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How to pretend you are a magnificent philosopher
Use a lot of latin
Incorporate the phrase “a priori” into everything you say. This will intimidate lesser free-thinkers into submission while addling and confusing those who do not know what it is. If you are feeling adventurous, use the phrase “a posteriori”.
Reference Greek or German writers
Actually, referencing anyone at all seems to work wonders for building an image of a philosopher. “Oh are you talking about womens issues? You should read up on some Schatz. Yeah… no… Schatz’s other book. No the OTHER Schatz’s OTHER book. Yeah that one.”
Circumnavigate vernacular if the potential arises
A thesaurus will assist in one’s endeavors here.
Make fun of people who organize thoughts into lists
Seriously, fuck those people, are they even doing philosophy? Do they even know what philosophy is? I’m quite sure they’ve never read up on some Singer. Hey you should read up on some Singer, it would really assist in enlightening your world.
Insert vague conditional statements before any assertion
If you are going to say something, at least say it in a way that allows you to backpedal later while still saving face. Saying “All X’s are Y’s” makes it easy for someone to catch you in a trap of gotcha-logic. Say “I think that, from a personal standpoint, it would seem that a great deal of X’s are in fact Y’s”. You can draw the same conclusions from both statements, but the second one lets you weasel your way out of a counter-argument.
Complain about intense loneliness on your Tumblr
Try to gain a huge following
Because only the best philosophers are appreciated by joe sixpack.
- PhilosopherLikes is possibly suggesting you go read up on some Philolzophy
GET DEM PAGEVIEWS: A Q&A W/ Stephen Dierks
Stephen Tully Dierks is best known for his poetry and the literary/art magazine Pop Serial, part of the litster memeplex (a visual representation of which you can see here courtesy of Becky Lang). Recently he released a free collaborative chapbook of poetry with Steve Roggenbuck called I LOVE MUSIC. This interview was conducted in a highly professional environment.
As someone who expends a significant amount of social energy via the internet, “What the Fuck Does ‘In Real Life’ Mean if You Live In Front of Your Computer?” really spoke to me. When was the first time you made a connection with someone on the internet to such a degree that you would consider them an “internet friend”, how often did you refer to them in conversation with your “real life friends”, and how did you refer to them?
I’m glad you liked that story. The first time I made an internet friend… I’m having amnesia regarding who was the first person I became internet friends with, but it was in spring or summer 2010 probably, and probably happened via gchatting a lot. I remember by the end of the summer of 2010, I considered various writer friends and Pop Serial contributors to be my internet friends and felt like they were “real friends.” In fact, in the fall/winter of 2010, and maybe even to some degree now, I felt like my online friends were more present in my life than my “real life friends”—I felt like I was living online, primarily. The balance between online and non-online friends has shifted sometimes since then, but I think my life changed significantly in 2010, and I began to “live” more online than not. I’m not sure how I have referred to internet friends when talking to real life friends. I think I have most commonly felt the need to refer to internet friends when they have entered my non-online life via moving to my city or one of us visiting the other.
In February you met a good friend of mine in Chicago. I think you hung out with Poncho and some other people, and she seemed to come away with a good impression. What’d you kids get up to that night, and how do you usually entertain new people? Do you ever feel pressured to perform and consciously try to make a good impression?
I’m glad she had a good impression. I had a good impression of her too. Poncho and I were like roommates for a week, and when I got home from work we’d eat and drink and look at the internet and sometimes go do things. When the PhiLOLZophy girls arrived, they came bearing vodka, and we got drunk and laughed a lot. That night we went out to meet [aforementioned friend], got pizza, got some drinks, went back to my apartment, and danced around to music. At one point during the pizza dinner, people were telling stories of indiscretions or times they had been “bad,” I believe, and I initially felt like I didn’t have anything to contribute. I felt sort of lame or at a loss. Then I thought of something, told that story, and felt kind of bad. I think I was trying to impress one of the PhiLOLZophy girls, Sarah, but not anyone else really. I guess I vaguely wanted to seem “reasonably cool” or something, lol.
How do you feel about conversing on the phone versus conversing via gchat?
Gchat seems a lot easier and less pressure.
The tone of your series of interviews with Steve Roggenbuck was mildly antagonistic at times though I know the two of you are very good friends. What’s your preferred method of interviewing? When interviewing people do you prefer to take an antagonistic stance in order to provoke more emotional responses?
That was improv comedy/”horsing around”/a shared brand of zaniness you saw in those videos. In the moment I thought it would be funny to touch his face and interrupt him, so I improvised what you saw. Steve is funny and quick so he played along with it. In general, or with someone who is not a close/zany friend of mine, I would not be antagonistic as an interviewer.
WHAT WAS THE LAST FUCKING BAND YOU LISTENED TO AND WHAT WOULD YOUR FATHER SAY ABOUT THEM?
The-Dream. I think he would say somewhat positive things, but I don’t know if he’d be that into him.
What about the two bands before that?
I’m going to say Cut Copy and Austra. I think my dad would appreciate the songs I’d play for him, but I don’t know if it’d be his bag.
What was the most meaningful movie or TV show you’ve ever seen and which line from it is especially memorable?
I’m going to go with TV show, even though I watch more movies than TV. “Freaks and Geeks” is my favorite TV show. I don’t know what the line is exactly, but I like when Daniel Desario is in Lindsay’s kitchen with Kim Kelly and she thinks he was cheating on her and she’s trying to push him away and pound on his chest and he takes the blows and leans in with this very intense face and says he didn’t do anything repeatedly until she lets up and they make out. No particular reason I like that part, just I like James Franco’s acting style in that scene. Also when Lindsay listens to the Grateful Dead “American Beauty” album in her room, that’s a nice moment.
When you were doing the Ustream reading of I LOVE MUSIC with Steve Roggenbuck you seemed mildly uncomfortable reading out the more explicit poems. How sexually repressed do you consider yourself? Represent the degree of your sexual repression by making an analogy to a celebrity.
I don’t know how sexually repressed I am. I imagine my Catholic upbringing has repressed me to some extent (I haven’t gone to church since high school). My degree of sexual repression is like Jim Carrey’s dramatic career—-he’s very good at drama, but he only takes certain roles and he spends a lot of time doing comedy. I have no fucking clue what that analogy could possibly mean. Don’t try to interpret it—-I failed at making an analogy.
Some of your poetry is really beautiful like your eyes. This isn’t a question.
I think there’s the assumption that ‘litsters’ and literary people in general are shy/introverted/socially anxious to some degree but you generally come across as self-confident and extroverted. In which social situations do you feel most at ease, and least at ease?
When I have a bro or bros with me with whom I am very comfortable, who’s fun to be around, I find it easier to “be myself” and be extroverted. I also feel at ease when I’m around a girl who likes me who I like and she is being affectionate or somehow indicating that she likes me.
What was high school like for you?
I went to an all-boys Catholic high school. People didn’t put much effort into personal appearance, with some exceptions. It was good academically, a bit frustrating socially, as I tried and failed to break into several existing cliques that had formed before high school.
As the editor of Pop Serial you’ve done an incredible job of harnessing the immense talent of your friends and bringing them together to create an exciting and thought-provoking collection of literature. What do you think are the most crucial virtues for someone to have when facilitating such a project?
I have some idea of what I would like a magazine to be like—-names I’ve heard of or would now be interested in, with active internet presences, producing interesting work—-and I have tried to create that.
Ideally, what do you see Pop Serial’s impact having been in three years time?
In the future? I have no idea.
How often are you recognised in person, and if the answer is ‘more than once’, what’s the most interesting thing that’s happened related to that?
I have not been recognized in person due to my internet presence.
What do you read in the bathroom?
Things on the internet via my iPhone.
Wanna hang out next time I’m in the Midwest?
“Whatever is true is true whether you believe it or not. We have shitty finite human brains and we are trying to use them to understand an infinite transcendent reality. This shit is hopeless. If there’s a smartie deity, it understands. We’re not building rocket ships with legos. If there’s nothing out there to find, there’s still no point in stifling your curiosity. See it through bb.”—phiLOLZophy
“It might come down to whether you can just live without explanation. There’s a kind of insecurity in Kerouac writing On the Road because he was being nostalgic and nostalgia comes from not really being sure if you’re living your life the way you’re supposed to. ”—
Really going to have to think about this.
Nope. had clinical depression x2. This is one of the few upsides. Not saying its mostly like this saying its only a little bit like this.
Then that means you know what it’s like and it’s your responsibility to not perpetuate incorrect information and stereotypes. ‘You just need to go tanning’ reduces clinical depression to a simple emotion. As if it’s just like being tired so you go to sleep and when you wake up it’s fine. Which you should know is not the case at all.
The post was probably meant to display your experience on the matter which is perfectly okay but it doesn’t do that since you were writing in second person view towards a large audience. If a guy named Jim was reading ‘you feel this and that’ he would think that if he had depression, he would feel this and that.
It’s the generalization of something extremely complicated that is detrimental.
(Taken from phiLOLZophy)
What Your College Major Says About You
English. You’re not as smart as you think you are. Don’t get me wrong, English majors are intellectuals, but like technology majors the air of intelligence is more important than actually getting to the bottom of whatever they’re intellectually curious about or they’d major in the thing itself instead of the thing that talks about the thing.
Nursing. You own a house. You give people unsolicited medical advice. You always use a coaster.
Psychology. You’re rational. You’re probably an introvert and you’ll think something out before acting on it. People might think you’re slow or boring.
Criminal Justice. You were bullied in high school or you were a bully in high school.
International Relations. You had workaholic parents and barely any friends growing up so you watched a lot of West Wing instead. Power isn’t love, honey :(
Communications. You’re really popular and pretty and talkative. You claim to be really creative and ‘love to write’ yet gravitate toward a career in public relations or something that only requires ‘writing’ and ‘creativity’ insofar as you translate facts through a positivity filter and sprinkle in buzz words. You’re fun at parties, though.
Pre-Law. You have no friends but you don’t know this yet. What you have is a bunch of people you think are your friends that don’t respect how busy you are but in reality want nothing to do with someone so frigid and boring.
Geology. You have friends, but they are all rocks.
Robotics. You have three friends. They are also robotics majors. Your mom tells you girls will learn to appreciate your personality. You should just buy them stuff.
Business. The things that interest you aren’t the same things that interest me but tend to find you overall more interesting than the kind of people who are interested in the things I am interested in.
Mathematics. You are a chronic masturbator, probably.
Theater. You are gay friendly and inevitably have a bumper sticker to prove it.
Music. You are either a very musically talented guy who will end up hating yourself when the only full-time job at your disposal is teaching dumbass kids how to play the recorder, or you are a very pretty blonde girl who will work at a coffee shop while waiting to ‘make it’ until someone marries you at age 23.
Education. For some reason, none of my Facebook friends who are teachers can spell. I don’t know what that means, but there you have it.
Philosophy. Sorry, but even the adversary method isn’t bulletproof. You’re probably an asshole, you probably deserve to be because you are smart and existential, but generally speaking other non-philosophy people probably avoid you. For that reason and because you likely don’t smell that great.
Big Announcement! <3
Last night with our partner blog (and BFFs), The Tangential, we held a trivia night in Minneapolis to make irl friends and announce something crazy:
The Tangential: We’re excited to announce that we have a book coming out in January! Titled Future Cities, the book is a collection of short stories about THE FUTURE, including contributions by Tangential writers Becky Lang, Jay Gabler, Katie Sisneros, Heidi Schatz, Chris Vondracek, and Kelsey McDonough as well as stories by Sarah Heuer and Chrissy Stockton of PhiLOLZophy, Kat George of VICE and Portable.tv, Crispin Best (half of the duo behind Matt Romney), and John Jodzio. Click here for more information and to pre-order your copy!
Super exciting! You can buy it at like, Dunn Brothers so you know it’s real.