Eleanor Roosevelt
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right — for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.”
“A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.”
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
“If the use of leisure time is confined to looking at TV for a few extra hours every day, we will deteriorate as a people.”
Confidence is empowering. In life, we are constantly at battle, but the myriad of pitfalls and comebacks eventually teach us to choose our battles wisely. I am not as pure as I once was, becoming rough around the edges, but I know who I am. A good soul. I trust myself, and having the confidence to rely on my own discretion is truly empowering.
You're have said that you're not very girly and that you don't wear make up, have you ever been bullied because of that? cause i'm like that and people call me names and that sucks
I don’t think I was specifically bullied for not wearing make-up, as it was more of just an overall “you look and talk and act weird” sort of bullying, but I do know how you feel. It sucks when people feel like they have any say over what you wear or how you carry yourself. As hard as it might be, try not to let it get to you. Be strong.
So I go to the the gym pretty regularly...
3 times a week usually unless I’m feeling lazy.
And everyday I’m there I see the same guy, and he’s older, but friendly. We always nod or say hello to one another. He started it. I’m generally anti-social, but I figure maybe he always speaks to people he sees at the gym regularly. I mean it’s not my style. I ignore the person who gets dressed in the same area as I do in the locker room. I see her all the time. I’ve seen her boobs for christ’s sake, but I don’t talk to her.
(Side note: That’s really weird isn’t it? I mean there’s this person that I see naked pretty much all the time. She sees me naked, too. But I don’t even know her name, and she doesn’t know mine. It’s this weird almost intimacy, but not really. I don’t know. It just suddenly struck me as odd.)
But anyway, back to the middle aged man. So we see each other all the time and he speaks. Today when I was on a weight machine, he waved and I nodded, and he came over. I was confused cuz this is definitely new. He decided to attempt a conversation. I was annoyed to remove my earbuds and to have to stop in the middle of a set.
He then whips out some pamphlet on some weight loss drink he sells, and I pretend to be nice about it and I say “No, I’m okay.” He goes on his merry way I am seething with anger during the rest of my workout.
Cuz now I am wondering. Does he nod and wave to everyone else, or is it just the fat girl? This nod/wave thing has been happening for months now, has he been examining me? Looking to see if I’m having success at what he has perceived my goals to be? Surely the fat girl at the gym is trying to lose weight, right?
I wanted to tell him, no that’s not what I’m here for. My doctor is concerned about my HDL not being high enough and she said cardio would raise it. I am there to burn some energy since I quit a pretty active job in retail a year ago to take a sedentary position as a receptionist. I want to be stronger, not thinner. I love my body and and fine with my weight. Not all fat people want to change!
And then I wonder if everyone else at the gym sees me as a failure. I’ve been going there for nearly a year. Do they all think I am not achieving the goals they think I have?
I don’t know.
This sucks, though. I am usually confident and happy, but one little thing can trigger me into this spiral of…I don’t know what to call it. But I felt crappy.
The sad thing is that I know that the majority of the people at the gym are not even thinking about me. They have other things on their minds.
I don’t know. I’ll feel better tomorrow.
On Retail and All Of it's Unforeseen Dangers:
I work as a keyholder at GameStop. I’ve been at this job for just under 2 years. In that time I have had all sorts of stupid comments about how girls don’t play games, or shocked comments from people who can’t comprehend a reasonably attractive girl working behind the counter at GameStop. I’ve had people hang up the phone and call back when I answer because they were sure they had the wrong number, and I’ve put countless jerks on never ending hold for asking for “one of the guys” because there was no way that I could possibly know the answer to their question. I brush these comments off with all manner of snippy comments and angry glares, but today i had a customer actually make me feel badly about myself, and i don’t think that is okay.
A man and his two sons walk in to my store, I am the only employee behind the counter, one of my co workers is putting aay games on the floor and the other is on break
Me: Hi sir! Is there anything i can help you find today?
Customer: Hold on a seccond! Let me get over my shock, an attractive little girl is behind the counter at GameStop? When did they start hiring girls?
Me, Trying to laugh off his comment and continue on: Well i’ve been here for awhile now. Is there anything i can help you with?
Customer: What do you not have a life? You’re never gonna find a husband working here young lady, you have no life do you? What the hell are you doing here?
Me: i…i’m working sir? I work here
Customer: Do yourself a favor girly, get a life and stop messing with boys jobs
Me: I’ve been playing video games since I was little, and I’m doing just fine with this job. Let us know if you need any help looking for something.
And with that I turned to the back counter, and ignored the rest of his ramblings and mutterings. But I was shaken. It’s not right that this customer felt entitled to insulting me and telling me what i should do, and I know that. I know that he was out of line and logically i know that I did nothing wrong and I did nothing to provoke him. But still, i was shaken. I was shaken and i felt badly for at least an hour afterwards. Now i’m pissed, but at the time i was very much caught of guard.
It’s times like this where I truly wish that I wasn’t a quiet person by nature, I wish that i lacked tact and could act on gut instincts. I should have hollered and took him down a peg from his self entitled narrow world view, but I didn’t. I was quiet as a church mouse and let this person make me feel inferior, and for that most of all, I am ashamed.
