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  • me: drawing kankri
  • mom: are you drawing teenager satan again

*strums guitar* juuuuust becaaauuuuse i’m friends with a maaaaale *strums guitar quickly* DOESN’T MEAN I LIKE HIM ROMANTICALLY *BREAKS STRING*

  • mom: can i see what youre writing
  • me:
  • me:
  • me:
  • me: *switches tabs shuts down computer throws computer out the window*
  • me: no

guys my mom is like

“that cam and maya couple is just them trying to distract you from the fact that eli and clare are going to be separated next year and then since cam’s a year older they’re going to do it again” 

I should really make a list of all of the subtlety insulting things my mother says regarding my asexuality. 

The past two days I have gotten:

  • “Are you sure you weren’t molested when you were younger?” 
  • “Was I a bad mother?” 

Almost as good as the, “No woman will want to marry you if you don’t have sex!” I received last visit.

My mother: Gives no fucks I like women, is personally offended I don’t want to have sex.

Yeah. 

Is it time to go back to Maine yet? 

  • mom: wow that guy's gayer than christmas
  • me: mom he's having sex with a woman
  • mom: i don't care he's flaming on a scale of flaming there's no way he's not fucking his brother

OKAY SO THE OTHER NIGHT I COULDN’T REMEMBER IF PHOENIXES WERE REAL ANIMALS AND I HAD TO ASK A FRIEND AND I JUST TOLD MY MOM AND SHE IS CRYING 

omfg my mom was like “wow patrick got so skinny. he’s all bones. literally. they all are.”

Mom I can’t go to school tomorrow Im defending pop punk

“why are you crying over it? It’s only a cartoon!”

“It’s not a human character, you shouldn’t cry about it.”  

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ha ha, ok

so my mom just sent me an email asking if I can photoshop one of her pictures for her

because, get this

she wants to “make” a meme

…

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mom, I love you, but

I’m afraid you don’t really have quite as good of a grasp on internet culture as you think you do

My mom continues to call me every 5 minutes saying the same thing

okay mom.

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A dinner conversation with my mom

  • Me: I want to name my kid Matthew. And his name would be Matthew Smith!
  • My mom: Son of Arthur?
  • Me: ...
  • My mom: ...
  • Me: ...
  • My mom: ...
  • Me: No. I was using that as a common last name.
  • My mom: Oh right. His last name is Jones.

Blog-Travel Update

So I’m still stuck in Naples with my family, and will be heading home Saturday. I should be back to my regular blogging schedule by Sunday, and all of my product reviews are scheduled for next week.

 

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Mom: “honey what is a ‘harajuku’ and why are you blogging about it”

Bomb: “mom stop smothering my kawaii”

Every day

“You still into Japanese cartoons?”

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