bout warmth,
‘Bout love, or care
I couldn’t be happy
No, I wouldn’t dare
It’s my crown of thorns
My own cross to bear
No shred of solace
To spread or share
YOU ARE ALIVE
I never understood why people harm themselves.
To feel pain or was it the comfort of knowing
that behind their skin still lies blood and not
just rotting flesh.
Pardon my curiosity but
I am as fucked up as you are.
The difference is my scars are in my eyes,
within my hollow laughs and in my broken smiles.
We are alive.
Why must the hurt,
hurt themselves?
Are we that dumb?
Are we that numb?
Aren’t our shattering souls crying,
not enough?
There is already enough damage done.
We are fighting wars within ourselves
PLEASE DO NOT sabotage your real mission.
Stay strong, soldier.
You are alive.
Open your eyes there is a better world
than the one inside your room.
Feel your heartbeat, they are drums
to fuel your spirit.
Breathe.
You are alive.
Don't Be Afraid
Don’t be afraid.
Breathe. Remember
That you are alive.
Darkness has not
Swallowed you up.
The pain has not
Stopped your heart.
Don’t be afraid.
Close your eyes,
Feel your heart beating.
Let the pain flow
So that it may find
The quickest way
To escape you.
Don’t be afraid.
I’m holding your hand.
I won’t let go.
exponential self-depreciation.
the first time
my father
caught me
with a cigarette
in between my lips,
he told me to love myself
and that I was burning up
my value on earth—
self-depreciating
with every drag
of perfumed smoke.
it’s not my fault
that I burn hot
full of hate—
it’s not my fault
that I feel like an inferno
and the plumes of grey
make me feel so complete,
a lovely contrast of sky
against my heavy bones.
he told me to save myself
but I am not an heirloom
to be passed down like
a half-forgotten memory
and if I choose to,
I can immolate myself
as quickly or as slowly
as I damn well please.
Typewriter jazz
drips like watercolor
into the tear-flooded
chambers
of your half-hollow
heart,
And the alleyways
on the back of your hand
wind like boy scout knots
and nooses
made by men
who sing the blues
but everyday save their necks
from it
Because hand-painted tiles
on their mothers’
kitchen floors
remind them that they don’t have to
be marble monuments
to survive
history.
carousel light for your flower in the sun
double syndicate flub,
cut with rust
trust your fetcher,
human bombers flight with dragon jaws dug in,
wires vibrate latent mainframe
in endless microphone loop-
aberation of the dreary gate,
agreeable macabre sentient to delusion,
blazing exasperation
type written across
high language they speak,
today I rode a green tiger-
itch
scales swallowing your heart
while sandbags fill the veins inside you
like the litter in the rivers of the long, broad amazon;
you are the amazon, but your body
cannot move that way, it doesn’t
move enough for someone who is trapped —
take your pills
no
take your pills
no
take your pills
no
three hundred is the charm, or at least you’re hoping, because the morphine is so heavy in your head.
