Why Zombies Should Not Invade the Philippines

5.16.2013

If zombies are going to take over the Philippines, it will be a really bad experience for all of us. Why? Because we are never prepared for a zombie outbreak.

I. There are so many homes in the country that are not properly built. Improvised walls and roofs, wooden walls and other substandard materials for our infrastructures. The zombies will have no problem breaking through our homes.

II. It is always traffic in the Philippines, let alone EDSA. Imagine, you won’t be able to run with your vehicles because a few meters from your home, you will already find yourself caught in the traffic.

III. And you can’t just walk or run. Snatchers, hold-uppers and corrupted politicians are everywhere. You will just get yourself robbed even before you die.

IV. We don’t have enough guns and bullets. The politicians and their private armies already hoarded all the weapons. We won’t be able to kill them, sad to say.

V. Many of the Filipinos are like zombies - call center agents, insomniacs and students being tortured at school. The zombies won’t be able to distinguish which is which, and it’s sad for them.

VI. Everyone does not have a zombie-literacy thing. Well, everyone’s not able to watch zombie films because they are all crazy over sir Chief and other pornos.

VII. There are so many people who are devastated by love. The zombies might catch some bitter or emo syndrome upon eating us. That’s so sad for them. Okay, the heck with what I am saying.