Ninety Two
I find it harder to be open/myself with my family than with my friends and acquaintances. The fact that I’m okay with that is what really bothers me.
My family has always been full of secrets and lies, but now everyone wants to be all open and close with each other. I seem to be the only one having a hard time adjusting to the switch. I’m used to censoring myself and acting differently around them because I’m scared that they’ll hate the person I am with everyone else. I know I’m not very strong minded and their opinions matter a lot to me—and from
what I’ve seen they don’t like my real personality very much. However, I happen to like myself when I’m at university, and I don’t want to change. I don’t want to find out that the people who I care about the most don’t like the things I enjoy being/doing. So I hide the traits they might pick on or dislike, ensuring that I’ll be able to keep the personality I cultivated without completely ostracizing my family by letting too much of it come through.
Ninety Three
I’ve taken on a ‘typical’ college student facade and have been making decisions that I normally wouldn’t have before last year. After everything I’ve been through in the past year, I just don’t care about the consequences too much anymore. I’ve started drinking, which is an excuse for me to act dumb, girly and provocative. I also had my first kiss: a drunken New Years Eve hookup with a guy whose face I can’t remember, but who has been persistently stalking me since. It baffles me that I’m not at all sad about wasting the 20 years I put into waiting for the right guy. Sometimes I don’t even recognize myself anymore.
fun fact 92
when it says “blank deviants added blank to their collections!” i always click it because i like looking at the titles that some people have for collections that they put my stuff in.
like, most of the time, it’s just simple ones like “homestuck” or “mspa” but other times, the titles give me a warm fuzzy feeling. like eyestuck 3 was just added to collections called ‘drawing tuts” and “inspired”. and some of them just make me laugh.
so yeah.
