how old are ya, and yeah its tough. i learned her moods finally, and now i just avoid her bad side at most costs. and were friends when shes cool. but having moved out, realizing what peace is and coming back, its REALLY hard for me to deal with it.

I just turned 18. My mom is going to be 40 this year. Yeah, it’s definitely tough. Everything turns into an argument. I can’t wait to go off to university.

wait till menopause :[ my moms bat shit crazy, youll be joking around with her then BAM FUCK YOU. mixed with bi polar and her phen raging….its not pretty.

She’s batshit crazy now! I’m not looking forward to menopause at all. And I suspect that she is a bit bi-polar. Fuck, I’m screwed. But hopefully by then I’ll have the option of not having to be around her as much as I am now. That’s not for another 5-10 years, so thank God. Doesn’t make it any better how fucking insane she is now, though.

what happend?

She agreed to fostering a 2-month old puppy, told me about it the night before the dog was supposed to come (which happened to be the same night that I returned from flying/travelling all day), and then left me to take care of it for three whole days (even though it was HER idea) and told me to just suck it up and get over it. And the dog was HER idea. My dad even agreed with me about how un-fair it was. And yesterday I wanted to go out to the beach with my dad and that meant she would actually have to take care of the dog, and she was just like ‘do whatever you want!’ 

I suspect that she’s going through a mid-life crisis.

ugh life at home is so - stupid

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I just love being more mature than a 50 year old.

I’m never going to be good enough for you, am I? I do better but better isn’t good enough for you, because it’s not the best. In your eyes whatever I do will never be good enough. Even though everyone else around you and me is prouder than ever with what I do. You tell me to play an instrument, so I do it even though I hate it with a passion. I still do it because you want me to. You tell me go play sports again, so I do it and I find a sport I love with all my heart, but yet you don’t support it. I’m involved in our church with good people and a good environment, but yet you get mad when I’m always there. I try harder in school and improve one of the classes I struggle in, but still it’s not good enough. NOTHING I do, will ever please you. You are never satisfied with what I do, but I still try. You know why? Because one day I want to make you proud of me. But as of right now, I don’t see that ever happening in the future. So maybe I should just stop trying to please you. Maybe I just need to do me, do what I really want to do and ignore what you think or say, and just do the things that make me happy…..If only it were that easy….

im one of those people that complain about how facebook is nothing but pregnant bitches.

im also one of those people that like to make fun of the pregnant/already had a kid bitches. not for any particular reason. theres nothing wrong with having kids, except for being an utter moron with your child.

first of all, im tired of reading “yayyy new baby daddy. this ones for real though!!” girl, please. everyone read that status and probably chuckled to themselves and thought “yeah, so was the last one you had a puppy with and the one you were engaged to.” get the fuck out of here with all that noise LOL!

now onto young mothers as a whole…

i cant say i know its hard to be a young mother, cos i dont have a kid, but i can tell you i was the kid of a young mother. i grew up with a tough life due to my parents being also 18 years old when they had me. i lived the struggles, i remember being 2 years old and seeing them fight, not having food, not being around them because they worked so much, and feeling the amount of stress they felt. so dont try and tell me i dont know what its like because i do.

the number 1 mistake as a young mother that i see most of them doing is introducing their child to new boys/men because the mother is “looking for love”. yes, of course you want a good father figure for your child, who wouldnt? but youre doing it wrong.

that poor baby should not be introduced to anyone AT ALL until you know for sure that man/boy is going to be there 110% for your child. would you like it if your mother was bringing home men and you had a new stepdaddy every few weeks? no, you wouldnt.

once again, im not a mother and dont plan to be any time soon, but damn ladies…. raise your kids better and dont post your entire life on facebook. it makes you look bad.

Before you start reading this, I want you to understand something. I love my father wholeheartedly. He might not agree with my lifestyle, but he genuinely cares for me and loves me and asks me questions only to find out how I’m doing. He does not pass judgment (to my face), nor does he give me unwanted or unsolicited advice. If he ever does, it is rarely about my lifestyle.  He has had several cancers, and I cherish every conversation I have with him. I will never ever give him up.

But he is still married to my mother. If I call the house, she will answer and either listen in on the phone line or listen to his words. When we chat on facebook he has to erase conversations if he doesn’t want her to know what was said, even though it might be harmless. She knows his password, and bullies him into telling it to her when he changes it. She refuses to get her own facebook account supposedly because she’s paranoid about having “too much information” out on the Internet. I personally believe it’s because no one would add her as a friend on there and she wouldn’t be able to effectively stalk anyone, nor could she keep good tabs on my father.  He will not leave her, and I will not leave him. We are at an impasse.

Beyond that even, I am probably never going to stop hoping that she will stop being so crazy and will want to be a loving mother and grandmother to me and my child. Every time I get a message from her that is even vaguely friendly and does not sound judgmental, I get excited and think, “Oh, here we go, THIS is what I’ve been looking for!” Wife and my friends only roll their eyes and sigh when I communicate with my mother because they know what’s coming next… but I don’t think I can ever give up. She’s my mother. She’s the only one I have.  I have an amazing mother in law, and I have incredible pseudo-moms from my friends’ parents, but there is only one mother who raised me and taught me how to sew and how to be kind and how to basically be who I am. “The Crazy” didn’t really come out until I was in my teens and she was going through menopause. It only got worse when I got together with Wife. I’m pretty sure it’s a physical progressive mental illness and she will never return to the mother I knew as a child, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing and hoping.  So, bearing that in mind… read on.

Yesterday

Mom: Are you and the baby healthy? Mom

Me: Yes, we are doing quite well. I’m right on track with my weight gain (14-15 lbs), I’m at third trimester Friday, and the baby is kicking and moving like crazy! My only complaint these days is heartburn.

Last Night
Mom: who is coming to the birth?

Me: [Wife], [BFF] if she isn’t giving birth herself, [Babydaddy] and [Babydaddy’s Husband], and probably Ashleigh. I think only [Wife] and [BFF] will be with me though.
Why?

Mom: I wondered if the father would show up

Mom: Who is Ashleigh?

Mom: Rethink it; [Babydaddy] should be at your head and experience his child’s birth. Every dad these days does. His child will be sorry he didn’t express joy immediately.

Me: [Wife] will be there. This is a mutual decision between our families.

Mom: Yet….you are thinking of what you want, and I’m telling you what the child will want.

Me: I don’t care if Dad was in the room when I was born. I don’t remember it, it doesn’t matter. What matters to me is the love he showed me as a father now and while I was growing up.
I realize you are telling me what you think is best, but it is not best for us.
[Babydaddy] and [Babydaddy’s Husband] will see the child within moments of its birth. They just won’t be in the room the moment it is born.

Mom: I hope you will be right and that the child won’t care. But, [Babydaddy] won’t be there daily.
Which could cause rightful doubt.
just a suggestion.

Me: [Wife] will be, and she is my wife. You seem to want to ignore the fact that she is the other main parent in our family.
[Babydaddy] has signed papers giving up all parental rights.
[Wife] is adopting.

Mom: You seem to want to ignore the fact that he is the other genetic parent.
ALL parental rights??!!! That is sad.

Me: This is not your choice, nor does it require your input.

Mom: I am not ‘requiring’, Julia. I am discussing.

Me: I am finished with this conversation, as you only want to tell me how the only acceptable family in your eyes is one exactly like you created.

Mom: That is YOUR sentence, not mine.
Which is a naive statement.