Thoughts of Steph after the ''Swan Song'' episode.

I am not even going to post this under a ”Read More” tag. I sincerely hope you will all read it, fans and non fans.

Here we go.

I watched the last three episodes of Supernatural Season 5 yesterday. The amount of emotions that I experienced are probably only second to some very important things in my life, like my future wedding, or seeing the happiness of the people I love. I am not kidding anyone here, I am totally serious, and I expect you to take the following lines as seriously and wholeheartedly as I do.

The entrance of Death was probably one of my favourite SPN scenes ever. Cue badass, people, that was truly a phenomenal entering of what was actually the sub-boss in the end. I have listened to that song (O Death - Jen Titus just watch this) before I watched the episode, so you probably understand how many goosebumps I had when I was singing along. I always pictured Death as the fiercest of the Four Horsemen, and I was so glad they paid him the respects he deserved, so to speak.

Now, Sam’s plan to go mano-e-mano with the goddamn Lucifer was a straight way to suicide, but I don’t know. I trusted him, even through all the shit he put on Dean, I just knew he would make it in the end.

And this brings us to Swan Song. 

Brace, this will be a long rant of feels and tears.

As I type this, I listen to the ”Americana” soundtrack, and recall the beautiful way this episode started. With Chuck gracefully narrating the humble beginnings and the illustrious future of… a car.

But not just any car. We all know that. It was the car.

A car that you could have easily bypassed the day it came out of the assembly line, but could now admit it has become a piece of your own heart. The ‘67 Impala was more that a vehicle. It was always the only home our boys, Sam and Dean, actually acknowledged as their own. They had toyed with it, dismantled it, lived in it. They had scratched their initials, as one would do to their own doorbell, because this, one lone Impala, a Chevrolet car, was what defined the Winchesters from the start of their lives. Since the first day that John Winchester bought it on the advice of a ”friend” it has constantly been there. 

I will admit straight away that the finale of this episode had me feeling as though a piece of my soul, a large piece, had been torn away, after it had been scorched hot by the amount of emotion, and then frozen to numbness. I crawled in my bed, pulled the duvet around me, and with the recall of the final soundtrack piece, I cried. For a good straight 30 minutes, I cried like I had never cried before. 

How could anyone not? After the way Sam actually braced himself in the end, when he witnessed that little toy soldier in the ashtray on the backseat of his home? When Dean told him that he would always be there, no matter what? When Sam and Adam (Lucifer and Michael) fell down that hole, and Dean had lost not one, but simultaneously two brothers?

When he went to Lisa, and hugged her, broken? Because he had promised his brother that if wouldn’t return, he’d keep his oath to live a normal life?

And especially, how could I not cry when Chuck spelled those infamous words about endings? 

“So what’s it all add up too? It’s hard to say, but me I’d say this was a test, for Sam and Dean. And I think they did alright, up against good, evil; angels, devils, destiny, and God himself. They made their own choice, they chose family, and well, isn’t that kinda the whole point? No doubt, endings are hard, but then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?”

Isn’t what family is all about, in the end? You, who are reading this. So yes. Do yourselves a favour and watch this scene. Please.

To me, yes, this would have been a perfect ending to these series, had Sam not returned. I would have been devastated, depserately aching for more, for something to take the pain of absence away. I want to congratulate everyone, anyone, who was a part of this season and especially this episode. Actors, writers, casr and crew. Eric Cripke, this was what you created, and five years in the making, this is what it delivered. And I can’t think of a better sendoff to you. And perhaps Kim Manners. That is why, when the series truly end, I expect you to raise the bar even higher. And give us the ending of the endings. Because I know this is what you’d truly want for the show.

This is it people. As I carry my empty shell to seasons 6-8, I advise anyone who hasn’t watch these series yet, to sit their ass down, and learn a lesson on family bonds, cars, hunting and love.

As a final note, listening to the piano piece of the Americana, I want to thank some very special people. People who withstood my crap, tears, emotions, and generally all the shit I have put you up through these past two months.

Carli, Jenny, Sherloki, Kirsten, Shadow, Thea, Abi, Lolita, Michelle, Athena and especially Jess, my lovely sister… thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You will probably need to carry more of me now, through Season 6… but I want to say that i appreciate everything you have done for me, from the replies to the emotional outburst you let me have in the expense of your own emotions. I will never be able to repay that, and… well… I wish you the Merriest of Christmas.

And now I am in tears again.

Carry on, my wayward angels. You are my second family.