I am so fucking sick of teaching our daughters not to get raped
laughmom.com“Trigger warning* I’m talking about rape and I’m fucking pissed off..
Never take a drink from anyone or let your drink out of your sight. Don’t show too much cleavage. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Never go to a boy’s room alone. If it comes to it, go for the eyes, the nose, the balls. Always stay with a group of girls…safety in numbers. You can’t trust him, even if he seems nice.
These are all the rules I was taught growing up. Parents, teachers, media, all told me I had to be careful not to get raped. Because I was a girl. And the responsibility was on me.
I’m so fucking sick of it.
I don’t have daughters that have to be taught these rules. I have sons. Three sons. And instead, I will teach them what seems like a pretty basic concept that should be taught to all sons: DON’T RAPE PEOPLE!
Like everyone else, I’ve followed the Steubenville rape trial with horror and disgust. My horror and disgust is directed toward Michael Nodianos, who spent twelve minutes entertaining his friends with jokes about the rape they had all just witnessed. My horror and disgust is directed toward Mark Cole II who shot a video of his friend raping someone and didn’t see anything wrong with it until the next day. My horror and disgust is directed toward Evan Westlake and Cody Saltsman and Anthony Craig and every other person who was witness to and complicit in the RAPE of a 16 year old girl and instead of stopping it, saw fit to shoot photos, video and share to social media. My horror and disgust is directed toward Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond, the two boys who MADE A DECISION to haul an incapacitated girl from party to party for use as an object of humiliation and degradation. The two boys who MADE A DECISION to repeatedly penetrate a barely conscious girl (if she was conscious at all). The two boys who MADE A DECISION for a girl who didn’t have a say in the matter.
Never, at any point in following this story, did I stop and think, “Man…that sucks for those rapists.”
You know why? Because they are rapists. Yes, they are young. Yes, they are stupid. Yes, they made a mistake. Yes, they had good grades. Yes, they were athletes. Yes, they are someone’s sons. Yes, they have fucked up their futures. Not a single one of those facts excuses them from the consequences of raping someone.
There seems to be some sort of fucked up public opinion that we should pity these boys because, hey, we all do dumb stuff when we’re young. Because it could have been our sons. And to that I say, bullshit.
We need to stop letting it be our sons.
We need to teach our sons that no means no. And that silence means no. And that drunkenness means no. And that being passed out means no. And that “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” or “maybe we shouldn’t do this” means no.
We need to teach our sons that women and girls are actual people. They’re not just bodies. They’re not just holes. They’re not inanimate objects to be used at will.
We need to teach our sons that degrading women isn’t funny in any context.
We need to teach our sons that watching something happen and not intervening is every bit as bad as participating.
We need to teach our sons what it means to be men.
I don’t have any daughters. I am not tasked with teaching them how to try not to get raped. But this isn’t a problem with our daughters. We shouldn’t have to teach them how to stop rape.
We need to teach our sons.”
^I did not write this, I found this on the interwebz, but I cant seem to find the author’s name.
Okay. Let’s examine something. Tonya McDowell has been sentenced to five years in prison for enrolling her child in a better school outside of her district. Meanwhile, Trent Mays & Ma’lik Richmond, the rapists from Steubenville, Ohio, got a collective three years of time in a juvenile correctional facility between the two of them, & they’re being made out as the victims because they had “promising futures.” What the ACTUAL FUCK is going on.
Trent Mays and Ma'lik Richmond, the two teenagers on trial for rape in Steubenville, Ohio, have been convicted in a juvenile court. More:
cnn.comJudge Thomas Lipps announced his decision after reviewing evidence presented over four days of testimony in the case against 17-year-old Trent Mays and 16-year-old Ma’lik Richmond, who were tried as juveniles.
Mays and Richmond were tried before Lipps, a visiting judge, without a jury. The trial moved quickly — and through the weekend — to accommodate the judge’s schedule.
They face the possibility of being jailed until they are 21.
The ruling brings an end to a trial that has gained national attention for its lurid text messages, cell phone pictures and videos, and social media posts surrounding the alleged sexual abuse of the girl.
Mays and Richmond (along with their lawyers and families) were extremely emotional in the courtroom in the wake of the decision, with both offering statements apologizing to the victim.
“For readers interested in learning more about how not to be labeled as registered sex offenders, a good first step is not to rape unconscious women, no matter how good your grades are. Regardless of the strength of your GPA (weighted or unweighted), if you commit rape, there is a possibility you may someday be convicted of a sex crime. This is because of your decision to commit a sex crime instead of going for a walk, or reading a book by Cormac McCarthy. Your ability to perform calculus or play football is generally not taken into consideration in a court of law. Should you prefer to be known as "Good student and excellent football player Trent Mays" rather than "Convicted sex offender Trent Mays," try stressing the studying and tackling and giving the sex crimes a miss altogether. It's perfectly understandable, when reporting on a rape trial, to discuss the length and severity of the sentence; it is less understandable to discuss the end of two convicted rapists' future athletic and academic careers as if it were somehow divorced from the laws of cause and effect. Their dreams and hopes were not crushed by an impersonal, inexorable legal system; Mays and Richmond raped a girl and have been sentenced accordingly. Had they not raped her, they would not be spending at least one year each in a juvenile detention facility. It is unlikely that Candy Crowley and Poppy Harlow are committed rape apologists; more likely they simply wanted a showy, emotional angle at the close of a messy and sensationalized trial. Since the identity of the victim is protected, and the rapists obliged the camera crews by memorably breaking down and crying in court, they found an angle to match: extremely gifted young men were brought tragically low by... mumblemumblesomething. That isn't how rape trials ought to be discussed by professional journalists.”
—Mallory Ortberg http://gawker.com/5991003/cnn-reports-on-the-promising-future-of-the-steubenville-rapists-who-are-very-good-studentsI hope everyone knows their names. Everyone in this damn country. I hope their lives are ruined - I hope, god, I hope, that karma gets them back twice as hard, no lives, no college, no career. You stupid kids can live under the poverty line your entire lives and I would not - could not - bring myself to care, to give you any pity, not even a penny for your thoughts.
As for the rest of us? Might as well hit the self-destruct button now. This species peaked. We’re reverting back to animals, turning into monsters. High school kids taking pictures and videos of an assault, posting them on the internet, laughing about the rape. Grown men and women sympathizing with these kids as their verdict got handed to them. It’s enough to make my blood boil.
Reaction to the reaction to the Steubenville rape case
I get it. It was probably really emotional in that courtroom. But it’s obvious that there are outstanding voices in the media with woefully messed-up priorities. And yeah, I’m talking about Candy Crowley and Poppy Harlow from CNN. The way their report went, you’d think Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond were the victims here! Like, wow, what a mean ol’ judge Thomas Lipps was for ruining the lives of those bright young men!
I have no doubt that they were good students and star athletes. So yeah, it’s sad that their lives and reputations are going to take a serious hit that WILL haunt them for the rest of their lives? But you know what? That’s what you get for raping a 16-year-old girl. Are we just gonna overlook that? They committed the crime of rape and were found guilty in a court of law!
But nooooo, that’s not the issue, I guess. The issue is that those poor boys, one of whom cried his eyes out in the courtroom are gonna be registered sex offenders, huh? They showed so much promise, but this is to be the end result! Well, rightfully so. Because they’re rapists. Look, if CNN’s reporters want to be bleeding hearts, that’s fine. But they ought to be responsible about it. They can’t just let their crimes go. You know what that does? It makes the perpetrators victims, thus erasing the TRUE victim and her suffering.
But hey, it’s not like being drugged and raped haunts you for the rest of your life too, right?
"Rape Case In Steubenville Not Over * Death Threats, Arrests, Petitions, & Grand Jury Investigation" (Salzillo 2013)
No, it is not over. And as a society, we owe much to Jane Doe for reporting her rape, going through the trial, and now, having to bear the aftermath of more ignorance, more hatred and, hopefully, more justice.
The same day the Steubenville rapists received their sentences, the rape victim, Jane Doe, received death threats via Twitter and Social Media. Arrests have been made.
The same night, a petition was started, which now contains over 100,000 signatures, and was sent to CNN, demanding an apology. Petitioners feel CNN’s coverage was more sympathy to the rapists, rather than the rape victim.
The next day a petition circulating Facebook, demanding one of the Steubenville football coaches be fired. The coach stated he didn’t think the players involved, the night of the rape, should be kicked off the team.
And now, Ohio State Attorney General Mike DeWine revealed that a Grand Jury will be called April 15 with as many as 16 others facing possible charges.
“We’ve gone a long way in this investigation and we’re almost there. The grand jury will finish up that investigation,” DeWine said shortly after Ma’lik Richmond and Trent Mays were found guilty of rape.
DeWine said 16 people refused to talk with investigators and face possible crimes that include failure to report a felony and failure to report child abuse.
“This community desperately needs to have this behind them, but this community also desperately needs to know justice was done and that no stone was left unturned,” he said.
*Rape is caused by misogyny, rapists, institutional tolerance and structual violence. Rape is not caused by clothing, being in the wrong place, being drunk, or not being careful.
If You’ve Been Raped Or Sexually Assaulted, Please Seek Help:
Call: National Rape, Abuse, & Incest Hotline: 1.800.656.HOPE
Join: Facebook Group:Rape Is Never Justified:https://www.facebook.com/…
Visit: UniteWomen.org: https://www.facebook.com/…
If you honestly, HONESTLY believe that the girl who was raped is ruining the boys' lives,
then please unfollow me right now.
And don’t fucking try to make me feel sorry for those boys either, or put the girl at fault in any way.
She was taken advantage of by those boys who knew FULL WELL what they were doing.
There are no if’s, and’s or but’s to this.
A girl was kidnapped, drugged, raped, videotaped and then left naked on the ground of an unfamiliar place. Now, she’s going to have to live with that stigma for the rest of her life, along with all the physical and psychological trauma.
So, don’t fucking tell me that those boys don’t deserve the hell I hope is going to be sent their way.
Steubenville
I want to share a story with you. This is a true story that I am embarrassed about, but I think is important to tell and might put things in perspective for you.
When I was 18, I went to a party full of Chico State fraternity guys with my very close friend who was part of the fraternity. Now, if you have ever heard of Chico, it is probably because the university is considered a major “party school.”
I got so drunk that the last thing I remember was telling the only person I knew at the party that one of his frat brothers could drive me home because I was not ready to leave. He left, and I immediately started puking in the bathroom sink. The next morning, I woke up on my friend’s couch. His fraternity brother had held my hair until it was safe to drive me home. He did not rape me because he was not a rapist.
Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond ARE rapists, and they were found guilty for the crimes they committed.
