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"My parents want me to stay in the closet till I'm eighteen. That's three years. Should I tell them how I really feel and risk ruining everything with them or do what they want? They think I'm not ready for the real world but I know what it's like. How can I get them to realise I'm not some stupid teenager rushing into this without thinking?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
I think you should absolutely tell them how you feel. There isn’t really anyway for them to KNOW what your process is or what you’re going through or what you’re feeling if you don’t tell them.
Chances are they’ll still be worried for you, I mean, isn’t that what our parents do best? Worry?
If I were you (keep in mind I’m terrible at conversating, so maybe you don’t need to do this) I would make a list of the reasons you want to come out now. You can just make it in your head, but prepare yourself for the questions they’ll have and answer them in your head (or on paper) ahead of time. If they’re concerned that you “aren’t thinking” and you have answers READY TO GO, it’ll just help them to realize you totally are thinking. You know what I mean?
Parents baby us for our entire lives. They don’t MEAN to, but like, we are their kids. Sometimes they need a slight reminder that we are also grown-ass-humans. Now is a good time to remind them. You know what you want to do and this is your life and you have to do what’s best for you, let them know your decision. I SUPPORT YOU.
I agree one million thousand percent. You should speak with your parents and, like Dannielle said, you should prepare yourself as best as you can for that conversation.
It is very hard for parents to transition from a place where they have to tell us not to put our hands on the stove, not to eat only twizzlers for breakfast, and not to color a mural on their living room wall, to a place where they understand us as people capable of making informed decisions. Try to look at this conversation as the first step toward a place where they will begin to understand you as a smart, capable person. They aren’t quite there yet, but that is okay. They will get there.
My personal opinion is that this is your life and your identity, and ultimately your choice. However, that doesn’t mean that I think you should just walk in and say, “Parents, this is my life so I am doing what I want.” I think you should give them the chance to be a part of this process, and I think that you should listen to their concerns honestly and openly.
Sit them down and tell them that you love them. Tell them that you know they are worried for a lot of reasons, and that you’d like to talk about those things more—but that you are living this experience and very much feel that you need to be able to come out on some level to feel like a complete person. Tell them that you would love to have their support in any way they can give it, and that if they would like to help you figure out the path forward, that would be incredibly helpful.
Hear their concerns, explain your position, listen, and make informed decisions based on that entire experience. Be respectful of them at every turn, be patient, be open, be firm. Don’t rush into anything. Express yourself clearly. If the conversation needs space, return to it in a week or so when things have calmed down. It isn’t going to be easy, and it might even be unpleasant, but it is hard to help our parents to a place where they let us grow up… and this is your first step.
“All those questions have made me realize that you don’t need to be transgender to be aware of gender, to be uncomfortable with the gender binary, or to challenge gender.”—“The 1,2,3 of being the Significant Other of a Neutrois Person”
Lesbian may be forced to testify against partner in landmark Kentucky murder case
A Kentucky court is trying to force a lesbian woman to testify against her partner.
Prosecutors say that Geneva Case, who allegedly heard her partner Bobbie Joe Clary admit to murdering a man, must testify against her in court.
Kentucky law says that spouses are exempt from having to testify against each other, and though the two women entered into a civil union in Vermont in 2004, Kentucky does not recognize any type of same-sex union or marriage.
The is first legal test in Kentucky state to determine if same-sex partners will receive the same husband-wife privilege, or be forced to testify against each other.
According to local newspaper Louisville Courier-Journal, Case said she will not testify against her partner, citing the spousal privilege under Kentucky Rule 504 that states: ‘The spouse of a party has a privilege to refuse to testify against the party as to events occurring after the date of their marriage.’
Angela Elleman, one of Clary’s attorney, said: ‘It is going to have a huge impact.’
‘It’s going to come up again and again and again,’ she said referring to same-sex couples that are leaving to wed in other states but must face new legal challenges when they come back home.
Elleman also pointed out that certain states and even countries will recognize foreign same-sex unions that are officiated outside their borders. The Kentucky court must now decide if it will recognize same-sex unions officiated outside state borders, and to what extent.
‘Our position is that Ms. Case and Ms. Clary are not in a valid marriage under Kentucky law,’ said Stacy Grieve, Assistant Commonwealth’s Attorney, in an interview.
In 2004, Kentucky voters passed a constitutional amendment that only recognizes marriages between a man and a woman.
‘The murder happened here and we have to follow the laws of Kentucky.’
That the ceremony is not a ‘marriage’ is valid and recognized under Kentucky law,’ said prosecutors.
‘Geneva Case and the defendant cannot prove the existence of a marriage under Kentucky law.’
Elleman responded: ‘The right to marry, including the right to marry whom one chooses, is a fundamental right firmly entrenched in American culture and in constitutional law.’
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else challenge this denial of our rights.