Life Hacks: Nuclear Weapons
Did you know you can make a nuclear fusion device at home?
All you need are a few household items, a little bit of patience, and a Class 1 Top Security clearance for the manufacture of biological, chemical or nuclear weapons under the Fermi laws of 1954 contingent to permission from the United Nations Security Council. Because we wouldn’t want to do anything illegal now would we ;)
You’re gonna need-
- A box of matches
- A blender
- Tape
- Some wire mesh (Like a window screen, for sifting)
- Cake mix (Yellow sponge cake works best)
- Ziplock bags
- String
- Ice cubes (The cold kind, not the rapper/actor)
- A toilet paper tube
- A Catholic Missal
- An empty kitty litter bucket
First, you’re gonna need two rare substances- Weapons grade uranium and “heavy” water. Luckily these are easy to make (unless you’re Iran lol). For the uranium, just take your yellow cake mix and sift it with the wire mesh. Whatever stays on top of the mesh- That’s weapons grade. For the heavy water, take some ice cubes, which are heavier than water but still made of water, and put them in the blender. By breaking up the ice cubes and releasing the water, you keep the weight but make it a fluid. This is a process that scientists call “Putrefaction”.
To build the weapon, pack some uranium into one end of the toilet paper tube and then cover that end with the Catholic Missal. This guarantees what we call a “Critical Mass” of uranium. Then take a smaller wad of uranium and pack it into the other end of the tube, leaving plenty of space between the two.
Tape the box of matches to that end of the tube. It will act as an explosive device to send the “bullet” of uranium into the critical mass, thus resulting in a nuclear fission explosion.
You now have a nuclear fission device! Like the bomb that destroyed Hiroshima, this device has a yield equal to about 10 thousand tons of T.N.T! But fission is for wimps, right? So let’s turn that fission bomb, into a fusion bomb!
Tape your string to the matches to act as a fuse, and then put the nuclear warhead in a ziplock bag. Be sure to seal it tight!!! Now place that assembly into the kitty litter bucket. Make sure it’s empty of kitty litter before the next step.
Fill the rest of the bucket with the heavy water you made in step one, and seal the top of the kitty litter bucket with the string still poking out. Once the fuse is lit, it will light the matches and detonate the nuclear fission bomb. This acts as a heat source to boil the heavy water, and when heavy water boils- Nuclear Fusion!
Congratulations, your bomb is now complete. Remember that it’s illegal to carry or detonate a nuclear fusion warhead in public (except in Texas, it’s fine there), and bear in mind this will be quite a bit stronger than your usual firecrackers. We recommend only setting off your nuclear device on official U.S. testing grounds, such as the desserts of New Mexico or islands in the Pacific only populated by tribes under no country’s protection.
So play safe and have a good time,
“Actually, the question of the Iranian threat is quite interesting. It’s discussed as if that’s the major issue of the current era. And not just in the United States, Britain too. This is “the year of Iran,” Iran is the major threat, the major policy issue. It does raise the question: What’s the Iranian threat? That’s never seriously discussed, but there is an authoritative answer, which isn’t reported. The authoritative answer was given by the Pentagon and intelligence in April 2010; they have an annual submission to Congress on the global security system, and of course discussed Iran. They made it very clear that the threat is not military. They said Iran has very low military spending even by the standards of the region; their strategic doctrine is completely defensive, it’s designed to deter an invasion long enough to allow diplomacy to begin to operate; they have very little capacity to deploy force abroad. They say if Iran were developing nuclear capability, which is not the same as weapons, it would be part of the deterrent strategy,which is what most strategic analysts take for granted, so there’s no military threat. Nevertheless, they say it’s the most significant threat in the world. What is it? Well, that’s interesting. They’re trying to extend their influence in neighboring countries; that’s what’s called destabilizing. So if we invade their neighbors and occupy them, that’s stabilizing. Which is a standard assumption. It basically says, “Look, we own the world.” And if anybody doesn’t follow orders, they’re aggressive. ”
—Noam Chomsky, an excerpt from Nuclear War and Environmental Catastrophe, which will be released 30, April 2013.
DEVELOPING: North Korea nuclear test suspected
North Korea is suspected of its third nuclear test after a seismic event was detected near the site of the regime’s previous tests. A UN Security Council diplomat has anonymously told Reuters that the event was in fact a test.
Read more about the event from CNN.
Follow updates on BreakingNews.com.
