today I was leaving the University Center wearing my Most Popular Girls in School shirt with the Pearl Harbor speech on it and my friend stopped at the concierge desk by the door to put more money on her card and the guy stared at me for a second before asking “Who’s Ashley Katchedourian?”
I tried to explain it as briefly as possible and he just nodded before saying.
“There’s a Katchedourian who goes here, I think.”
And so he started to look her up and I jokingly said “I hope she’s watching the door.” And then he pulled her up and yes, there is a Katchedourian BUT THEN HE SAID SHE USED TO WORK HERE AT THE CONCIERGE DESK
BY THE DOOR
MONITORING STUDENTS
SHE
WAS
WATCHING
THE
DOOR
so like i work at hot topic and tonight i had no less than 5 people come into my store and ask me and my coworker if they could pray for us and when i finally caved and was like sure fine pray for me the guy says “just bless this woman because i know this can be a tough environment for a christian to work in”
hot topic
a tough environment for a christian to work in
a tough environment for a christian to work in
a tough environment for a christian to work in
a tough environment for a christian to work in
a tough environment for a christian to work in
I love my grandmother so much, but it makes me so sad to see her...
Her dementia is so bad. When I go to see her I have to go by my birthname because calling myself something else would confuse her too much, not that she even remembers me by that either.
She thought I was a boy today, which was kind of cool, but it was still really upsetting. Mostly because she legitimately thought for a minute that I was my dad. She was calling me by his name and looked so happy for a minute. Then when my mom corrected her she got confused and upset, she demanded that I was a boy and that I couldn’t be a girl. Then she remembered me and started laughing about how we both have really short hair.
Seeing her is so bittersweet. I love her to death, she’s nearly one hundred and she’s a complete inspiration. All the staff in her assisted living residence love her because she’s such a character. It just kills me to know that I remind her of my dad (who she forgets died almost four years ago), I HATE that I can’t be Spencer when she’s around, and seeing how bad her brain is deteriorating is heartbreaking.
And when we left she looked me right in the eye and said, “You’re my favorite nephew!” Hahahaha, close enough.
Dear Girl.
Revenge is a sour word. It’s bitter, strong and oozes pain. I know nothing of that word. I am not sore.
We are not the same. We do not all react the same way to similar situations. I am not the tit to your tat. You need to understand that.
This is not a game, and it is so much bigger than you.
I’m sorry you’re in pain.
But frankly…I don’t care.
Meditation log of events that transpired a week and a half ago (Dec. 17th)
On the night in question, I began by cleansing my energy points. I find that this form of meditation gives me something to focus on long enough for my mind to clear and my body to relax. And I’m sure clean energy points is a good thing, too. What I try to do is open my energy points before meditation, and close them when I’m done. This doesn’t always work, but I don’t fret about it.
Anyway. Shortly after I cleansed my energy points, I found myself in an area with which I was mildly familiar. I had visited in a dream about a week or so beforehand, though it was unfamiliar territory within the overall area. The entire area is something like a swamp at the top of a waterfall. The water flow leads to a cliff, which leads to a second cliff, which leads to a river. On the plateau leading to the second cliff, the water flow is more like a babbling brook; I can stand on it easily enough and hardly get my feet wet. There is a small, shack-like building on the brook, near the edge of the cliff. That is where I was during the first dream - not in the house, but in that area.
During the meditation, I found myself in the swamp above that cliff, though I didn’t realise it until after some exploration. Both times I was there, it was a bright, sunny day, but the trees in the swamp caused the world to be a bit dimmer. The trees are very tall, grouped closely together, swamp-trees on standing roots. They don’t have any branches until much higher on the trunks than you’d usually expect. Other plant-life is negligible, just small mounds of unidentifiable plant matter and algae floating on the standing water. The water itself is not unpleasant - it appears clean and is not too deep. Not what I’d expect from a “swamp.”
Opposite the end with the cliff, the water eventually leads to an enormous house. The house is white, with a porch spanning the entire facade and pillars supporting a balcony on the second floor. The entrance is double doors, made of a heavy wood and painted a very light tan. It is here that Simbi lives.
I walked up to the door and knocked, and Simbi answered. He was somehow a man and a snake at the same time, but I was not surprised to learn this. Things are frequently more than one thing in my head, after all, myself included. Anyway. So he opened the door and led me inside. I passed through a hall that I barely remember, and went into a sitting room which contained a portrait I don’t remember hanging over a fireplace, which was lit and the only light source in the room. There were a pair of plush, elegant looking chairs in front of the fireplace, in which we both sat.
Here, things got a bit muddled. It’s always difficult to keep things separated in headspace, and I’m not sure what all was said out loud, what all was said by him, what all was my impression of what he would say… I did pick up the gist of it, though, I believe. Simbi asked me what it was that I wanted from him, I told him, and shortly thereafter I found myself starting to fade from that existence, so we had to cut things short.
I have tried to get back there in the meantime, but have had no success. I am impatient, and have ADHD-PI (formerly known as ADD), and visual thinking exhausts me (when I can manage it at all). I suspect that the reason it was so easy that first time was because he was “summoning” me for that conversation. And it is difficult now because I’m trying to get there on my own. Presumably, with practice things will get easier, and when he needs to outright speak to me again he’ll call me. And, with luck, my attempts to remember my dreams will start to pay off one of these days.
Quite frankly I don’t really know how to live any other way
The life and times of runner is a unique one to say the least, those close to me support me regardless but sometimes they give me these looks like “what the heck are you doing?” Running is a lifestyle, not just a sport and as a runner we plan our lives around our runs, which can often seem odd to those around us. For example I am flying home right now (writing this from the airport) and I decided when to book my flights completely based on my running schedule. I didn’t want to fly out on a Saturday because I didn’t want it to interfere with my long run and I booked a late afternoon trip home so that I could still get in a quality run Sunday morning without feeling rushed. When I head back in January I am going to fly midday on a Thursday because that way I can get a workout in on Monday and Wednesday, take it easy on the flight day, Thursday, then have a casual easy day on Friday to reacclimatize to the time zone and get settled in back at school so I will be able to still get a quality run in on Saturday. Half the people reading this will totally get this and the other half will think I’m completely insane, but its just the way I go about planning my days.
When my friends ask me to hang out I’ll usually start by saying well I have to run at so and so time and they kind of just look at me like “what do you mean you HAVE to run?” Its not that I don’t try to accommodate and adjust for my friends and family its just that I have an obligation to myself. When I find time to eat is also a huge factor in my running schedule, I tend to prefer a 3-ish hour window between meals and my workout so sometimes I can kind of be a stickler for getting in my meal at around a precise time, I just don’t want to cramp up or puke during my run. Sometimes depending on the workout, what I eat is also important because if it’s too heavy or spicy on a hard day it might weight me down or hamper my progress. I try my best not to flaunt this ridiculous way of life I live but occasionally it slips out when I try to coordinate with my non-running friends. There is no denying its weird but to me it make sense and I often find myself wondering how people go about their day without this kind of structure. I get a taste of the normal life when I take time off or if I get hurt and I hate it, its too strange for me. Holidays, special occasions, traveling or anything that messes with my routine just really grinds my gears when it interferes with this structure. I often long for the time when I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with no real repercussion on my training. So at least for now this is the life for me, because quite frankly I don’t really know how to live any other way.
This week was a mix of both good and bad for me. On the bad side of things I had finals galore to deal with so my sleep levels were at an all time low meanwhile my stress levels were at an all time high. It wasn’t until I finished my final exam when I was overcome with relieve and came to realize how much that stuff was weighing me down. Just goes to show you cant underestimate the stress in your life as a factor in your training, its not in your best interest to power on through, the season is long and this sort of stuff is just a part of my life, and everyone I compete against is under the same pressure so I feel the difference maker is how I decide to deal with it. Anyways my mileage was a solid 58 and I came out of the week unscaved, a little tiered, but everything seems to be intact and in working order. So now that’s behind me its time to start training with a purpose, this month is a gift and I plan on making the most of it.
Realize
Maximum Penaltyheadbang
