To my peeps from the Middle Sexualities Caucus at MBLGTACC
I am writing to say that you all left such a powerful impression on me. I felt, in that room, that we had created a space big enough, wide enough, open enough, accepting enough for us ALL. This is the world I want to live in: one where we don’t compete for scarce space or for the one spotlight, where we don’t try to bring other people over to OUR position or identity, but rather meet each other where and how we are. Where difference is understood to be a positive value. Thank you for being so open, so honest, so brave.
From the campus of Colgate University in Hamilton, NY, I send you my love and my respect.
My Perspectives on Bi* Identities
An identity is something that you claim, not something that claims you. Some people prefer not to use bi or bisexual as their labels, and that is so completely okay. Regardless of behavior, desire, whatever, no one is ever mandated to claim an identity.
But damn, if you want to claim that identity but are afraid that you aren’t bi “enough,” aren’t queer enough, that you aren’t enough in any way, I say that’s bullshit. If you identify as a girl and sometimes kiss girls, if you’re a guy who fantasizes about guys, if you’re hetero-flexible, homo-flexible, bisexually open-minded, pan-attractional, biromantic, bi-curious, not 100% gay or straight-identifying, just to name a few, I say that the bisexual label is yours to claim if you want it.
I spent years questioning myself, worrying and stressing about whether I would be invalidating other people’s experiences if I claimed the bisexual label. I spent years afraid that I would give bisexuals a bad name if I kissed other girls at parties, or if said I was bi now and then at any point in the future ever said that I was straight again. I spent years worrying that I wouldn’t be accepted into the LGBT community, that there wasn’t a space for me here.
And I know some people don’t agree with me, feel that there are “real” bisexuals, that straight people are trying to take up queer spaces, that some bi folk make the community look bad. People say these things, and I’m sorry. But if you’re questioning, unsure, afraid to take up a label, know that there is a space for you. There are people who accept you, whatever your experience of your own sexuality. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to change. And not knowing or changing does not mean that any part of you is wrong, or a mistake, or less than. Labels may be for soup cans, but if the bisexual label helps you, take it.
Dear people who attended the middle-sexual caucus at MBLGTACC,
Wow. Where do I even start? First off, I’m so happy that I made the decision to go to the caucus. I was debating between that and going to the music performance, but I’m really glad that I chose the caucus because of all the beautiful people I met. Just wow.
SO. I’ve never had trouble being accepted for what I identify as. I’m pansexual, and I haven’t really come across any hate. The only thing that comes up is “what the fuck is pansexual?!” Don’t get me wrong, I love educating people on gender and sex and binaries and being queer and all that lovely stuff, but sometimes it just gets really old. Being in a place where everyone knew what it meant when I said I identify as pansexual was just really, really amazing.
I can’t thank you all enough for being so accepting, and open, as well as truly caring about what other people had to say. We all had such different stories, but it was such a moving experience to come together and share where we’ve come from. I learned so much more about all the different identities that are in the middle-spectrum, and to me that’s just so, so important. There wasn’t a second where I felt like I didn’t belong, and I can’t thank you all enough for that. I was almost in tears by the end because I just was in such a state of pure happiness. There were people who had just came out for the first time to all of us, and people who, after the caucus, felt inspired to come out to their families, and to me that’s just so so amazing. It’s a beautiful thing and FEELS AND CRIES AND YEAH.
My brain is kind of just a jumbled mess right now, but seriously just thank you all. I feel so blessed to be a part of such a loving and accepting community. So thank you.
Finally got home from MBLGTACC. It was such a great experience! Meeting so many people who I share an identity with fills me with such a sense of validation. Knowing I’m not alone is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I’m not really good with using words to describe my feelings so I just want to say fajoeimaoienfaoeimf <3
Hey middle sexualities friends
Back home, and I already miss y’all. I had some fantastic conversations on the ride back about the experiences of queer women, and it was amazing to say something I struggle with and have the people around me respond “YEAH, me too!” That was also my experience at the identity caucus, and I’m so glad I went and was able to meet you all!
I don’t get to update quite as often as I’d like, but if you enjoy social justice posts or fandoms such as Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Sherlock, and John Green, feel free to follow me! Either way, I’ll be tracking the tag and we can hopefully keep in touch. ^_^
I feel so grateful and so privileged to have heard your stories of love and struggle. I was a little low on energy that night, fighting back tears both from my allergies and from the power of sharing such a misunderstood existence with all of you…. Thanks so much and I will always be your friend if you need me.
I’m finally home and after a long and difficult week I finally have time to say somethings about the great experience that was mblgtacc.
It was one of the best experiences I’ve ever been a part of and it was because of all of you all. It was just a brilliant experience. The amount of love that was at the middle sexualities caucus was beyond amazing. And it was nice to be in a situation where everyone was so open and welcoming and it was amazing!
So, I just wanted to thank everyone, and hopefully we can keep that energy going through out the year.