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Grief and moving on after a break-up.
Anonymous asked calmingmanatee:
dear manatee, i am having a very hard time dealing with a breakup. everyone i know is insisting that i need to just give up and move on as soon as possible, but i don’t feel like i’m ready to. i feel like i still want to fight to try to fix this. but at the same time i feel like that’s a very silly thing to put all of my hope in. i think that while i’m still stuck here sad and lonely, he has already moved on, and i don’t know where to go. it’s pathetic, but i don’t know what to do. can you help?
Hello sweetheart. You look especially lovely today.
You are not pathetic, and what you are doing is not pathetic either. You are a whole person, who has feelings and cares about something that was important to you. It hurts because it mattered. That is not even a little bit pathetic. Please do not ever feel like you are lesser for caring.
A relationship breaking down is very sad, and it is understandable that you feel hurt. I think it would be good for you to take some time to grieve. Give yourself a few days, or a week, just to let yourself be really, really sad. Cry anytime you remotely feel like it, listen to sad music, and start an elaborate diary full of fantasies where you rescue him or where you are swept off your feet by a dashing scientist and he is full of envy - whatever you need to do.
But once that time is up, that is it. You need to start moving on. That doesn’t mean you are not allowed to be sad anymore, it means that when you start getting sad, you pick yourself up and say “Not today.” Distract yourself by looking at baby penguins, reading a book, or calling a friend. Whatever you need to do.
I don’t think you need to move on as soon as possible, but I do think you need to try not to invest your hopes in someone who had made their decision to not be with you. You are smart and witty and wonderful. You deserve to be with someone who wants you and wants to be with you. This person isn’t the right person for you, and fighting for them won’t help. You cannot fight a battle when the other person has already taken their fancy pants and gone home.
It is okay to be sad. But it will get to be less sad one day. Feel what you are feeling, then work on moving on. You are going to be just fine.
And please don’t feel so alone. I love you, and your friends love you. You are wonderful, and you are so loved. One person doesn’t change that.