I have to learn to love this body.
My hands shake
most of the time
and when I’m nervous
I blush
and my voice trembles
like the strings on a guitar.
My mind is too full of words
that haven’t been invented yet
so I can’t even begin to explain
how I feel.
My eyes hurt;
they’ve seen too much.
My heart hurts;
it feels too much.
I have an ache
on certain parts of my body
where scars are growing
and taking permanent shape.
But I have to learn to love this body.
I have to learn
to let myself feel things
like missing you.
Darling,
life is hard.
It’s harder for people like
me and you
who know the tragedy of flight
is to rip yourself apart
to find that one ounce of freedom
only to realize
it wasn’t worth it.
Let’s not make it even harder
for each other.
If you want to go,
go.
You are not tied to anything
except your own beating heart.
Just know that mine
will miss you.
We were not put on this earth to be alone.
Even the wind
running freely
finds something to touch
every goddamn second
and I need to touch you
until I can’t feel anything but you
around me.
But if you want to go,
go.
You don’t need to love this body.
I do.
“Just rise like sunlight and please greet me like the dawn every time I wake.”
—Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson
Too heavy
He held her hand lightly.
His other hand moved
To brush errant hair
From her beautiful face.
He leant his forehead
Against hers and their
Breathing fell into synch.
” forgive me if you can”
” for what?” She replied.
” my love is too heavy
And it sunk us in these
Terrible storms we face. “
She could feel his tears,
But her eyes were shut.
” I wanted you to love
Me as fiercely as I love
You. ” his voice a murmur.
” but there are no half loves,
You either love completely
Or not at all. You don’t
Love me and I have to
Leave so you don’t see
My slow dissolve. ” And
With a gentle kiss to her
Lips he slowly walked away.
She wrapped her arms
Around her knees and wept.
Mundane...
I want to watch you
Folding sheets fresh
From the dryer.
Or when you wash
That pan we made
French toast in.
Or catch you in those
Silent moments you
Sometimes have.
Wanting you, loving you,
In the important times,
Like when we kiss or
You hold my hand
In the busy streets,
That is so very easy
But I love you in
Gentle, quiet,
Nothingness…
I would rather wear a string
of flowers than a string
of pearls.
I would rather not be married.
I would rather love you without
a paper license.
I want us to say fuck the world
and to grow our hair long,
maybe tattoo our bodies with
wise buddhist chants.
I want us to get drunk together
and make love in a car together
and laugh at things
that make us want to give up
on life.
I want us to appreciate everything
on this planet that we grow on.
I don’t want bills to govern us,
I don’t want society to govern us,
I don’t want blue-collar jobs
or gallons of money.
Let’s start a garden
where the grass refuses to grow.
