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Jak o' the ShadowsPhil Norman
Bwaaaaah, I’m getting so many Wheel of Time feels at the moment. This song is so beautifully Mat & the band of the red hand, I just get chills.
I’m going to have to set aside some time to re-read the entire series as soon as the last book hits my shelves. (foo, there goes a year of my time.)
I also admit to having a nerdish fancy for wanting to do a cosplay group of the WoT characters.
Playing dice with women according to Matrim Cauthon
- Mat: Women are like mules.
- Wait. No. Goats. Women are like goats.
- Except every flaming one of them thinks she's a horse instead, and a prize mare to boot. Do you understand me, Talmanes?
- Talmanes: Pure poetry Mat
- Mat: Reasoning with a woman is impossible, it's like . . . Well, reasoning with a woman is like sitting down to a friendly game of dice. Only the woman refuses to acknowledge the basic bloody rules of the game. A man, he'll cheat you - but he'll do it honestly. He'll use loaded dice, so that you think you're losing by chance. And if you aren't clever enough to spot what he's doing, then maybe he deserves to take your coin. And that's that.
- A woman, though, she'll sit down to that same game and she'll smile, and act like she's going to play. Only when it's her turn to throw, she'll toss a pair of her own dice that are blank on all six sides. Not a single pip showing. She'll inspect the throw, then she'll look up at you and say, 'clearly I just won.'
- Now, you'll scratch your head and look at the dice. Then you'll look up at her, then down at the dice again 'But there aren't any pips on these dice' you'll say.
- 'Yes there are,' she'll say. 'And both dice rolled a one.'
- 'That's exactly the number you need to win,' you'll say.
- 'What a coincidence,' she'll reply, then begin to scoop up your coins. And you'll sit there, trying to wrap your head 'bout what just happened. And you'll realise something. A pair of ones isn't the winning throw! Not when you threw a six on your turn. That means she needed a pair of twos instead! Excitedly you'll explain what you've discovered. Only then do you know what she'll do?
- Talmanes: No idea, Mat.
- Mat: Then she'll reach over, and rub the blank faces of her dice. And then, with a perfectly straight face, she'll say, 'I'm sorry. There was a spot of dirt on the dice. Clearly you'll see they actually came up as twos!' And she'll believe it. She'll bloody believe it!
- Talmanes: Incredible.
- Mat: Only that's not the end of it!"
- Talmanes: I had presumed it wouldn't be Mat.
- Mat: She scoops up all of your coins." Mat said, gesturing with one hand, the other steadying his ashandarei across his saddle. "And then every other woman in the room will come over and congratulate her on throwing that pair of twos! The more you complain, the more those bloody women will join in the argument. You'll be outnumbered in a moment, and each of those women will explain to you how those dice clearly read twos, and how you really need to stop behaving like a child. Every single flaming one of them will see the twos! even the prudish woman who has hated your woman from birth - since your woman's granny stole the other woman's granny's honeycake recipe when they were both maids - that woman will side against you."
- Talmanes: They're nefarious creatures indeed.
- Mat: By the time they're done, you'll be left with no coin, several lists worth of errands to run and what clothing to wear and a splitting headache. You'll sit there and stare at the table and begin to wonder, just maybe, if those dice didn't read twos after all. If only to preserve what's left of your sanity.
- That's what it's like to reason with a woman, I tell you."
- Mat: What did you do to your hand, by the way?
- Rand: What did you do to your eye?
- Mat: A little accident with a corkscrew and thirteen angry innkeepers. The hand?
- Rand: Lost it capturing one of the Forsaken.
- Mat: Capturing? You're growing soft.
- Rand: Tell me you've done better.
- Mat: I killed a gholam.
- Rand: I freed Illian from Sammael.
- Mat: I married the Empress of the Seanchan.
- Rand: Mat, are you really trying to get into a bragging contest with the Dragon Reborn? Besides, I cleansed saidin. I win.