If hobbits shave their feet, are they in essence shaving 2 beards? Are beards bound to the face only? What determines a beard...
This is a very serious issue that I have done much research on, Pauline. Thanks to a grant from the Miskatonic University’s Department of Facial Garnish and viewers LIKE YOU, I’ve been able to determine through extensive experimentation and rigorous testing that not only our beards not confined to the facual region of the head, but in fact, our very definition of “beard” is, in fact, factually wrong.
As it turns out, the “beard” is not just massive patches of thick, rugged, twisting hairs, but it’s also a state of mind. Much like the old saying that people dont “make” art, good art actually finds an artist who can accurately convey it to the world, nobody “grows” a beard. Instead, a Good Beard finds a suitable body and manifests itself as gloriously twirling lip hairs! As stark and bold chest hairs! A swath of curly hairs for your nether regions and even, in only the most manliest of men among us, waves of flowing back hairs!
In the curious case of Hobbits, it turns out, feet hair also counts as a beard, so they would in fact be shaving 2 separate beards… in theory. For we all know, that “shaving” a beard is a sacrilege, akin to the biblical Samson losing his power once getting his hurr cut. To shave any beard of the body is an afront to the gods of Moustache and Muttonchops.
The most thorough achievement of beardhood, since you were wondering, Pauline… is found in the wild Wookiee of the planet Kashyyyk, who has managed through biological evolution to achieve the much vaunted Full Body Beard. Truly the Joshua Tree of Beards, that one.