“I never tried to be anything other than a dreamer. I never paid any attention to people who told me to go out and live. I belonged always to whatever was far from me and to whatever I could never be. Anything that was not mine, however base, always seemed to be full of poetry. The only thing I ever loved was pure nothingness.”

—Fernando Pessoa

“I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn't have a god, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn't make for an interesting person. I didn't want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone.”

—Charles Bukowski

I want to turn off my phone and all the clocks in my house and cuddle with someone all day.

No time, no worry, no distractions.

Dwarf in a Flask

I have lived ten thousand years
A hundred different lives
People have flashed before me in an instant
I cannot die
I am…eternal
I know the suffering of the world
And I wished…
With all I had…
To return to nothing
But there is no such thing as an absolute and final ending
FOr it is always followed by a new beginning.
The future is yours to shape as you wish
Crafted with hope
On a foundation of peace.
But for me…my life…
of one thousand…
What do I want?
I think I’d be happy leaving this little flask
I’m trapped.
Eternally watching from the outside as people lived and died.
Alone, because I could never stay in once place for too long.
Yet even still,
I was trapped.
Stuck behind a ssheet of glass.
Living through all these endless years,
I’ve always felt I’ve been struck with a curse.
But then I found you.
I suddenly felt blessed.
Grateful for the life I had.
I was free. Finally free.
I’ve had a fufilling life.
Thanks to you.
It’s been enough.
Thank you.
But now, believe it or not,
I actually want to keep on living.
I guess I’m pretty hopeless.
Aren’t I?
Perhaps this glass is where I’ll stay.

“Emptiness which is conceptually liable to be mistaken for sheer nothingness is in fact the reservoir of infinite possibilities. ”

— D.T. Suzuki

“Nothingness lies coiled in the heart of being - like a worm.”

 Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness

“I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. It didn't make for an interesting person. I didn't want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone”

—Charles Bukowski, Women

“The anxiety engendered by confronting the abyss of nothingness [of the loss of self] is more terrifying than the tortures of hell. In the vision of hell, I am punished and tortured--In the vision of nothingness I am driven to the border of madness--because I cannot say 'I' any more. ”

—Erich Fromm

“I think about this sometimes: about how messed up we all really are on the inside. How we put on this “day face” and try to just live life and be okay, but underneath all that we have all these layers of neuroses and disappointments and unresolved issues that stay dormant until they’re triggered. Not overtly, most of the time — we wouldn’t be able to function if it were overt all the time — but under. Underneath us, inside of us. Things that happened to us that changed us. Heartbreak and trauma woven into the texture of our skins. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger but it also makes us fucking tired. …Of course, someone somewhere always has it worse. And I’m not going to say everyone deserves some sort of medal for getting out of bed in the morning. But damn it, when you think about all this weight that piles up on us, and all our different coping strategies (some adaptive, some not so much), and the scars we accumulate throughout our lives (everyone has them) that make us all the interesting damaged messes that we are; the way we individually experience loss and heartbreak and nothingness and push through it, we’re doing a pretty good job as humans. We do things. We go to work. We go to school. We do the laundry. We breathe. We function. We grieve and we pick ourselves up and adapt and keep going. We keep moving, because there’s not a whole lot else to do.”

—What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Something (Mila Jaroniec)

“Most of the time I do nothing, and the fact of time passing so relentlessly is a source of anguish to me. There are not enough hours in the day. Yet I waste most of my time, in daydreaming, in drawing faces on pieces of paper.”

—Joyce Carol Oates
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