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  <title>MJN Air</title>
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      <img src="images/animated_plane.gif" />
      <! I found this with google! Best airplane ever! (After GERT-I.) -->

      &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <!-- No idea what nbsp means. But it makes space. -->
      <img src="images/logo.png" align=center/>
      <!-- I made the logo all by myself! There's this awesome tutorial how to make funny fonts with PowerPoint! -->

      &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&amp;nbsp
      <img src="images/animated_plane.gif" />
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      <b><marquee><font color="green">Book your own flight today! Call Fitton-23415 or use the web form below!</font></marquee></b>
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    <td><font color="white">Ourselves are very happy to welcome yourselves on this 
<font color=red size=6>b</font><font color=orange size=6>r</font><font color=yellow size=6>i</font><font color=lightgreen size=6>l</font><font color=cyan size=6>l</font><font color=navy size=6>i</font><font color=magenta size=6>a</font>
<font color=red size=6>n</font><font color=orange size=6>t</font>
webpage! We have one <i><font size="5" color="orange">most excellent</font></i> aircraft on which ourselves would like to conduct yourselves at some point in the upcoming future! Our aircraft has <u>16 passenger seats</u>, though if the passengers move together a little, we can even <u>fit in 24 people.</u></font></td>
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<img src="images/atwork.gif">

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      <img src="images/gerti.png" width="400px"><br/>
      <font color="yellow">This is our aircraft!<br/> (It's a bit blurry, sorry. It was very stormy when I took the picture.)</font>
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    <td>
      <img src="images/gerti_inside.png" width="200px"><br/>
      <font color="yellow">This is the inside, after I hoovered it.</font>
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    <td>
      <img src="images/crew.jpg" width="300px"><br/>
      <font color="yellow">And this is the crew. I'm the one on the left.</font>
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    <td><font color="red"><b><blink>NEW! NEW! NEW! </blink><b> Use our online form to book a flight!</font></td>
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      <!-- I really don't get how this database stuff works. But I copied this from somewhere. -->
      <form>
        Name: <input type="text"/><br />
        Date: <input type="text" value="today()"/><br/>
        Starting point:
        <select>
          <option>Abu Dhabi</option>
          <option>Boston</option>
          <option>Cremona</option>
          <option>Edingburgh</option>
          <option>Fitton</option>
          <option>Gdansk</option>
          <option>Helsinki</option>
          <option>Ipswich</option>
          <option>Johannesburg</option>
          <option>Kuala Lumpur</option>
          <option>Limerick</option>
          <option>Molokai</option>
          <option>Newcastle</option>
          <option>Ottery St Mary</option>
          <option>Paris</option>
          <option>Qikiqtarjuaq</option>
          <option>Rotterdam</option>
          <option>St Petersburg</option>
        </select>
        <br/>
        Destination:
        <select>
          <option>Abu Dhabi</option>
          <option>Boston</option>
          <option>Cremona</option>
          <option>Edingburgh</option>
          <option>Fitton</option>
          <option>Gdansk</option>
          <option>Helsinki</option>
          <option>Ipswich</option>
          <option>Johannesburg</option>
          <option>Kuala Lumpur</option>
          <option>Limerick</option>
          <option>Molokai</option>
          <option>Newcastle</option>
          <option>Ottery St Mary</option>
          <option>Paris</option>
          <option>Qikiqtarjuaq</option>
          <option>Rotterdam</option>
          <option>St Petersburg</option>
        </select>
        <br/>
        <input type="submit" value="Submit" />
        <font color="red" face="monospace">
        You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds to your MySQL server version for the right syntax to use near '-20, 20' at line 1
        </font>
      </form> 
      <img src="images/animated_plane2.gif" />
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Web Design by Arthur Shappey

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MJN Air in Real Life

My mom just forwarded me an email about a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously, called Kulula Airlines. They’re based in Johannesburg (which you may remember from Season 2, Episode 4). Below are some examples of their customer relations, as well as pictures of their planes.

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On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

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On another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

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On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

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“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

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“Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

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As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”

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After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, you can be sure as hell everything has shifted.”

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From a Kulula employee: “Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

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“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”

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“Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”

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“Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

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“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

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And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

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Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landingin Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, “That was quite a bump and I know what you’re all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault, it was the asphalt.”

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Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

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Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: ”We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying our airline.

He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Why, no Ma’am,” said the pilot. “What is it?” The little old lady said,

“Did we land, or were we shot down?”

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After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal..”

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Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”

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Heard on a Kulula flight. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light ‘em, you can smoke ‘em.”

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