Sometimes I feel bad for the Bowie Fandom.

I mean, we have to sit through “The Man Who Fell to Earth”, which, besides Tommy, of course, is a horrible movie. Like, it is a terrible film. I mean….

1. First of all, we have to sit through Candy Clark having like 98 billion % of the dialogue in that airy whine-voice and that goddamned half-smile and her saying “Tommy? Tommmmmmyy? TOMMY!!!!!!!” like only a fucking kajillion million trillion times. 

Gurl, how am I supposed to enjoy Bowie’s naked body if yours keeps getting in the way?

2. We have to see Rip Torn fucking NAKED for crying out loud. Not just once, like, a BUNCH of times. 

[no picture necessary]

3. We have to endure random people we don’t care about in a subplot that has nothing to do with anything attached to a plot that doesn’t go anywhere. (I mean, seriously, who IS that black guy?)

Bowie = The Fandom, The Cookies = Everything else about this movie.

In Conclusion:

David, if you ever, ever see this I sincerely apologize but I want this to stand as a testament to how much we loved you. We watch this film over and over again for you. All for you.

Because we love you so much.