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I’m sorry but in what universe does an emoji of pie preceded by the words ‘want some’ not a clear indication that you are in possession of pie, and are offering it to me? If this is your idea of a joke, you better start putting some god damn winky faces and JKs in these fucking text messages, Zales. Good day!
The Concept of the Pity Vote
“McKenzie Zales. Shay Van Buren. Handjob girl. You’re clearly not familiar with the concept of the pity vote, are you?”
“Put yourself in the place of an average Overland Park student. Are you going to vote for a cheerleader? Maybe. An Overland Park socialite? Possibly?”
“But oh wait, there’s a girl with no arms? I should vote for her or I will most assuredly burn in the fiery fires of hellfire for all eternity. In fact, I’ll vote for her twice just so she never experiences heartbreak or disappointment in her life. After all, she does have no arms.”
“Ba da bap, 1-2-8, PROM QUEEN.”