Like a lovebird that dies when its mate is gone, and like a flower without sunlight withers and crumbles away, Soleil would eventually die. It would take some time, but in the end, she would stop eating, stop sleeping and succumb to the depression eventually ending herself, or letting someone else do it for her.
She was in the garden again. Odd. How had she gotten there? She remembered feeling so weak, so very tired and weary of life. She had not wanted to live anymore. She did not care it was a sin, that God would never forgive her for it as she had heard countless times from the priests. God was merciful. He would know of the constant pain in her heart. Surely, he would not blame her.
The poison had been an easy choice, taken in one last cup of tea before bed. She could not bear to live any more, not since John had been taken from her by a boy with a knife and wild ideas. Her children, strong and bold and bright, would be upset but somehow, she was certain they’d understand. Maybe they even knew. Her children were not fools, despite how hard she tried to pull the veil down over their eyes.
She moved through the garden. The air was warm and pleasant, the sky glowing. Her flowers bloomed bigger and brighter than ever before. She breathed in their comforting scent. Was this heaven? If so, where was he?…
She blinked once, and there he was, her husband. He was leaning against an orange tree, staring up into the sky. He looked flawless, handsome in his military uniform. His nose was just as large as she remembered it. She took trembling steps towards him. “John,” she breathed, terrified that maybe he would disappear the moment she got close.
John looked to her and his face broke into a smile - the one that never failed to make her melt into a puddle. “Sweetlin’” he replied, walking towards her. She could have cried upon hearing her pet name pass his lips again. How long had it been? Too long for certain.
She threw herself at him, pressing her cheek against his chest. She breathed in his soap and gunpowder scent and tightened her grip around him. He felt so warm, so solid, so alive against her frame. “Oh god John, mon amour…I…I.”
His arms coiled around her, holding her tight as his nose burrowed against her hair. “It’s alright sweetlin’ I’m here now.”
“It’s really you John.” She pulled back to cup his cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much, mon amour.” she replied, her fingers tracing over the lines upon his face.
His hands, rough from years of war, pressed against hers. “As I have missed you my love. It broke my heart tae watch ye suffer alone all this time and know that I who caused you such pain.” he replied, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips. “I will not leave you again, I swear it.”
The intensity of his words made her trembling legs give way and she crumpled into the grass, taking her husband down with her. “No you won’t. I won’t let you. And that assassin will have to go through me if he wishes to take you from me again,” she whispered, her own words equally intense.
Her husband pulled her onto his lap, tucking her under his chin and curling his arms around her in a way that made her feel safe. “Hush sweetlin’. He will not find us now. We’re both here now, taegether, just as we should.” John rocked her gently, stroking her hair in a comforting manner. She nuzzled against him as he whispered things in his native tongue - words of love and comfort. She pressed her ear against his chest, hearing his heart beat strong. She felt at peace for the first time in an age.
No more pain. No more loneliness. No more heartache. Just him, their eden and peace.
What are your feelings toward Yuki?
“My feelings towards… Yuki-kun?” The rice ball repeated, head bowing slightly as a cascade of chocolate locks tumbled over her shoulders.
What do I think of him…?
To most girls, this question was as simple as ever to answer - Yuki was a heart stealing prince. His regal status was well known throughout the high school, and females of all grades were known to swoon and awe over his very presence. And yet, had the brunette ever truly thought of him as a prince? Surely his good looks were something seemingly right out of a fairytale, and his mysterious, solemn demeanour were only things of which added to his royal-like character. But did that mean, he, to her, was a prince? Not exactly, her feelings differed far greatly from most peoples…
“I care about, Yuki-kun very much, Anon-san!” Tohru finally replied, peeking upwards beneath thick chocolate bangs, features peppered red as blood slowly pooled within her cheeks. “Since the very first day that we met, Yuki-kun has been nothing but kind to me - he is a very sweet person with a heart of gold! I enjoy spending time with him, and I would love to learn more about his past, so long as he would let me…”
“You see…” The brunette continued, ” Yuki-kun is very important to me… I want to make sure that he is always happy, that he always has a smile on his face because I never want him to be upset - not while I’m around, not ever!” The crimson red shade, already present upon her pallid features, intensified with every word spoken. Was she going to say it? Her true feelings towards the rat? The emotions that she had bottled up and kept within her for quite sometime now, in fear of being rejected? Well, it seemed as though it was now or never deal.
Drawing in a deep breath of air, the rice ball lowered her head once more, feeling the blistering heat lingering within her cheeks was enough to indicate what her face looked like to others. “This is probably selfish of me to even think about, but… I don’t ever want to lose, Yuki-kun - I want to stay by his side for as long as I can because… because he is my most special person…”
Okaa-san… What have I gotten myself into?