Feminism, Social Anxiety, and a Conservative Household

When I spoke out against the Islamaphobic Facebook status, it was the first time my mother could see my activism. Overall, it was the second time I have spoken out (on Facebook) against something ignorant and shameful. This has been a big step for me - and it’s only the beginning.

As many of you know, I struggle with Social Anxiety Disorder. It’s really difficult for me to publicly speak out - behind this blog, I’m fine, because none of you know me personally. But on Facebook and in person, I always hold back because I’m afraid of being judged by people I come in contact with frequently (one of those small town perks,y’all!) I’ve been taking care of my mental health, though - by taking natural supplements, forcing myself to get through a speech class, and working on my own with cognitive therapy - and I’m finally getting better.

So when I saw that post, I seized the opportunity to put my new found confidence to use. Unfortunately, my words were not welcome and I received quite the backlash. But I didn’t let that stop me, and I pushed forward with what I had to say.

I have never been prouder of myself, and no one can take that away from me. Not even my mother.

As I predicted, my mother was quite upset that I spoke to someone “that way.” (But honestly, what does “that way” even mean? Calmly? Firmly? Confidently?) She told me that I had “quite the wicked way of writing” and that my words were “not done in a loving way.” Basically, she said this:

“Kendra, you were very rude in those comments. You called an adult “hateful” and “ignorant.” Those are not nice things to say. Besides, you never would’ve said that to her face; you have Social Anxiety, remember? You hid behind a computer screen and called those people mean things. You need to be kind and loving to those you want to understand your point. I understand you wanted to stand up for your friends, but sometimes you just shouldn’t comment. Your Uncle Alan posts a lot of weird stuff I don’t like, but I usually choose to ignore them and just leave it be. Why can’t you do that?”

I tried explaining that those woman’s words were far more hateful than mine, but she wasn’t having any of it. Do you know what else she did? SHE DEFENDED THOSE PEOPLE’S COMMENTS TO ME. She never once told me that they were wrong to tell me and my friends that we’re going to Hell. And that hurt.

I know she wanted me to apologize for my “ugly behavior,” but I’m not going to - in fact, I shouldn’t have to.

I think the worst part is that she believes my newly discovered feminism is stupid. She rolls her eyes when I mention things in a casual conversation, she scoffs when I bring up a sexist/racist/prejudiced post or comment, and she tells me that it’s silly to worry about equality when “we already have it.”

I love my mother, I do. But she’s changed so much. She used to be so accepting and open minded towards the different things in this world - until she started hanging out with this woman from our church (different woman from the Facebook post). She’s been such a horrible influence on my mother and I hate it. I want my old Mom back.

She used to tell me that love was love, and that everyone deserved the right to marry the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with. Now she says “homosexuals shouldn’t marry” and that the Boy Scouts “are being ridiculous for allowing this.” She even said “Eww,” when a Time Magazine cover had a photo of two guys kissing.

She used to tell me that I could do whatever I wanted - that being a woman shouldn’t stop me from reaching my dreams. Now she tells me to “calm down on my feminist things.” She tells me to keep those opinions to myself and to stop overreacting.

But why should I? Why should I let statements like:

• “To hell with the gays - that shit ain’t right.”
• “Fucking Muslims. Why don’t we kill those damn terrorists?”
• “Girls cover up! Have respect for yourself!”
• “Abortions are for sluts - those pieces of shit murder their own babies.”

go without me saying something? I can’t do that - if I just let people say those things and not speak out against it, what does that say about me? What does that say about the society we live in?

You know what? I’m going to show my mother that she’s wrong about me. I’m going to show her that feminism isn’t something that’s “annoying” and “useless.” I’m going to show her I’m not letting my Social Anxiety hold me back - that it won’t keep me from speaking up. I’m going to show her that I’m going to make a difference in this world.

I refuse to let my mother hold me back.

A Few Words About The DL Fandom

Now I may not be much of a fan of Diabolik Lovers…

However, many of my online friends are, so I try to pay close attention to the fandom and such cause I love my friends.

Now let me tell you what Ive seen…

The DL fandom use to be much smaller, but the people in the fandom were proud of it and the little independence they had of it. However, some wanted it to draw more attention while others did not. The reasons why varies from person to person, so I wont bother going over the ones Ive noticed or that have been stated. As time went by the fandom grew a nice slow, but steady, pace.

Though when the anime was announced, I notice quite a pick up of fans and the fandom has grown to a decent size and will no doubt only grow bigger.

Thus with all these new people the fandom has slowly changed to fit the common personalities of it’s followers, which seem to be much more different then the veterans of the fandom who are mainly big otome fans.

The fandom has simply turned into the normal result of a fandom that has to do with a heroine surronded by multiple men. It contains stuff like hatred of the main heroine, sluttly and vulgar referances and rape jokes, and of course, yaoi.

Now let me tell you what I think.

I believe the fandom is now overrun by younger people, which explains the new pattern of the fandom that is even now shifting into something different.

People will continue to nag and bite other peoples heads off and try to pirate the game and its translations from people like Narihira or Ilinox and other such things. This of course will be a blow to Reject and in the end may backfire on the fandom and cause a loss of funding for more DL stuff.

A lot of the girls are in it for the smut and many of the old veterans are complaining about how they don’t even pay attention to the story, but let me point out that is the image I think Reject gives them so of course they’re naturally going to be like that or attract those kind of people to the fandom. I first thought it was just complete smut until I actually did a little research and found it to be much more then that and to actually have a decent story.

Now the anime. The anime could be terrible or really amazing even, but it wont matter cause either way people will most likely think it’s terrible unless Reject aims for the demands of certain fanservice that will most likely make people like me cringe.

People will hate Yui for no reason. Being the amazing bisexual I am, I even have a little crush on her. Though I don’t care if people hate on her. Cause defending will only make the situation worse. Knowing that I like her is good enough for me and should be for others as well.

We will see many pictures of Shuu and Reiji fukin the shit out of each other. Not sure what to think of that.

I wont even talk about the fanfics.

So basically what im saying is that things are gonna change. Most likely for the worse. There will be many annoying people that you will most likely block or wish to bash in the head with a hammer.

So what I have to sadly say is deal with it. Don’t pay attention to the bad side of the fandom. Moaning about it or complaining and bitching wont help at all.

In fact,

it will most likely make the situation worse.

So instead of moping around at how a good fandom is changing into what you don’t want, just stick with the people who view the fandom like you and focus on the things you like of it. Not of what you don’t or how it’s changing to what you dislike. Also don’t argue with others that don’t see it your way. Even if they are quite in the wrong with common moral values. Unless of course it’s something serious that may involve illegal action or risk of one’s life. But most likely it won’t often be the case, or at least I hope so.

Cause in the end,

its just a game and soon to-be anime.

That’s it.

Its not a life or death situation.

Chill people.

I can never fully understand how anyone can dedicate their time and effort into hating narusaku on a daily basis. Other pairing fans talk about how dedicated one was to the other and how they deserve the one they love bust completely disregard Narutos constant watch over Sakura and his multiple attempts to tell her how he feels. Isn’t supporting Narutos unresolved attempts at letting Sakura know how he feels an important aspect to the story? I guess I just can’t see how anyone can hate NaruSaku and think their ship is more canon or better maybe because NaruSaku is unresolved and I am waiting for their confrontation.