I started to think about how meaningless The Oscars are and how people who usually don’t give a shit seemingly start to give a shit. It’s like, why are you giving a shit over The Oscars? Why? I didn’t watch it even though I totally want James Franco to do crazy things re: his mouth, my mouth.
Then I started to think if I was up for an Oscar, like Best At Not Killing Myself or Best New Lady At Utilizing Jojoba Oil, then yeah, I guess I would give a shit, and then that’s when I realized that caring about the Oscars is probably the same as being a pro-lifer for abortion: you’re against it until you’re up for one.