' The word 'paranoiac' is one which is short for the 'The Paranoiac Critical Method', Dalí's method of painting he once defined as, "... A spontaneous method of irrational knowledge based on the systematic objectification of associations and delirious interpretations...", a method praised by fellow surrealist Andre Breton as the movement as a whole played upon the expression of the subconscious and irrational via the conscious mind and in a rational concrete medium of painting. This concept is also one which is no stranger to Manson who has to have experimented with the occult, sleep deprivation and narcotics to achieve of freedom of the subconscious in the creation of art, where the rational inhibitions of the conscious have been subsided to release the inner depths of creativity.
My mom calls me paranoic...
Because i’m afraid to leave the aparment we live in alone. But i see it this way.
When my iPod was stolen, so was my purse. That had the keys AND the address of this apartment in it.
And i’m afraid that, knowing that during this time of the year people travels, the thiefs might break into our home.
She keeps telling me that nothing will happen, that i should calm down. That we are safe.
Well… it happens that i thought leaving my stuff in my dad’s SUV was safer than taking them with me to the mall full of people, because i always left them in my stepdad/cousin/uncle’s car before and nothing ever happened but still, they broke into it and stole them.
So, i’m sorry mom for being paranoic, but i just want to feel safe again.
I’m not the first, nor the last person that will go throught this. But is the first time that something like this happened to me and i’m afraid. I’m still a littlle kid in my heart. Since that day i’ve been sleeping with my TV on cause i just cant stand the silence. And i know its stupid, but i dont wanna walk through our doorway and find our home the same way dad and i found his SUV. Destroyed.
So, all i’m asking for is to feel safe again. Just that. Can i have at least that?