Time and time again you start questioning order, you start reasoning positions, and you realise that deep wounds dont heal without a scar. The art of negotiation is said to play a big role in diplomacy but you soon realise that no measure of negotiation can result in a clean slate. Someone once said “you cannot reason someone out of a position, they didnt reason themselves into.” Breaking down and exploring the statement makes you realise that logic cannot be combined with feelings. An emotional reaction will always differ to a practical one and perhaps rightly so. Losing your identity in the midst of conforming to societal pressure is for the weak. We need to recitfy the boundaries that surround us, we need to have the strength to question norms, and we need to shed the expectations we have from people.
Progress is impossible without change and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” – Bernard Shaw
Summary“Heteroglossia and Language Ideologies in Children’s Peer Play Interactions” – Amy Kyratzis, Jennifer F. Reynolds and Ann-Carita Evaldsson
Heteroglossic (verbal) practices
= “(…) drawing upon a diverse repertoire of linguistic and discursive forms in their everyday cultural practices.” (AKJRAE, p.457)
or else: “(…) use and differentiation of multiple codes and registers in the creation and negotiation of social distinctions.” (Ibid.)
Central issue: “(…) how children render commentary on language practices and social categories, and through their heteroglossic practices including code-switching and other voicing contracts, draw associations among codes and registers on the one hand, and, places, roles, and social content on the other, in their peer play interactions.” (AKJRAE, p.462)
> “The perspective of heteroglossia allows the analyst to focus on alternations of officially authorized codes and languages, without neglecting ‘the diversity of socially indexical linguistic features within codes’ (Bailey: 268).” (AKJRAE, p.457)
“(…) children reproduce and transform ideologies about the relationship and meaning of codes and registers, and ‘problematize the boundaries through straddling linguistic and social worlds in their language and identity practices’ (Bailey: 259).” (Ibid.)
> (Schieffelin) “(…) through [their] fantasy play, children draw on and reproduce more broadly held ideologies about the relationship and meanings of the two languages, including ideas about the people who use them and the appropriate social places for their use.” (AKJRAE, p.459)
» “According to theories of language socialization ‘children and other novices in society acquire tacit knowledge of principles of social order and systems of belief (…) through exposure to and participation in language-mediated interactions’ (Ochs: 2).” (AKJRAE, p.458)
> Social construction/negotiation of meaning:
“It is the members of a community who form the associations between social categories, language codes, and social value.” (Ibid.)
<> “In contrast to adult-based models of socialization, these articles see children as engaging in processes of ‘interpretive reproduction’ (…), whereby they appropriate resources from the adult culture and ‘take a variety of stances toward cultural resources – acceding to, eagerly reaching out for, playfully transforming, actively resisting’ (…) them.” (Ibid.)
» “In negotiating inclusion and hierarchy within the peer group, children draw and comment on social relations in the adult world (…) and articulate moralities and identities of their own (…). As they act to ‘construct and reconstruct their social organization on an ongoing basis’ (…), they appropriate adult registers, performance genres, and language varieties, and re-organize them in ways that render their own commentary on social relationships in the adult world (…).” (Ibid.)
Creating Win-Win and Enterprise Architecture
We are all familiar with conflict management and day-to-day negotiations in our everyday leadership role in our organizations, and the key to successful negotiation is creating win-win situations.
In the national bestseller, Getting to Yes, by Fisher and Ury, the authors call out the importance of everyday negotiation and proposes a new type of negotiation called “principled negotiation”.
“Everyone negotiates something every day…negotiation is a basic means of getting what you want from others. It is a back-and-forth communciation designed to reach an agreement when you and the other side have some interests that are shared and others that are opposed. More and more occasions require negotiation. Conflict is a growth industry…whether in business, government, or the family, people reach most decisions through negotiation.”
There are two standard ways to negotiate that involve trading off between getting what you want and getting along with people:
Soft—“the soft negotiator wants to avoid personal conflict and so makes concessions readily in order to reach agreement. He wants an amicable resolution yet he often ends up exploited and feeling bitter.”
Hard—“the hard negotiator sees any situation as a contest of wills in which the side that takes more extreme positions and holds out londer fares better. He want to win yet he often ends up producing an equally hard response which exhausts him and his resources and harms his relationship with the other side.”
The third way to negotiate, developed by the Harvard Negotiation Project, is Principled Negotiation.
Principled Negotiation—“neither hard nor soft, but rather both hard and soft…decide issues on their merits rather than through a haggling process…you look for mutual gains wherever possible, and that where your interests conflict, you should insist that the results be based on some fair standards independent of the will of either side.”
In principled negotiation, the method is based on the following:
- People—participants are not friends and not adversaries, but rather problem solvers
- Goal—the goal is not agreement or victory, but rather a “wise outcome reached efficiently and amicably”
- Stance—your stance is “soft on the people, hard on the problem”
- Pressure—you don’t yield or apply pressure, but rather “reason and be open to reasons”
- Position—you don’t change your position easily or dig in, but rather you “focus on interests, not positions”
- Solution—the optimal solution is win-win; you develop “options for mutual gain”
In User-centric EA, there are many situations that involve negotiation, and using principled negotiation to develop win-win solutions for the participants is critical for developing wise solutions and sustaining important personal relationships.
- Building and maintaining the EA—first of all, just getting people to participate in the process of sharing information to build and maintain an EA involves negotiation. In fact, the most frequent question from those asked to participate is “what’s in it for me?” So enterprise architects must negotiate with stakeholders to share information and participate and take ownership in the EA initiative.
- Sound IT governance—second, IT governance, involves negotiating with program sponsors on business and technical alignment and compliance issues. Program sponsors and project managers may perceive enterprise architects as gatekeepers and your review board and submission forms or checklists as a hindrance or obstacle rather than as a true value-add, so negotiation is critical with these program/project managers to enlist their support and participation in the review, recommendation, and decision process and follow-up on relevant findings and recommendations from the governance board.
- Robust IT planning—third, developing an IT plan involves negotiation with business and technical partners to develop vision, mission, goals, objectives, initiatives, milestones, and measures. Everyone has a stake in the plan and negotiating the plan elements and building consensus is a delicate process.
Ps-Eelv: The Negotiation Is “In Progress”, According To Holland ! http://newish.info/204596-ps-eelv-the-negotiation-is-in-progress-according-to-holland
Words with Friends
Mediator: Mr. [Jones] told me that he wants $100,000 or he won’t settle.
Me: $100k? He hasn’t even filed a lawsuit and he wants $100k?
Mediator: I agree that it’s kinda high, but that’s what his settlement offer is.
Me and my client: …
Me: Can you give me and my client a moment to discuss the merits of that offer?
Mediator: Sure. (leaves room)
Me: Ok, there’s nothing to discuss — he’s out of his mind.
Client: (laughing) My thoughts exactly. So what do we do now?
Me: We “consider” the offer.
Client: Oh, gotcha. (pulls out Words with Friends)
Any tips on negotiating salary and benefits when being offered a new job?
It’s a good idea to do some research on sites like Glassdoor.com to get an idea of what someone in your position typically receives. As with any negotiation, the more info you have, the better.
Beyond that, you really should just be honest about what you would expect to make in exchange for what you can offer the company. If you give off the impression that you’re trying to get more than what is typically offered for the role, you’re probably not going to get a call back. However, the same holds true for the flip side of that equation if the company is trying to take advantage of you. Remember, an interview is a two-sided meeting. They’re interviewing you, but you’re also interviewing them.
If you really want to work for a company but they just aren’t offering what you think you’re worth, ask if they would be willing to re-evaluate your compensation in 6 months if you meet specific hurdles. That way, you’re somewhat in control of your own destiny.
Give, Give, Give
How many of us have ever done something we shouldn’t have to get what we want. Even as young children we negotiate cleverly with our parents on many different levels… ‘Mum, can I have that toy? Please, please!’ The answer is inevitably no, so you engage the master plan – the tactics you have been fine tuning since birth! You start to misbehave, lose desire to do homework or simply sulk. You know that persistence is the key; you just need to wait that little bit longer until mum caves in… ”Dad and I have been talking and we have decided you can have that toy, as long as you…” Result.
As we get older, we get wiser. Instead of simply being awkward until we get our way, we develop more clever manipulation skills that are usually (hopefully) harmless, but aim to get the same results. Take, for example, getting your house valued… After paying the mortgage for a number of years, you decide that it would be nice to find out the market value of your property, ultimately hoping to learn you have acquired a tidy sum of equity. You have no intention of selling but want a valuation and like many others, have no qualms about calling an estate agent for this service. You know it’s completely wasting their time, but that doesn’t stop you calling and arranging a visit under the pretence of selling up and moving on. The estate agent arrives, he questions and probes a bit and then tells you the magic number. You’re happy - you’ve got what you wanted, job done! Though not everyone is benefiting from this situation… The estate agent calls you the next day to go through his plans to market your property. You promptly come up with excuses - you’re ‘undecided’ or ‘weighing up the options’, eventually putting him off with a feeble yet plausible reason that he can’t argue with. You don’t feel great about it, but you’ve got what you wanted.
Your sales career is no different and you have to relate to both of the above examples. By nature we can all be quite manipulative to get what we want, so be prepared to be on the receiving end of this at all times. If you are expecting it, you can use it to your advantage. Some people will ask for things that they have no intention of ever going ahead with - people will ‘play along’ for all sorts of reasons. Others will want to suck you dry of knowledge; you are selling to them - you have something they want and if they can benefit from your expertise, they will. Often extracting all they can without wanting to give anything in return. Too many sales people are too tolerant of this approach and continue to give, give, give believing all their hard work will eventually result in a sale. It certainly will on some occasions but beware, it will lead to a lot of wasted time and effort on all the other occasions.
It’s fine to give, but only as long as you are getting something back in return. It could be as simple as an email address or as demanding as meeting with the decision maker. If you have this lodged very firmly in your mind from the start, you will ask harder questions ensuring you get something in return before you provide what they want. Surely if they are serious, your requests won’t appear unreasonable. Ask! It’s your job to qualify these people out.