RE:

so yesterday i posted a blog if you will in which i asked transgender people who live under the radar, commonly referred to as transpeople living ‘stealth’, as to what it is they did for the transgender community by doing so.

i got a lot of mixed responses. some transpeople are like myself, and don’t exactly scream about their genitals from the rooftops, but talk about it openly via the internet, or to select people. some are very open, and active within their local transgender community while trying to hide that part of their lives from others; organizing, and prioritizing you could say, their social life.

however, for the majority of people who responded, i’d like to state that none of them do a single thing.

it’s funny because most of the people who responded to what i said in this way didn’t even try to answer my question. they just defended themselves rather than actually admitting the reality of the situation. my question being, “what is it you do for the transgender community?”

now i’m not trying to ignite some sort of debate here, because as i can already see this is like watching romney attempt to explain how his deficit reducing plan actually adds up, but i feel the need to say a few things here because of all of this.

now the general goal when transitioning should be an obvious one; you are transitioning socially, physically, and interpersonally many times into a role you feel you fit into. in most cases, this would be for example a transgender woman living a stereotypical cisgendered woman’s life, i.e. a husband, kids, white picket fence, etc.

in essence, the goal is to blend in.

obviously if that weren’t the case no one would transition whatsoever, and they really wouldn’t be transgender at all.

the thing is, this entire time that they’re living under the radar like this, they’re fearing for their lives. they’re constantly worrying about other people’s opinions, their job, their family… they’re always looking behind their shoulder trying to protect this apparently shameful secret that will devastate their life.

it’s like being an escaped convict.

the funny thing is though, as obvious as it may sound, we aren’t criminals to begin with.

many of the transpeople who responded to me stated how them being transgender was in no way normal, that they were ashamed, etc… in essence, reading most of these responses you can just feel the self-loathing seeping through your computer screen. to be honest, it’s fairly depressing to think about.

many people have agreed that even if you have successfully transitioned, or are living your life in stealth as it may be, you aren’t any better than the people who aren’t living this way. i’m glad for that.

i’m happy to know that a lot of transpeople that have gone through this don’t place themselves on a pedestal because of it.

the fact remains though that no matter what, if you’re not giving back to the community in which you came from in some way, all you’re doing is abandoning it. which, if that’s the case, makes the transgender community not really a community at all. it’s like a playground you grow out of, and feel embarrassed even thinking about. like that awful memory you try desperately to repress.

i don’t know about you, but that doesn’t exactly scream social acceptance to me, let alone personal acceptance. it’s like trying to love other people when you don’t love yourself. it just doesn’t work that way.

is it any wonder that thousands of transpeople every year kill themselves because of how our society is? it’s pretty obvious as to why our lives are the way we are, and why people treat us the way they do.

it’s like we come from this broken home that desperately needs fixing, but no one wants to do anything about it. like a foster home that beats it’s kids, and the ones who finally get out of that situation never look back. they don’t think about their friends, or their peers who are still being beat, and are chained there.

we’re in a social suicide club, and everyone’s just looking the other way while their fellow members leap to their death.

to the people who stated that they don’t want to get killed, or harassed … i do understand that, and i wouldn’t wish that on anyone. it’s not easy to live your life openly, or to be brave like that, and many of you have stated that you admire the people who do.

honestly though… every group that’s not considered the norm ― or equal in their time ― be it african americans, homosexual people, or women as well have fought for their rights. they have fought to be seen as equal. to be seen as human beings, and not just a label. it’s a war they fight every day, and we should be talking about these things, and fighting for our rights as well. to transition without the fear of death, to be accepted… we should be fighting to be considered normal too.

to the people who transition, and live in stealth turning their back on who they are, or were:

do you want to know why so many transpeople grow up hating themselves?
it’s you. you’re the reason why.
do you want to know why you may have grown up hating yourself?
people like you. 
do you want to know why we’re seen as different, and not as normal?
no one said anything otherwise. 

i’m very well aware of the fact that i’ve probably offended i don’t know how many people by saying the things that i have in this post, and i’m aware that a lot of people already know these things, and some may not care at all, but honestly… if you’re one of the people who’s like this, i really hope you’re not also the person who asks themselves “why is/was this so hard for me?”

because the answer is you. furthermore if you’re not brave enough to at least try to help out in some way or another, don’t expect that to change anytime soon.

why does it seem like the only thing we’re fighting against is ourselves?

P.S.  

i feel that because this is tumblr, someone may become offended by the idea that they alone are the reason social progress has not been made because i did not explicitly tell them they were not alone in the blame that is making transgender people feel abnormal. i’d like to state now for the record that i don’t believe that to be true, however if you aren’t doing anything positive for our community, then you certainly aren’t doing anything to help with that.