One year ago today

I was running around frantic all day, filming with Hannah and Ivana for the documentary, and trying to get Jessica’s b-roll done before we had to shoot at her birthday party at a bar downtown.

I got ready for her party at home. The theme was, if I remember correctly, “rock ‘n’ roll, mermaids, and socialism”—so I wore a 50s/60s era dress with a quote from Barack Obama (2010’s chief socialist) on the back. It wasn’t very smart or funny, but I was mostly on director duties all night so I didn’t care. 

I met up with Hannah, Ivana, and a bunch of my friend’s at Stout Public House, and things started to get going. I interviewed a bunch of people and drank a lot. 

At some point, I don’t remember when, Kyla showed up with her friend “Chead”. I had heard of him before, mostly from another girl I knew who used to have a thing for him and called him “Cuddles”. I had never heard him called by his IRL name, Chris, and now I don’t even recall how he introduced himself to me.

Anyway, I know I was drunk by the time we started talking. I remember the main things we talked about,  though: fat fashion, politics of gender, and how he went to my school and knew some of my friends. And I thought that he was a pretty neat dude, but didn’t really think much of it. 

The next day, I received a facebook message from him. The subject line said “Dang, it was nice to meet you!” and he suggested we go out for lunch near campus sometime.

Something in my gut—and the fact that my then-boyfriend FORBADE ME to see him—told me I should hang out with this dude and maybe be his friend.

And then I fell in love with him.

If you had told me a year ago today when Chris shook my hand that he was the future love of my life, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. 

A year ago today, I had a very clear picture in my head of how my life was going to be. The thing is, my childhood was incredibly tumultuous and I had promised myself I would make my adult-life be as safe as possible. I would make every decision rationally, I would almost always go with my head over my heart, and I would more or less stick with what I knew, what was safe, what felt comfortable. 

Leaving my ex to be with Chris was hands-down the best decision I’ve ever made, but it was also the scariest. 

And today, a year later, I am sitting on the couch next to my best friend and ultimate confidante, the one I care about most in this world, the person who I hope to share the rest of my life with (and we might never get married but you KNOW imma have a huge ass party & wear the prettest dress and make people buy me cool things like a toaster that also makes Sausage Egg McMuffins). We are in our home that we share together, which is the most perfect home I’ve ever lived in. We have the best cat-baby in the world. And tonight I get to go to bed curled up between them. 

I am so incredibly lucky. My heart is full of love and my belly is full of cheese enchiladas & verde sauce.

Also, Chris just farted.

:3