Admission #92: Coroner
I’ve spent over a week trying to write a post about my experience at the morgue, specifically the coroner’s office. Initially, I was very excited. “How badass is this?” I thought to myself.
But I’m going to be honest: the whole thing left me feeling pretty messed-up inside.
Why I haven't been posting lately.
It’s been an interesting and heartbreaking couple of months. I’ve been busy catching up with work and with life in general, post-exhibit. Since mid-October, I have witnessed all my family members grow a year older. I have grown a year older and hopefully wiser, in the sense that now I know better to do or not do something depending on the situation.
Then there was Harry just being his playful self one day and being dead the next which until now, I haven’t gotten over. It’s only been around two weeks since that dreadful Saturday morning and I still feel sad and regretful whenever I think about him. I know I am probably bordering on insane by now. After all, it’s a cat. Technically, we never shared a conversation, never really got to know each other. But in many ways, I was much closer to Harry than I ever was or will be with my real Father. So, no, just because Harry was not human doesn’t mean I cannot mourn the loss of that inexplicable connection that I had with our cat of less than two years.
For weeks now I have been tempering the urge to write. Write what specifically, I do not know. I just had this growing feeling that some words needed to be written. I tried making lists in my journal (Things To Do Before 2011 Ends); calculating home much I owed the credit card company (more than what I could afford; I am an impulsive shopper); and replying to e-mails I should have replied to weeks ago. These still did not quell the urge.
Which is why I turned to this medium, even though I know the number of people who’d actually take time to read this would not be more than three (I hope you know who you are. Don’t let me down!). It feels comforting to be laying in bed with your hair still wet, baring your soul at past midnight to an audience of two.
At least I need not worry about speaking too fast, afraid that if I slowed down, you’d lose interest in me and start a new topic of conversation.
mushy post coming your way
as some of you may know, my first month and a bit of college has not been easy. hurricane, earthquake, a week in the hospital, figuring out (still) what food i can and can’t eat, sprained my ankle. started PT for my shoulder again, all the roommate stuff, and my popop has a cancerous tumor on his voicebox. he’s having surgery for the 4th time on friday, to take it out. he’ll be using one of those robot vibrating things until the beginning of next year, where something will be put in around his chords to help them vibrate. no one knows if he’ll have to do radiation or chemo after the surgery.
so basically, i have a lot of my plate. my popop means the world to me. my mom’s dad died when she was 13, so i didn’t get to meet him, even though i (as weird as this may sound) can feel his spirit around me so much. my mom’s mother, by the time i could form conscious memories, had severe dementia. when i was 12, she asked me and my brother what kind of cigarettes we smoked. she passed away when i was 15, or so. my dad’s mother has the best intentions in the world and is very sweet, she;s very victorian. jam for english muffins go on a serving plate. she’s so sweet, let me make that clear. she just has different standards. my dad’s dad, my popop, would save up change, drive me down to the coin star machine, and let me keep all of it. he nearly pulled my bangs out when he saw them for the first time, because they were “covering up my beautiful face”. he was an agent for the boston symphony orchestra, and loved music. he’s the counterpart to nana, relaxed, sitting in the living room, reading the new yorker with me. my mom has known him twice as long as she knew her own dad. he’s the only grandfather i have ever had.
last night i posted some of this in hayley’s paramoreband entry, so she knew how much renegade, and hearing from her, has helped me through all of this. her response has reset my mind frame. i’m positive and hopeful,recharged. that positive energy has already come back to me 10fold. not only does it show what a great band, and people, paramore is, but it shows you how important it is to have people around you that care and that are POSITIVE.
paramore is my family. they are always there for me. i may have only talked to them face to face 2 times, but they’re family. i’ll defend them until my last breath. they mean the world to me. i got to grow up with them. they helped me navigate the death maze that is high school. it’s because of them i graduated (at all) bruised and scarred, not dead. they’re more than a band.
"We Must Become The Change We Want To See"
I pull out of my driveway, drunk off of sleep and unwilling to go to “work” as I click the garage remote and turn on some much needed music - very loud with the windows down, of course. It seems so routine and natural now that I’ve been doing this same thing every single weekend for the past few months, maybe even years. I decide to stop by a local pearl tea place before going to “work”, indulging myself, yet again, with a three dollar cup of sugary greatness. As I pull out onto the road, I notice a group of teenaged kids playing in the middle of the street. Immediately, I start thinking about what I should do as I approach them.
So, I act as many other drivers would do during a pedestrian encounter - I slow down and make eye contact with them in hopes of them moving out of the way and allowing me to be on my way. I was lollygagging at home so I was in a bit of a hurry to get to “work” and help out my father. The kids make eye contact with me and refuse to move. I come to a stop a few feet away from them and scan their group. They were mostly little kids, except for one guy who looked the oldest - he was probably my age or a bit younger and stared at me with a discerning and malevolent grin. I stared for a few more seconds and decided to break left to avoid hitting any of them. As I drove off, departing the scene, I glance at my rear-view mirror. I notice their stares at my car. The eldest one is mouthing something, but the grin is gone and was now replaced with a hateful expression. I could tell he was mouthing off curse words, and I noticed his middle finger shot up from his right hand.
I had no clue what he was angry about or how I made him that angry. I thought about all of the different messages that my actions could have conveyed to the group and I found no rational reasons as to why he should be angry. I did nothing offensive and if anything, I avoided any conflict or mishaps. Thinking about how he indirectly, offensively, and irrationally insulted me for no apparent reason made me angry. I was angry at his ignorance and inconsideration. And to think, those kids were probably 9-14 years old, and they did the same thing as he did - stand and stare at me, in my car, as I wait for them to get out of the god damn way.
For some reason, this whole indirect conflict made me think about how today’s society functions. Why would someone do such a thing? What was more more disgusting was how the kids acted the same way as that guy did. Who would want to be inconsiderate and disrespectful to a complete stranger? I realize now that I am potentially disappointed by everyone in my town, and possibly the whole world. I am sure there are genuine people out there, but I have yet to meet them because so far, most of the people in this town have completely disgusted me. I find myself pushing away from the people I know because I just don’t want to speak to any of them. There are too many negative influences in this dynamic world that completely infects the innocent minds of young kids, turning them into ill-mannered people. Potential is wasted and bright minds are lost to the imperfections of society. There are more criminals committing hateful crimes than there are good Samaritans lending a helping hand. People are dying and getting into conflicts or meaningful arguments because of stupid/ridiculous things like wearing a certain color or being a certain race. Gangsters are all over the place and I am convinced that no matter where I go, there will be those types of people there. So much for any means of escape.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that what happened today further disappointed me in my hopes of meeting someone with the same ideals or morals as I have - or maybe similar. Maybe I am better off being alone and not depending on anybody in order to not continue to be disappointed by what society fosters, as far as people go. This incident also motivated me to become a better person and continue to act selflessly and courteously. There are too many horrible people in this world, but maybe I could try to be one more all-right individual. At least. Maybe my actions might influence someone else to do the same. Think about future generations and how more and more kids are cursing, doing drugs, drinking, and smoking at a younger age, and joining gangs all because of the influences from the older people around them. I would want my kids to live in a safe place and grow up to be someone that I would be willing to meet in this day and age, and I would want to be proud about the city I live in or the country I live in. Too bad that is probably not going to happen, but hey, that’s life. I guess.
YongSeo and my bestfriend.
So my best friend, well she’s not new to kpop and all but I kind of pushed her to watch a variety show which was Yongseo’s WGM. It took her 1 month to finished it with some problems in between because the DVDs I gave to her were fucked up so I had to give her new copies. lol Going back, I am really happy for her though cause during the times she’s watching it, she gives me an update that Yong is so adorable with some other private details lol, that Seohyun is pretty, that they look good together, and that she’s SPAZZING <- priceless btw. etc etc HAHA!
So now that she have finished it, she told me that she can’t stop crying and she wanted them to end up together. (that was so me when yongseo ended! HAHAHA) I felt relieved with that, cause I knew she enjoyed watching it and she felt what all the other goguma fans felt while watching it. And for the good part! She loved CNBLUE!!!! HAHAHA!! (well, that’s one of hidden agenda why I let her watched it loljk) And she wanted to go with me and our friend Jamie (my spazzer-in-crime lol boiceph too) when they’ll hold a concert in the Phils. And that, I CAN’T WAIT! :D
back to school
It’s good to be average, isn’t it?
or is it?
I see so many people post pictures of their dorms with their new room mates back at school. They all probably spent their summer doing the most ordinary summer vacation things with their ordinary friends. And they’ll take ordinary university classes when semester starts, and they’ll get the most typical college experience for the next 4 years. They’ll most likely not worry about money, bills, and rent. The Valley kids don’t have those problems - their parents will pay for everything. They’ll go on to take on internships like ordinary American college kids, and they won’t worry about getting started with their careers because they’ll have connections they built up from their normal college network.
I’m trying not to sound so bitter. I’m really not bitter. In fact, good for them. Less worries and more regularity in their lives. These days though, I feel as if the world is a huge and vast ocean, and I’m in a fishbowl. and I’m floating on that vast ocean. Does this make sense at all? I feel disconnected from the people I went to school with, my peers. I’m trying to figure out if my nudges come from the fact that I still don’t have a complete one-way direction mapped out. Picking a major, sticking with it, and shaping your entire life is what you’re supposed to be doing during your freshman and sophomore years. I’ve always been a “late bloomer”, or as my dad calls it, “procrastinator”. Not that I’m not trying - trust me, I always do - but it just takes a bit longer for me to come to a conclusion. Some people can go with their instincts, guts, emotions, whatever they call it. I’m too connected with my brain to reach for my heart and letting go. No, I need to go through a process and digest/analyze everything before I act on anything.
I have a very close friend who is very similar to me, but he’s more comfortable with uh feelings and un-logic and heart and mushy-mush. and from the few other people I’ve come to meet and know this summer, I definitely learned to lean on my own senses. Everyone you meet changes you in some way - some more drastically than others. I took the Myer-Briggs personality test 2 weeks ago, and apparently I’ve changed to ESTJ or something (extrovert/sensing/something). Who would have thought I’d become more self-aware?
Anyways, I guess writing this has helped me organize what’s been floating (or DROWNING) in my head for the past week or two. I barely have time for myself these days because of work… and I need more time for myself. I thought I liked not being able to think about anything when I’m running around the sales floor, but it’s turning out to be kind of unhealthy emotionally. At least I took off Saturday to go to this camp/retreat and that’s gonna be a heavy schedule too… but it’s time away from work. and that’s exactly what I need. Away from everything, away from everyone. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.
"Cause Everything Happens for a Reason" --> Mantra for Life
It’s really funny, at least to yourself, to look back at a certain time in the past and simply be amazed at how much has changed. How the town you lived in has change, how your friends have changed (for better or for worse), and how you yourself have changed. I mean, you don’t even have to go that far back.
A year ago today, I was miserable and couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of Los Altos. I couldn’t wait to leave this house behind, and I was pretty much all packed and ready to go (or at least I was almost done packing). I didn’t care for the people that I was gonna leave behind, and I had the intention of leaving and never looking back.
Today, I’m perfectly content with where I am and how I’m living. I’m perfectly content and enjoying the sheltered warmth that is Los Altos, and I’m glad that if and when I come back to this house my room wouldn’t have changed much. I’m definitely not packed, and I care a lot more for the people who I used to blow off. I know that it’s ok for me to look back every now and then, as long as it didn’t interfere with my moving forward.
At first, I hated the thought of going to UCSC. I hated how empty and weird and dead it was, and how close to Los Altos it was. But I can honestly say, I couldn’t be happier that I picked UCSC. It’s my Home now, and now I’m ready to take a vacation from my vacation and go back Home to where I feel the most comfortable and where I feel like I actually belong.
I’ve missed the trees, the summer-camp-like-buildings, the people (yes even the weird creepy ones), the smell of the air when you first wake up in the morning, the freedom, the public transportation, the animals and people at the SPCA, how you can smell the salt from the ocean if you face one way but smell the scent of evergreens if you turn the other. I’ve missed the buildings that I’ve come to make plenty of memories in, the drawings in the moat that I’ve seen countless times, animals that makes their presence known. I’ve missed the people that I’ve created the memories with, and the roads we walked on together and all the places we went to.
I ended the last school year with the mantra of “everything happens for a reason” and I am a deep deep believer in that. It was proven to me time and time again during my entire year at UCSC, and it was proven to me time and time again this summer. If I had chosen to go to a different school, things would not be where they are right now and I probably won’t be this content with life as I am.
Because I went away to UCSC, I realized and found out how valuable my friendships back in Los Altos were and how they shaped me into who I am.
Because I went away to UCSC, I have come to appreciate Los Altos for what it is.
Because I went away to UCSC, I have met people from all different walks of life that only taught me to be more open-minded than I already am.
Because I went away to UCSC, I have become close with those who I consider my 2nd family and those who I talk to loads and care for with all my heart.
Because I went away to UCSC, I have found the person that I never would have if I had chosen to go to Cal Poly despite him living literally like 20 minutes away from me.
I may not know why the whole thing at the beginning of summer had to happen, but looking back I
think know it was for the better. I know now that if that never happened, I wouldn’t be — or rather, we wouldn’t be — where we are today. I know now that if that never happened, maybe we’d still be both blind and stuck in the same pit of mud as we had 7 months ago.
Life is, by far, the cruelest teacher and the most brutal one I’ve ever had out of all my teachers. It forces me to fail first, and then learn the lesson later. It forces me to go through the bitterness of life before giving me the sweets. It forces me to struggle and push myself to my limits before I can ease up and relax. It forces me to love others with all my heart and every inch of my soul without them loving me back before I start to see//find those who loves me just as much.
Life has a funny way of showing its intentions (cruel, nonetheless). I guess we just need to be patient.
Thoughts, I can't sleep
I want to enjoy the life I live. I want to make a difference in my life and other people’s lives. I’m thinking about majoring in social work but I’m still not sure.
I want to experience the ups and downs and get through my struggles. I want to be able to stand up for myself and not give up so easily.
I want to learn from my mistakes. To move forward and not dwell so much on past. I want to love myself and to forgive myself. To receive and give love. To really listen to someone and be there for them. I want to open up to my family, friends, and people.
When I’m older I want to smile at what I’ve done with my life. Hopefully when I’m older I’ll be able to drive, to be there for my family and friends, to find a person I could spend my life with and get married and maybe have children, and have a career that makes me feel fullfilled and happy, and I want to continue to be thankful for what I have.
Let me have the strength to carry on and keep fighting to keep living. To be able to forgive others. To give back to the community.
There are so many things I want to do like read a lot of books and watch a lot of movies. Maybe travel to places. So much food to eat.
Just gotta take things one day at a time. There is no rush. Just enjoy life and have an open mind.
I’ll try not let my thoughts consume me and I’m trying to change the way I think so that I don’t dwell on the negative thoughts and start to think in a positive.
Holding my mom’s hand makes me happy to feel her squeeze my hand and I squeeze her hand back. :’)
July 26, 2011 12:29am
Today I went up to the Cathedral to see the Christmas trees
I go every year, about a week before christmas, and I generally make a bit of an occasion out of it. I light a candle for my Granddad who, while no longer with us, is somewhere up there. I often think of what he would do or say if he was here, and Christmas a time of year I have some of my best memories of him.
I’m not really religious, but I spent many years at Catholic school and in the company of people who are. As a result, Christmas really doesn’t feel right unless I do certain things, regardless of my personal beliefs. This usually includes attending at least the carolling, if not the Midnight Mass, too. And going up to the church and spending a little time. I say my Hail Marys and give my thanks and read some of my favourite passages. It’s just what I do. I don’t know why, but it feels wrong not to.
During today’s visit, I ran into a friend of mine. (Actually, it was really funny because neither of us were expecting to see the other there and the look she gave me was hilarious, but anyway…) We ended up going for coffee and wandering around talking for a while, which was nice. I haven’t spoken to her in a while so that was good, (okay, lies. I ran into her the other week. bUT I haven’t made plans with her for ages. I’m terrible. I really should get better at that. hmmn.) so yay.
I guess i’m just strangely content tonight? I’m not even sure. I’ll stop rambling now, bye.
2013 Mother's Day :)
Ang dami ko ng nabasang Mother’s Day eklabern sa Facebook at Instagram. Yung mga captions nila kung gaano kabait, kaganda, at ka the best ang Mama nila.
Pero syempre sasabihin ko din na THE BEST MAMA KO :))))
Paggising ko nga kaninang umaga around 10am, binati ko ulit si Mama.
ME: Ma, Happy Mother’s Day!
MAMA: Tulog ka ng tulog, namamaga na mga mata mo.
(Oh diba! Sweet ni Mother. HAHA!)
MAMA: Nasaan si Jing-Jing?
ATE: Nasa tindahan po ah.
MAMA: Wala dun, di ko naman nakita.
ME: (Narinig ko hinahanap ako at pinuntahan ko sya.) Nandito na po ako sa harap nyo.
MAMA: Saan ka galing?
ME: Adik ka Ma! Diba iniwan mo ko sa tindahan.
MAMA: Dumaan ako, wala ka dun. Akala ko nasa kwarto ka.
ME: Grabe ka Ma.
Kahapon kasi ang haba ng tulog ko tapos tinanghali na ko ng gising tapos nakatulog na naman ako sa sofa kanina. Kaya akala nya natutulog na naman ako. AHAHAHA!
This is how we celebrate Mother’s Day. Indoor celebration lang kasi maulan.
Bumili kameng magkakapatid ng foods, ambagan. Jollibee, Donuts, Ice Cream, Cake, at syempre Red Rose.
Mama is simply the best. Sya na tumayong ama’t ina sa amin since nasa abroad nag-wowork ang aming Amang Hari.
Sya ang aming alarm clock. HEHEHE! Pero yung bunso lang namin ang madalas nyang gisingin (boy/23yrsold) HAHA!
Hindi na din naman naglalaba si Mama saka naglilinis ng bahay kasi graduate na sya dun. Sya lang talaga ang taga-luto pero minsan si Ate kasi kakakasal lang at kailangan matututo magluto. HEHE!
Si Mama ang electrician at tubera sa bahay namin. HIHI. Madiskarte kasi si Mama sa mga ganung bagay. Parang Tatay lang talaga ang peg.
Tapos magaling pa sya sa direction. Sabi ko nga, siguro dati syang mmda. HAHAHA!
Nung mag-break nga kame ni Enzo, kitang-kita ko sa mukha ni Mama na parang gusto nyang sumugod. HAHAHA!
Basta mahal na mahal namin si Mama. Hindi man namin madalas masabi na “Iloveyou”, we know na nararamdaman naman ni Mama yun.
I always do this something way of greeting para paggising nya yun ang makikita nya.
Mahilig akong gumawa ng mga banners para sa pamilya ko :))))
Kung anu’t ano man ang narating ko ngayon at mararating pa, dahil yun sa Papa’t Mama namin. I love them both.
Basta maraming katangian si Mama na hindi ko na maiisa-isa. Ang alam ko lang, sobrang blessed kameng magkakapatid dahil sya ang Mama namin.
Hindi naman ‘to mababasa ni Mama pero Ma, Happy Happy Mother’s Day. I LOVE YOU BIG TIME! :*
Control yourself, take only what you need from it.
Gotta remember to keep my cool for these last few days and not do anything stupid.
And as for this coming week, I’ve got to try to not raise my expectations.
It’s spring though.
There’s buds on the trees and the ice is melting.
Things are coming alive again, in spite of horrors elsewhere.
In light of the recent tragedy in Japan…I think, somehow, the best we can do for other people when we are not in a position to contribute monetary or physical aid, is to offer compassion and honestly, be thankful for the things that we’ve got that other people would do anything for, right now.
Taking things for granted…that would be a horrible mistake.
As a people and a generation well yeah, we’ve got to work for reform, we have to start seeing the bigger picture and start to produce solutions before the terrible things that are bound to happen, happen.
We just need to believe that we can do it and be rational about the things we are doing. =/ Too bad most people are irrational.
In any case it’s the season of hope and light and we have to run with it.
I’m so excited for next week.
I’m just so done with school for now. <3
I Love Zak!
Last night we were watching t.v. with Kandace & her brother and Zak was being so sweet with Penny I about lost it. She seemed stressed out to have new people and Simon, Kandace’s fluffy little Pomeranian around, so Zak picked her up and put her on his lap. She just laid on his lap, with her head on his leg and looked soooo content. I looked over and about melted. Seeing our little dog on Zak’s lap, with her cast and all just was the cutest thing that there ever was. I told him, ‘Zak, it’s a good thing that you’re married and not doing this in public, because girls would be throwing themselves at you hardcore right now.’ Seriously, a big strong man sitting with a dog with a cast on her leg? SO ADORABLE. I went over and gave them a hug and kisses and said how much I love my little family.
Having a dog, even for a few days, has already changed our relationship’s dynamic. We’re working better as a team, taking turns taking care of Penny’s accidents or needs to go outside or play. He has been waking up before me and he just gets up, puts on clothes and takes her outside. Neither of us really complain if she has an accident, we are both loving and thoughtful to each other when asking requests. I’ve always known he’ll be a good daddy when that time comes, but this change that has already happened has cemented that in my head. He is a great daddy to Penny, and I know he will be to our future children.
The latest drama that has happened has been with Zak’s family, for once. His sister (19) just got engaged to a guy who is a month younger than me (I’m 25 later this month). They’ve been dating since the end of May. And are both Mormon. He worked on the Romney campaign out of Boston this summer so they have done a little long-distance dating. But here’s where the drama happens: last week Delaney called Zak, asking for advice and venting about her current situation. It turns out the now-fiance (Rich) called Zak’s parents to ask permission to marry Delaney. Initially, Dad Reilly said he didn’t really have a problem with it. But then he called back and told Rich that he actually did. So Delaney called Zak, looking for big brother advice, etc. I was so proud of Zak, he did a great job talking to Delaney about love, relationships, marriage, being an adult, etc. He didn’t tell her he was either supportive or not supportive of her decision wanting to get married young, but instead told her that she needed to work on proving that she’s an adult to their parents. Neither her nor Rich have a full-time, steady job. Zak asked her why she wanted to get married, if it wasn’t just purely for the sex (if you know anything about Mormons getting married hella young, it really is 99% b/c of wanting to have sex—I have a lot of anger about this, will rant about it w/someone if you want). She said it wasn’t because of that (….sure…he’s a 25 year old virgin…), but that she wanted a bigger commitment. Zak told her to get a promise ring, she didn’t have to get THE big ring immediately, they needed to get some more time dating under their belts, etc. He even told her that, as much as he loves being married to me, it’s hard work and he wishes we were a bit older when we made that step (we dated 2 years before we got engaged, when we got married I was 21, Zak was almost 21).
MAY NABASA AKONG BLOG: Naalala ko tuloy :(
May nabasa akong blog tungkol sa paghihiwalay na kung saan apektado ang pamilya.
“Mahirap iwan o kalimutan ang taong pinakilala mo na sa pamilya mo.”
One year and nine months relationship.
Exactly 361 days ago when my exboyfriend broke-up with me.
I was trying to talk to him the day after, pero sobrang sakit nung isampal nya sa mukha ko na matagal na nya kong hindi mahal. As in MATAGAL na.
After nyang sabihin yun, hindi na ko nakapagsalita. Naglakad na lang ako palayo sa kanya. Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko nun. Gusto kong umiyak pero walang lumalabas na luha sa mga mata ko. Gusto kong sumigaw, gusto ko nun biglang tumalon sa tulay sa Pasig Rotonda. Feeling ko nawalan ng saysay lahat.
Ang dami ko pang tanong.. Paano, bakit ganun, sino, saan, kailan pa..
Pero pagkatapos ng araw na yan, ako si tanga still reaching his hands kahit na alam kong matagal nya na kong binitawan. Blinock nya ko sa Facebook at sa Twitter. Nagpalit sya ng cp number. He made me feel like it’s me who gave a fucking fault in the relationship we had. Naging basura ang pakiramdam ko sa sarili ko.
After four days, saka lang ako nag-single status sa Facebook. After that, wala na kong kinausap sa mga kaibigan ko. Dumistansya ako sa lahat. Kasi hindi ko alam ang sasabihin sa kanila. Alam kasi nila kung gaano ko kamahal si Gago. And yes, binigay ko lahat ng kaya kong ibigay, I thought that was enough. Ang dami kong sermon na natanggap “Ikaw kasi. Sabi ko naman sau wag mo masyadong mahalin. Magtira ka para sa sarili mo. Para kung sakaling hindi kayo magkatuluyan sa huli, may magagamit ka pa para makabangon.”
Three days after, bago ko sinabi sa pamilya ko na wala na kame. Kasi hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sa kanila. Ang hirap na ako na naman yung iniwan.
Kapag off ko, sya lagi kasama ko. Lagi akong wala sa bahay although close naman sya sa pamilya ko. Lagi syang kasama sa lahat ng lakad ng pamilya ko. Malling, Happenings, lahat ng okasyon. Kwentuhan dito sa bahay.
Nung sabihin ko, galit na galit si Mama. Kasi basta na lang akong iniwan.
After a week, narealized ko na hindi ko kailangan magmukmok. I still have life to live. Family and friends to be with.
Mag-iisang buwan na nun, okay na din naman ako kahit papaano. Hindi na ko umiiyak. Tapos yung Tita ko na nagbaksyon dito sa amin. Kinausap ako, ano daw nangyari.. Sabay inoopen nya na ang ganda daw ng trato sa kanya nila Mama.
Dun na ako umiyak ulit. Hiyang-hiya ako sa pamilya ko :(
Ibang-iba sa pakiramdam kapag pamilya mo na ang pag-uusapan. Yung alam ko na nasasaktan din sila para sa akin.
Haayyyy.. Salamat sa blog na yun. Hindi dahil sa pagpapaalala sa nakaraan na yun. Kundi ang pagpapahalaga sa pamilya. Basta yun na yun. Hahaha!
Ang haba na ng sinabi ko :)
At sabi ni Gerald Anderson sa isang interview nya:
No matter what happened in your life, at the end of the day, your family is the most important.
DA 30 Day Challenge Day 6
Your Warden’s story
…I’ve been waiting to get to this one. =D
I don’t have any pictures of my Warden, but his name is Guye Cousland and he has Short-ish Auburn Hair and a soul patch. He was born a human noble and lived most of his life relatively happy and carefree with his faithful hound, Cactus. Guye found human company in the many other young Nobles visiting the castle with their parents, occasionally bedding them out of boredom.
It was said that Guye was the more likely one to inherit his father’s legacy than his older brother was, but truthfully he never desired it. Guye found nothing for himself in the quiet life. He occasionally like going on hunts with his hound and sneaking off to the various small villages to see what strange things he could buy. One day, he bought all the chickens in a single market and released them in the castle’s throne room. Just for lulz.
Guye never liked the Arl Howe, especially after the man sent his childhood friend, Nathaniel, off to wherever he went (Guye never really knew for sure). And when the Arl attacked, killing his entire family and poor Dairen, Guye vowed to exact his revenge. He left with the Grey Warden Commander, Duncan.
Guye was initiated into the Grey Wardens and survived The Joining. He had found a fast friend in his fellow recruit, Alistair, who shared Guye’s rather dry humor and sarcastic nature. When Ostagar fell and they found themselves in Flemeth’s Hut being healed by the Witch of the Wilds, Guye and Alistair decided to form an army by enacting the Treaties of the Gray Wardens, and both swore revenge against Loghain.
Flemeth sent Morrigan along with them, of course. Guye and Morrigan grew somewhat close, he found her interesting and wished for some distraction from his own grief. The party found new allies in Lothering with Leliana and Sten. Leliana provided a new optimism to the party, where Sten remained, as always, mostly silent. Despite all of Alistair’s warnings, Guye ended up sleeping with Morrigan once. He regretted having done so later, however, because he had not intended to hurt Morrigan or make her feel unwanted.
After hitting Redcliffe and sacrificing Connor, The party was ambushed by the assassin Zevran, whom Guye found great interest in, causing him to spare Zevran’s life and invite him to join the party. Zevran joined, having little other option. Guye became fast friends with Zevran, and their licentious natures led them both to the bed. While Zevran constantly reassured Guye that this was done only for the sake of his own enjoyment, and that they were to be considered only friends, Guye saw that there was something else in this arrangement. He continued as is.
Morrigan did not take kindly to this change, and while Guye hated doing so, he was forced by her to choose. He chose Zevran.
The party continued on their quest. They saved the mages in Circle Tower and recruited Wynne, with whom Guye founded a rather apprentice-ly relationship. He turned always to Wynne for advice. They then moved on to saving both werewolves and elves in Brecillian. While in Brecillian, Guye formed a kinship with a Great Bear, who became an additional companion in the party. Lastly, they hit Orzammar, only to find it deadlocked in politics. Guye assisted the city out of his own need, picked up Ohgren, braved the Deep Roads, Destroyed the Anvil of the Void, and placed Prince Bhelen on the throne. With the Mages, Elves, and Dwarves backing them, the party ventured for the Urn of Sacred Ashes and with it saved Arl Eamon.
Guye got his chance to exact revenge on Rendon Howe, and took it without hesitation. Around the same time in Denerim, he found Duncan’s Shield and gave it to Alistair, who was mucho grateful and wore it forever more as a memory to his departed mentor. The party also ran into Talisen, who had come to retrieve Zevran. Zevran sided with Guye, who had not let him down in any way yet, and Talisen was killed. Zevran then asked Guye whether he still wished him to stay. Guye said yes, and Zevran obliged.
At the Landsmeet, Loghain was exposed to be a traitor and killed by Alistair in a duel. Guye motioned for Alistair to be made King, and despite his hesitation, it was done. Alistair turned out to be a good King in the end.
Guye was given an earring as a token of affection by Zevran, who was ready to move on from his past and accept his new relationship. The night before the battle at Denerim, Morrigan offered to perform the Dark Ritual with Guye. He accepted, and bedded her one last time.
The Archdemon was slain. For a time Guye stayed at the Castle at Denerim, assisting his friend Alistair with setting up his rule. Zevran stayed with him. Eventually Guye answered the call to Vigil’s Keep and became Warden Commander. Zevran left, for a time, and they wrote each other regularly. Guye reunited with his childhood friend, Nathaniel, conscripted everyone and their dog, killed the Architect and the Mother, and then petitioned King Alistair for permission to go after his love. He left for Antiva, found Zevran, and they had adventure time forever!
Yes, it is long, no, I am not a writer. DEAL!