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It’s okay to blame a woman in the case of rape if she…
- was the rapist
IT IS NOT OKAY TO BLAME A WOMAN IF SHE…
had been wearing a short skirt was too drunk to give consent consumed rape drugs was ‘asking for it’ had already had sex with the other person was wearing revealing clothing
GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
post note: is strikethrough not showing up? I crossed out all of the bullets except for the ‘was the rapist’ bullet. Rape is never excusable. short skirts don’t cause rape; rapists do.
“The benefits of feminine privilege include having men pay for your drinks and open doors for you. The benefits of male privilege include getting to run the motherfucking world. I think I'd rather pay for my own drinks.”—Five Stupid Things About the Men’s Rights Movement - YouTube
“Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well. So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights. For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data. ”— From “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (Sorry I’m on a rape tangent today… Been thinking a lot about the importance of informed consent in ALL ways.)
“Our society is often described as patriarchal—a society ruled by aging fathers concerned first and foremost with passing on the patrimony. At the risk of being glib, however, I'd suggest that it might be more accurate to say that we have a filiarchal society—a society ruled almost entirely by sons—by very young men. Certainly boys—especially white heterosexual boys—are the most privileged creatures in the Western social hierarchy. They are forgiven almost everything in life—and are forgiven everything in art.”—Samuel R. Delany, interviewed in 1986, “On Triton and other matters”
“The paradox between male privilege and male misery is often used to argue that women's oppression is balanced by a similar or even worse lot for men. Warren Farrell, for example, writes that societies such as that in the United States are both patriarchal and matriarchal, with each gender having its own areas of oppressive domination. As with other false parallels, Farrell draws attention away from patriarchy to men as victims who deserve sympathy as much as women do. At the extreme, men's woes are used to blame women for the price men pay for privilege, even though the price usually is exacted by other men. Men's reluctance to open themselves fully to their inner emotional lives, for example, is based far more on fear of being vulnerable to other men or of being seen as insufficiently manly-not in control and controlled by others-than on worries about women. In similar ways, the competitive grind, insecurity, or fear of violence that many men experience is overwhelmingly in relation to other men, not women.”—Allan G. Johnson, The Gender Knot
Kindergarten, AKA Introduction to Male Privilege
I met one of my daughter’s classmates who’s been infuriating her. He keeps telling her she can’t do things because she’s a girl (this week’s obsession being that she can’t play team sports, she has to be a cheerleader). Well today I watched him grab the glue stick in my kid’s hand, pull with all his might, literally screeeeaaaming in this horrible guttural demon-voice that she had to give it to him for (I’m not fucking kidding) over a full fucking minute. Meanwhile I kept saying no, she would share, but she had it first and he shouldn’t take things without asking. His tiny little face stayed contorted in this horrible grimace while he kept demanding she give it to him NOW and trying to pry it out of her fingers, and his mother (literally right next to him, touching him) just watched and said nothing.
And this is kindergarten rape culture, folks.
The teacher didn’t even notice any of this (even though there were only ~20 students and 10 parents in the room), which helps explain why my daughter constantly comes home talking about how this boy says and does awful things and doesn’t get punished. I need to have a parent-teacher conference, too, because when my daughter reports this bullying behavior to the teacher (which is what I tell her to do), she’s told not to “tattle.”
Don’t tattle on your bullies, kids, let them be disgusting bullies who never get punished for their actions. That’s not a fucking gross message to send to children or anything.
So glad it’s almost summer you don’t even know.
Please understand when someone says you have privilege - whether it be because of your race, gender, etc., understand they are not saying they claim to know you and understand your life. They are not saying you have lived an easy life. They are not saying you were born with a silver spoon or found one along the way.
What they are saying is that you were born with something, something that others were not. You were born with an advantage that for the time being, is still inherent and institutionalized.
What they are saying is listen, because as a result of that privilege, there are some things you can’t learn unless you do exactly that - listen.
So I implore you: Open you eyes. Close your mouth. Fill your ears, and consequentially, your heart and mind.
“Most of my life, I would have doubted myself and backed down. Having public standing as a writer of history helped me stand my ground, but few women get that boost, and billions of women must be out there on this 6-billion-person planet being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives, that the truth is not their property, now or ever. This goes way beyond Men Explaining Things, but it's part of the same archipelago of arrogance.”—The origin of the term Mansplaining derives from Rebecca Solnit’s 2008 article “Men Explain Things to Me”
But even gauging a woman's interest - you have to remember that women feel uncomfortable saying no
1. We’re socialized not to say no. We’re socialized to let men walk all over us. Plenty of women don’t unlearn this behavior and I would say most women still have some degree of hesitation when it comes to not catering to men whether they notice or not.
2. Even if we have unlearned that socialization, women know that men can be dangerous. We know that if we say no we can be harassed, followed, stalked, assaulted, or killed. That shit is very real.
I personally just don’t want to be bothered with any bullshit if I’m coming home from work or at the library. I really don’t. I deserve to be able to exist without being imposed upon by strange men.