In Conclusion: I Really Fucking Hate Tourists, Even When I Am One

• Today, my partner, sister, and I decided to go to a (fairly) local petroglyph site, not realizing that there would be a "guide" and flock of other people there. I happen to be wearing an archaeology shirt, which may have been a mistake.
• Guide: So! Who can tell me why these aren't pictographs?
• Me: *Not turning to look at him* Pictographs are paintings. These are physically carved into the stone, by pecking, actually, rather than abrasion, which means they're petroglyphs.
• Guide: *Pause* ...Yes. Okay, and who knows how we date them? Like, directly to the year?
• Stupid Tourist: Carbon dating!
• Me: *Annoyed and still not turning around* No. Carbon dating is only for organic matter. It doesn't apply at all to this. And for god's sake, carbon dating has a standard deviation of 40 years, IF you have a good sample. No.
• Guide: Um...right. Um, how...else?
• Me: Well, Thorium dating is gaining popularity and has good success on the type of pottery sherds found here on the last excavation.
• Guide: .... .... ....Thor-um....no, what else?
• Me: Honestly, there is no way to effectively date petroglyphs, but there is experimental work being done with patina layers inside the glyphs, but it's not conclusive yet. Seriation and superimposition of the glyphs are only relative dating methods, so that's not it. Potassium/Argon dating doesn't work for this recent of a site, but we do have enough volcanic material for it.
• Guide: ...Um...it works in the Southwest specifically?
• Me: Oh! Dendrochornology. Developed down in Tuscon where the world's leading lab is still located. Yeah, that's to the year, but it only tells you when the tree was cut down and there aren't any wood-built structures here.
• Guide: Well, yes, but it works to the year. I'm sorry, you seem to be educated on the subject, can I ask why?
• Me: *Finally turning around, string down at my shirt, back to the guide, back to my shirt, and back to the guide again.*
• Guide: *Blank stare*
• Partner: This isn't going to end well... *Slinks off*
• Sister: *Snickering*
• Me: I'm an archaeologist. My undergrad work just happens to be in Polynesian petroglyphs. I'm just here out of personal interest.
• Every Fucking Idiot Tourist: OH! What does this one mean?!?!
• Me: I'm sorry, I thought I just explained. I'm a Polynesian archaeologist, I'd be happy to tell you about the Hawaiian glyphs, but I don't have any training in these designs or motifs.
• Next Fucking Idiot Tourist: What does THIS one mean?!
• Me: I don't know. I'm a Hawaiian archaeologist. I don't study Southwestern rock art.
• Next Fucking Idiot Tourist: What do THESE ONES mean?!
• Me: I. Don't. Know. I only study HAWAIIAN PETROGLYPHS. THEY. ARE. NOT. THE. SAME.
• Fucking Idiot Tourist: Hawai'i? Oh! I can help carry your heavy gear in the field if you need! I really like archaeology.
• Me: I have undergraduate minions for that. No.
• Sister: *Pathetically trying to stop laughing*
• Every Fucking Idiot Tourist: *Blank stare*
• Me: Seriously, I'm just here because I think it's cool. Stop asking me stupid questions and go away.
• Sister: Maybe we should go.
• Guide: The Mayans and the Native Indians both had a prophesy...
• Me: ...
• Sister: ...
• Me: I fucking hate everyone.
• Sister: If he mentions 2012 I am going to fucking kill everyone.
• Partner: We should *really* go now.