The heroic Mariners clubbed homer after homer and after nearly every one the Selig-Cabal lead NotTheCubs miraculously came back and we say miraculously in the most sarcastic way possible because cheating is not really miraculous especially when you eventually fall to the gallant hero after cheating like crazy because the Mariners would not be cheated of their rightful victory today.

ICHIRO launched two bombs and both were leadoff bombs and Smoak and Sanders both homered love you long time and Jaso and Ryan and Montero all had half homers and all of those heroic DHs except Ryan had at least 2 hits except also for Saunders who HAD FOUR HITS because he got back to basics today after his failed attempt at smoothness yesterday but he redeemed himself all the way today and Jaso was probably the clutchiest clutch DH today because he clutched his clutch double in the clutchiest inning which was the 12th where the cheating beast died.

The pitching highlight was not poor Hector Noesi who got cheated the most today by the cheaters but it was TOM WILHELMINASON and his stroke inducing curveballs who got the Mariners to the mouth of the beasts cave and the other exciting thing was Stephen Pryor and his 100 mph lasers in his first ever big league game.

goooooooooooo mariners.

Some guy was pitching for the Mariners and he was a little unrecognizable so we do not know what his name is but he gave up 3 home runs to the NotTheCubs and then the Mariners mounted a heroic comeback lead by Mariner MVP Kyle Seagar who blasted a bomb almost to where the famous and popular team in Chicago known as the Cubs plays and Justin Smoak had another good game with 2 hits including one bomb that went so amazingly high that the NotTheCubs forgot there was even a baseball up there and when it came back they were busy chatting about who has the faster lawnmower and making bets on the upcoming players only lawnmower race-a-thon and they forgot to catch the ball so Smoak got a hit and he is playing like a guy who was worth trading Cliff Lee for because he was worth trading Cliff Lee for.

Then the unknown pitcher left the game and Michael Sanders tried to be suave by catching a ball in his mouth like he was at a teppanyaki restaurant but like so many people who get hit in the eye by flying shrimp he was unsuccessful and ended up looking foolish like all those shrimp-eyes and then the game ended.